For You
by Plushii
Summary: Sirius Black, most feared angel and strongest of Heaven’s armies has never once fallen in love—until he met a certain little street rat that tugged his heart. AU, SiriusRemus slash. Man I suck at summaries.
1. The Beginning

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**Plushii here!** How have you been, my lovelies? Sorry to disappoint, but this isn't exactly an update in the traditional sense. I said a while back that I was going to be updating this story, to fix it because, let's all face it, the original was absolutely horrendificus. **So, here is the un-beta'd, revamped version of Chapter 1. Trust me when I say that you're going to want to read it, _because quite a bit of the story has changed._** I'm sorry it's taken me a year to update, once again, but yes, I am still perfectly healthy, and still very much alive if not very busy. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, but you all knew that already. :D

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"That monster came out of my body!" she shrieked, pointing a shaky finger towards the small bundle that I held in my arms. "Kill it! KILL IT! It will curse us! It will shame us!"

I watched my wife as she focused wild eyes on my son, muted with horror as she tried to climb free from her resting bed and fight away the hands of maids that immediately raced forward to restrain her. Her mouth was twisted with hatred, her features furrowed and ugly in her rage. When she could no longer move, she spat at me, shaking her head in a furious display of insanity, just before her gaze locked solidly with mine.

"YOU! You did this to us. You're FILTHY, SCUM. You're not WORTHY of this house, you're not WORTHY of this woman. GET OUT. GET OUT. TAKE YOUR ABOMINATION WITH YOU AND GET OUT."

She was fighting again, and one of the maids rushed to my side, negligent of the dozing child that she jostled awake in my arms when she grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me from the room. She looked afraid, I noted quietly, and then she left me, without a word, to stare down into a pair of gray eyes that blinked curiously up at me. I knew he couldn't see me, even as tiny hands reached up, flexing fingers as his tiny mouth opened and closed.

I tried to smile, but it wouldn't come, and the upward turn of my lips turned into a grimace. Instead, I was crying, and the tiny newborn in my arms crooned, wiggling his tiny body before his fingers closed around one of mine. I watched, transfixed, as his mouth worked again, and instinctively, I placed the tip of my finger between those tiny lips.

He began to suckle and I, for the first time, started to love him.

"I'm so, so sorry," I whispered, knowing he couldn't comprehend my words, knowing the noise he heard would make no sense at all. "It shouldn't have been you. You shouldn't have been picked for this."

But Sirius Pollux Black didn't comprehend anything beyond the warmth of the body holding him, and the uncomfortable churning of his hungry stomach. He didn't understand either sensation, or what they could possibly mean, but they drew a reaction out of him none-the-less: a tiny, feeble wail that only served to further break his father's heart.

From then on, I vowed to protect this innocent child, to teach him how to fight and be strong in a world where nothing but cruelty would await him. I taught him how to be indifferent, and calloused, and cold; I taught him everything I thought he needed to know, and neglected the important lessons of mercy, and love. Sirius didn't need to understand these things, I believed, because Sirius was born to be a killer.

And so I watched as he grew from a child into his prime, and mourned for my son who had learned only how to be the very creature I had never wanted him to be, who loved nobody, cared for nothing, and watched the world through calculating eyes, assessing the length of other's lives and the worth of their existence instead of the beauty within them, and the love he could find through them. Sirius had learned not to show any emotion aside from a bred cockiness, and that was his strongest personality trait.

And then he turned 16, and I was haunted when they showed up at the door for him, ready to take him away from me forever. He didn't smile, he didn't hug me, he didn't even cry. Sirius turned his eyes to me and said goodbye, and I watched as the last white feather marring the pure ebony of his wings drifted to the floor in a slow, significant death.

The door closed, and for the second time in my life, I found myself crying.

What had I done?

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_Chapter 1:_

**THE BEGINNING  
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It took Sirius eight months to gain his rank as an archangel, and even fewer to become the leader of them all. Sirius excelled in everything they opted for him to do, destroying the competition with a calm that all the men around him observed as 'unnerving.' It didn't help that he'd gained his rank as their 'Master' when he'd slain the very man who had owned them before him for reasons unknown, and better left unquestioned.

Archangels were not decided by skill, or status, or wealth, or strength, but by an abnormality in their births. Angels, normal angels, were born with pure wings that glowed and grew thick, white feathers. The folk called these angels God's favored children, though Sirius believed that they lived less than savory lives. Archangels were born with tufts of black feathers to mar the beauty of their own white wings.

Nobody understood the reasoning behind the discoloration, but it had been that way since before a time when anybody could remember, and as these 'special' children grew and came of age, so their white feathers molted, and fell out, and were replaced with ebony. Their wings were softer, and at full maturity, much, much larger than any set of white wings.

Sirius usually found his self musing over the origins of his own curse, but today was not a day for contemplating his own destiny when he was watching so many men on the battlefield fulfilling their own. Standing aloof in blood-soaked armor, Sirius watched through merciless eyes as soldiers—his own and enemy alike—fell to the soiled ground beheaded. He watched with calloused indifference as their bodies lay lifeless for just a moment, and then their spirits rose from their bodies as the corpses disintegrated and the tiny balls of light were pulled with a nearly startling speed downwards, and out of sight. Sirius knew where they were going, because all 'dead' men in heaven only went to one place: earth. There they would live their lives out as humans, a second chance to prove their worthiness, and when they died, they would return to heaven, held in high regards and favored—the purest of the pure.

"Lord Pollux!" another dirtied man called out, heaving as he trekked across the bloodied field to come to a stand-still beside his master. 'Pollux' didn't turn his head to acknowledge the man, but this archangel was accustomed to such behavior, and did not wait for his invitation to speak. "We've killed the lot of them, that was the last bloody one. You're victorious yet again."

But Sirius felt no swelling sense of pride inside of his chest as he turned gray eyes onto his soldier, and licked his lips slowly before parting them to speak. "Do you think I can't see with my own eyes that we've won, Krauss?"

"No," Krauss said, failing to become intimidated by his master's temperament. It was not an abnormal thing to face Sirius's lack of patience with anything, and Krauss knew that he would suffer no harm unless he'd done something to deserve such punishment. "but you did ask me to inform you when the men caught the spies hiding too, and they've found and finished every single one of them off."

"Did any of them talk?" Sirius asked coolly, turning his eyes back onto the men left standing as they hunkered their way back towards him. There was delight in their eyes, victory written on their faces, and jubilance pouring from their lips in the form of shouted excitement. They embraced one another, glad to find their brothers-in-arms alive, and walked together, as one unit, to join Krauss and their master.

"Only the usual," Krauss mumbled under his breath, "a whole bunch of, 'Please, spare me! I have children!'—The usual garbage that those about to die conjure up before death. No information though. It's almost as if they can't muster up enough courage to do anything other than beg for their lives."

But Sirius has stopped listening to Krauss before the man had even started speaking, already knowing the answer to his own question. He was caught up in a sudden rush of excited men and wings, assaulted by hands patting him on the shoulders, speaking praise that Sirius didn't care to hear, and then they were careful not to jostle him as they grabbed at Krauss, hugging the older archangel to them.

"Krauss," Sirius said after a moment of allowing his men to joke freely, laugh boisterously, and tease one another about their wives, their honor, their skill. Silence fell when the leader spoke, and Krauss, grinning, turned to face his master.

"Yes, Lord Pollux?" he inquired, glee never leaving his face. Sirius turned to face him slowly, and it wasn't until Krauss caught sight of the object in Sirius's hand that his face took on a look of horror instead.

"Kneel," Sirius said softly, ignoring the sudden murmurs of shock as the older archangel kept his eyes on the blade held in his leader's hand. It shone a bluish-black, designed with intricate shapes and letters in a language that Krauss didn't understand. Still, he hesitated for only a moment before obeying the younger man and lowering himself to his knees.

"Lord Pollux, what is this about?"

"Silence," the beautiful angel commanded, and then turned his eyes onto every face of every man surrounding him. "This," he said, voice never once raising, "is what we do to those who betray us."

"No," Krauss said, horrified as realization dawned on him. Sirius knew of his betrayal, but how long had he known?

"Yes," Sirius hissed, reaching out with quick reflexes to grab Krauss by the hair on the top of his head when the man moved to flee, "how long did you think you could hide your secrets from me, Krauss? I know, I always know, and I always knew."

There was a subtle shift in the weight of the men around him, but Sirius knew it was of discomfort and not rebellion. Still, he lifted that gaze up again, to punctuate his point by meeting each set of eyes as he continued with his next sentence.

"This is what will become of all of you if you do not remember where your loyalties lie."

Without batting a lash, without flinching, or hesitation, Sirius brought the blade around from his middle in one sweeping arch that lopped off the older archangel's head in one clean swoop. He didn't even lean away when blood splattered his face, and held on to his victim until the last strands of hair had disintegrated from his fingers. Sirius watched, indifferent, as Krauss made his journey to his life down below.

"Remember this," Sirius said, and his men turned away to retire, no longer in the mood to rejoice or celebrate when the life of one of their most favored comrades had been revealed as a fallacy, and then taken.

But they would remember.

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I can't exactly tell you what happened before I woke up in a dripping, dingy cellar with my hands bound behind my back and the side of my face an aching, bloody mess, but I can tell you that every single joint, muscle, and piece of tissue in my body hurt. I didn't understand, at first, why I was in pain, but I was spared the dreadfully long process of thought when a door in the side of the room opened.

I cringed toward the stone floor I was laying on, closing my eyes as the light penetrated my pupils like a mistress of pain, unrelenting in her attack to desensitize me to her torture. I groaned when I heard feet moving slowly towards me, and then hissed when a hand was brought down on my cheek, an almost soothing gesture that was so out-of-place with everything else that was going on around me, and inside of me.

"Who are you?" I croaked out, wincing at the pain that shot through my throat from the effort.

"Shh, shh," the voice soothed, "finally awake?"

There was amusement in that tone, but I couldn't muster up enough anything to be miffed at the tone of voice. Somehow, this man had a soothing effect, and figuring I wasn't going to be offered the formerly asked name, I asked another question instead.

"Why am I here?"

"You don't remember?" the voice inquired, sounding mildly surprised, and then even. "I'm not surprised after the beating you took, Remus. You were caught stealing from the consul again."

All of his words sounded foreign to me until he'd spoken the word 'consul', and I groaned outwardly as I tried to roll away from this eerily kind stranger and more towards the sanctuary of the wall. "Malfoy…"

"Yes, Malfoy. And it's your fifth offense," he said, not unkindly, as he pulled my aching body back in his direction. I hissed at the discomfort the action caused me, but he didn't seem fazed by my pain, and when I blinked up at him again, he was smiling.

"James," came a cold drawl from the doorway. Immediately I knew that voice, and I blinked away from the messy-haired man to stare straight at Lucius Malfoy. "Is he awake?"

"Yes, my lord," James responded automatically, but I could tell from the sudden set of his jaw that he was even less happy about the blonde's arrival than I was. Well, I thought bitterly, at least I wasn't the only one who hated Malfoy this much. At least somebody else shared my sentiments.

"Prepare him."

"Prepare me?" I asked, confused. Lucius only gave me a smile that I would've loved to knock off of his face if my treacherous body wasn't so badly injured. "Prepare me for what?"

"Your execution, little angel," Malfoy sneered, lifting his chin just a fraction of an inch as if I were something disgusting he was regarding. "It's a miracle you weren't born with those accursed wings of ebony. A pity, too. I would have loved sending you to war to die."

I wasn't the only one who looked as if they could have murdered Lucius on the spot right then, but this James fellow had the advantage of hiding his face well—he was facing me. Smug, Malfoy stared on at me until James cleared his throat once and adjusted his tone to a distant, but still socially acceptable monotone.

"I thought he was to be executed at a later date, my lord."

"Stupid boy, don't you know better than to ask questions?" the consul snarled, but James didn't flinch away from him, and turned to face him instead. He must've had his face under control, because Malfoy made no further comments about the archangel's demeanor, and instead explained himself. "The archangels are returning from war today, and I thought a public execution would be a wonderful 'welcome home' gift."

Great, I thought to myself. Just fan-freaking-tabulous. Not only was I going to die, but I was going to die today, in front a giant, sneering crowd, and just in time for the archangels to come home and thoroughly enjoy a little bit more of that carnage they always indulged in out on the battlefields.

Unable to help myself, I cocked my head back and gathered as much spit on my tongue as I could before launching it forward with as much force as I could conquer. I was victorious when my saliva collided beautifully well with that hideous face, and I smiled to show it. I wasn't smiling for very long though, because Malfoy had strode into the room after my assault and taken to me with his fists.

I should have been begging, but instead I found myself laughing, going further into hysterics with each blow he landed on my already ruined face until I choked, spitting blood. I heard James's startled reprimand, but there was no break in the beating my body took, and before I became completely numb to the pain, my brain took it upon itself to shut down.

Hopefully, I thought as the light around me faded, he would kill me now, and I wouldn't wake up with the eyes of thousands of blood-lusting angels upon me, eagerly awaiting my punishment.


	2. The Meeting

**A/N**: YAY. X) I GOT A REVIEW, I GOT A REVIEW! Yatta! - Glomps. - Thank you Anonymous viewer with the happy face. X) I know the characters are terribly OOC, but there is a reason for that, and one that I'm not going to tell. It'll take a while, but I plan to have Remus and them fall back into character. I was actually going to have Sirius as the thief, but the more I thought about it, the more I was like, "But that's not like Remus to rule an army and slice peoples heads off". Besides, Remus has to have a bit of the werewolf in him since it's nonexistent in this fic, doesn't he? ;x oh, sasseh! - Gets a move on. –

**Disclaimer**: Please read the one on the first chapter—it hasn't changed. X)

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**For You**

**Chapter 2:** _The Meeting_

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Sirius didn't know what compelled him to turn his head since public executions always disgusted him, but he did. He, along with all the other warrior angels, found no such pleasure in killing publicly. In fact, it pissed him off so he never watched.

But today was different. Today he turned his head toward the other as they were knelt down, and the first thing he noticed were the shaggy tresses of dirty blonde creeping from the others cranium to crowd their face and shoulders, untamed.

His first thought was "how cliché", but that changed when the criminal lifted their head and met his own with lively, amber eyes. They both stared until the angel on the platform sneered and spat at him. That drew a withdrawal of surprise.

"She's not afraid of me."

"Pardon, sir?"

Sirius jumped from his small trance to turn his gaze onto the male that had seemingly appeared by his side. This was a bit odd because nobody who ever tried to sneak up on him before lived to tell about it.

"James," the look of shock was quickly replaced by a glare. True, James was a rather good friend, and a well respected angel, but friendliness was just not part of Sirius' demeanor. "Why is this person being executed?"

James took a quick glance over to the podium and then back to Sirius, grinning like a fool.

"This was their seventh time getting caught stealing from the consul, Lord Pollux."

"Then they're not a very good thief, are they?" his voice carried a bit of amusement. Was this soon to be exiled angel afraid of anybody?

"Maybe on earth Sirius, but not up here. A real pity, though. The pretty ones always die so young."

Sirius allowed his eyes to sweep over the crowd before looking back at James. "Aye, but this one will be staying up in Heaven."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking that you're thinking, Lord? Are you out of your mind, Pollux!"

"Partially, but I believe you'll back me up."

"Like bloody hell I will!" James shouted, glaring at his friend. "Don't just go volunteering me to be your accomplice!"

"Tell me, James. Do you like your job?"

For a moment, James just glared at Sirius, noting the devious grin on his commander's face before resigning himself with a sigh. "Alright...whatever...Let's go. But you owe me."

"We'll see, James. We'll see."

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I couldn't believe I'd actually spit at that archangel! But he was staring at me! A lot of people were, but he was the highest ranking, and I figured that if I had to go down at all, I would leave with my pride in tact.

That was the problem, though. I just spit at somebody with authority, and the next thing I knew he was making his way through the crowd towards me! Hello! My grandeur plan involved you _ignoring_ me! Penniless, worthless street rat? You know? Great... Here goes whatever pride I'd had left.

"Today is not my day..."

"Oh? And just think about it, Remus... After you close your eyes up here, you'll open them down on earth." It was Lucius again.

The thing that made me sick was that, even at this public display, his body found its way against mine and his mouth found my ear, intruding the hollow space with a whisper. "Doesn't that thought make you excited, Remus?"

His grip tightened on my arms and I winced, trying to pull away, but he wouldn't let me escape.

"I think you're the one that gets excited when you think about it, Malfoy." Ugh. Was this guy serious? He was disgusting!

"I can still save you, Remus... If you would just agree to be..."

"I will NOT be your lover!"

My voice sounded foreign even to me, and I knew that I'd spoken too loud because his hand found my hair and jerked my head back.

"Then you'll die. It's a shame, not even willing to save yourself. Do you want to be a human?"

"I'd rather be a human than lay with you, f—"

"Excuse me..."

The voice that interrupted our conversation and kept me from calling Lucius anything that would get me hit was way too quiet and contemplative; the voice of a hardened killer.

My head was dropped upon the entrance of my savior, so I had to lift it and look at who had come to my rescue myself. I was in shock. From afar, this man looked ragged and ugly, but up close he was the most enticing being I had ever seen. I was in a trance the moment I saw him, and lulled further into his spell when he spoke again.

"Consul, sir. What are the charges against this criminal?"

I was falling in love with him already.

"They were caught stealing from me. Several times, in fact, and they'll not hear of my compromise."

"I wouldn't comply if you wanted me to be your lover, either."

I could hear the smile in his voice and it made me smile too. Maybe this guy wasn't so bad after all. A shift of clothes, however, told me the consul was not so amused.

"Then it is your loss, Lord. Not that I would take you as one, anyways. Now state your business and leave."

"Very well. How can I atone for this angel's sins?"

He wanted to atone for me!

"You can cut off your own head."

Nice.

"Hmm. How about this? You set her free and I keep it to myself that you, head consul, molest your victims before slaying them."

There was a growl from Lucius that made me cringe, and his voice was filled with such malice that I almost cowered. Keywords here being almost.

"What do you want it for?"

Wait a second! I was NOT an it and I was definitely NOT a she!

"Just think of it as repaying the debt for me protecting this society."

"You didn't answer my question..."

Hello! Was I NOT here?

"You should just agree, consul."

"I'm not afraid of you," I heard Lucius regaining his composure. "because you have no proof."

"I do."

I saw a figure step out from the shadows—one of my guards from earlier. James, I think it was?

Again, Lucius growled and I cringed.

"Just tell me what you want with her!"

I was not a girl! Leave it to Malfoy to save himself from being labeled a pouf, the bloody prat.

"Well, that's simple enough, consul. I want to keep her."

Wait, wait, wait… He wanted to WHAT!

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**SAA! Gomen. X( It was shorter than the last chapter, but.. X) LIVE WITH IT. Fufufu. – skidattle. -**


	3. Agreements and Disagreements

**A/N** Saa! So many reviews! Yay. X))) This is more than I ever expected to have! Ever! Please don't stop reading! X)) YOU GUYS KEEP ME MOTIVATED. I think I was scaring my parents because I was bouncing in my chair and squealing, and doing the hand to mouth wiggle thing. Then I would call my best friend every time I got a new review and squeal to her. xD I'm really excited! Also, I think maybe after this chapter I WILL have a Beta Reader—the wonderful Cobalt Violet! Love the name, by the way. ;x 1x2x1 FOREVER! READ THEIR STORIES. THEY'RE AWESOME. XO

**Emerald Tigriss** - - Purrs and nuzzles. - Sankyuu! I'm really glad you like it! Counter love and hugs! X))

**Cobalt Violet** – It's bloody awesome to have one of my favorite authors commenting AND offering to be my beta reader! Thank you sosososos much!

**Ophel** – Wee! Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it! Keep reading!

**Kungzoune** – I'm glad you liked it, and I will keep updating! Keep reading, please!

**Chinker** - ROFL. I LOVE YOU MY CHINK HUSBAND. XO - FLY TO AND CLING AND LUV - Even though I know you didn't read the story—you don't like slash. ;x Thank you for reviewing and encouraging me, though! It means a lot. NOW COME OVER AND EAT SOME PIZZA WITH ME. XO

**The Golden Shadow** – Yeah, I'm sorry about that confusion. X);; I actually had something in the first chapter separating the different parts, but they vanished after I posted too! Boo! And I don't know if the bloody second chapter did any better. – Pouts. –

**AffectedMangoO** – ROFL. I SEE YOU POSTING ON EVERYBODY'S THINGS! Thank you for posting on mine toooooo! And please don't die! I tried to make this chapter longer, I promise! - Revives. - X))

**Blueberry** - I'm glad you like it! I tried to make this chapter longer. X);; I'm sorry about the other two! Please keep reading!

**Happy face person**! - THANK YOU FOR COMING BACK. X )) I LOVE YOU. MORE CHAPTERS. – Feeds. -

Now that half of the story has been taken up by comments. xD Let chapter three of For You begin!

Disclaimer - STILL HASN'T CHANGED. You all know Harry Potter is DEFINITELY not mine.

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**For You**

**Chapter 3**: _Agreements and Disagreements_

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Sirius smiled to himself upon seeing both the captive's and the consul's reactions. It was priceless. He painted the images in his head for later reminiscing before pushing it to the back of his mind. Lucius didn't even have time to think as he lowered himself to one knee, capturing the thief's face between his forefinger and his thumb.

"It should be a sin to be so pretty," Sirius's voice was even as he turned to angel's face to different angles, inspecting. "Wonder why I never noticed you before."

As quickly as the pretty face was clasped in the archangel's hands, the captive jerked their head free, glowering at the one who'd been so bold as to touch 'her'.

"I make it a point to avoid disgusting, self-loathing filth like you." 'She' spat at his feet, glaring defiance.

There was a touch of a sneer on Sirius's face, and as he opened his mouth to speak, Malfoy quickly interjected.

"You can't have her. Any other angel except for her," Lucius sounded desperate now. "Anybody."

"None of the other females have ever quite caught my attention like this one has. If you're trying to get rid of her, just give her to me. I'll make it so you forget she ever existed."

"But she needs to be PUNISHED! She—"

"I don't care what she did, consul," Sirius interrupted, this time a bit annoyed. "I want her. And rest assure, her life will not be as simple living with me as you seem to think it will."

"Lord Po—"

"I suggest you just accept, consul. Either way, I will get her."

"Fine..." Lucius's voice was shaky, showing he was on the verge of losing it. "FINE. JUST GET OUT OF HERE NOW!"

Unlocking his prize and throwing 'her' over his shoulder, Sirius smiled, taking a bow.

"Thank you, milord. I'll take my leave."

Shortly after his departure, Lucius growled, kicking some of the torture utensils into the wall before going off to cancel the execution.

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I woke up to the sound of distant voices. Odd, but the more I awoke and came out of my daze, the clearer the voices became until I realized that the owners were right beside me and whispering over me. The voices were distinctly female.

"Do you think we should tell milord that his captive is actually a he?"

I heard a snort come from the other occupant and the sound of cloth moving against flesh before she spoke up.

"No, I don't think we should. Let him find out for himself and then drown in his own humiliation."

"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?"

"No," More movement from this one. "He's disgusting; I'm just helping to prove it. Why should I respect him when he does not respect me?"

"Because he takes care of you."

"Actually, I take care of him."

Listening to the two females argue, I drifted back into an uneasy sleep. What felt like moments later, there was a silence in the room that forced my eyes open in a curious wake. Where did everybody go?

"Finally awake, I see." The voice was alluring and soothing with a hint of an accent I couldn't quite place.

"Wha? Where did those girls go?" My voice sounded timid even to me. That was definitely not normal.

"They left hours ago, love. Long before you decided to rejoin the land of the living."

"Nobody up here is living," I was struggling to regain full consciousness and my prior attitude. So far so good. "We're all dead. You can never be alive if you can't die."

There was a long pause before I heard a chuckle from the one at my side. When he responded, his voice sounded like ice, thick with malice and a hatred I couldn't even begin to comprehend.

"But we can die, child. One clean swoop to detach our pretty little heads, and away we fall. Do not speak to me of your ideals, commoner. You know nothing."

"Oh, but you know every intricate detail because you're an archangel, right?" I didn't need to be told. His wings were proof enough in themselves. "Surely you, of all people, would know the extent of God's mercy." "Did you know that every killer in the Telestial(1) plain was an archangel in Heaven, pet? Funny, isn't it? Cursed for eternity to know how to do nothing but kill and then condemned for the rest of our weary lives because our souls couldn't forget how. You have to be more pure to get into heaven than you do to live in it, and there's no place for the soiled souls to return to after their mortal death, so they're stuck wandering, unable to return to their 'father'.

"They erase your memory after you descend because they think it's funny to watch you run around like a bunch of headless chickens trying to figure out whether God really exists or not. So tell me, pet. How merciful do you believe your God to be now?"

I was in shock. Nobody I'd ever met had held such a strongly opposed opinion against Him. Nobody.

"Well, I..." Hell. I didn't even know what to say.

"If you've got nothing to say, don't say anything at all. Your mouth completes your face better when it's closed and in a pout anyways, love."

I was really starting to hate his nicknames. In fact, I was starting to hate him. Just who the hell did he think he was, anyways? He busted in on my execution day parade, gallantly became my savior, and then flew me away on wings of flawless black... And NOW he was trying to put me back in my place and expecting me to be quiet about it! Nobody, and I mean NOBODY treats Remus J. Lupin like an invalid.

"You think that just because you've been through more and have seen more than I have, you're better than me? Well you're not, nor will you ever amount to a worth higher than mine. That's why you were born the archangel, not me. You get paid to be a killer and think that just because everybody and their mother idolizes you, I should grovel at your feet too? Fuck you(2). I didn't ask you to bring me here and I sure as hell didn't ask you to save me, either. So now I'm going to do a first and tell you to NEVER treat me like an unequal again, because I'm not. Now tell me how to get the hell out of here so I can get your filthy mug out of sight and out of mind."

His silence and the stunned look on his face would have been enough to bring a smile to mine if I hadn't been so royally pissed off. Well good! It was his turn to be shocked. I wasn't timid and I sure as hell wasn't backing down from the unspoken challenge of wits—but then he started laughing, and I felt like a fool.

"Just what the hell do you find so funny!"

I didn't get a response. Instead, the other rose from his seat and drifted over to me, his laughing slowly dying away as he regained his composure and stilled before me. Gently, he cupped my cheek in one hand, grin still broken out all over his face.

"I really do think I like you..." And then he did something I never expected to happen to me. Not from him; not from anyone—never.

Sirius Pollux Black had stolen my first kiss.

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**_Notes_**: (1). Okay. There are three levels of glory. Telestial, which is Earth, Terrestrial, which is one away from 'Heaven' where they "receive of the presence of the Son, but not of the fullness of the Father", and then there is Celestial, which also has three different branches to it, but is basically Heaven itself. On the Telestial Glory, it said, "That glory granted the inhabitants of the lowest kingdom of glory is called telestial glory. In the infinite mercy of a beneficent Father it supasses all mortal understanding, and yet it is in no way comparable to the glory of the terrestrial and celestial worlds. Telestial glory is typified by the stars of the firmament, and "as one star differs from another star in glory, even so differs one from another in glory in the telestial world"." It also compared the Terrestrial and Celestial to each other as the "sun and the moon". All exerts were taken from the book "Mormon Doctrine" by Bruce R. McConkie, page 778. Yes, I'm Mormon, no, I'm not getting Gody on you. X) I just thought that was an interesting little piece of information.

(2). OH NO. XO I MADE REMUS CUSS. Get over it. ) okay but not really I love you please forgive me. ;;

Sorry. In the end, I don't really think I like.. Left you all with a very good amount to read, but.. X));;; I tried. I already have this all written down in a notebook, so it actually looks longer on the paper than on the computer. I APOLOGISE! Anyways! I hope you all enjoyed! Much luv, muah!

--Mandie.


	4. Of Love and War

**A/N:** Review response time! And thanks to my lovely, lovely, wonderful beta, cobalt violet! Everybody should thank her too! She's just as important as the author, and so are all of you! Squee! - Glomps onto them all. - X))) I LOVE YOU!

**The Golden Shadow** – Yeah! I have it written in a notebook! - Grins. - If I had a scanner, I would scan a page and send it to you. – Winks. - And that's really cool that your family is atheist! Haha! So are all of my friends! With the few that are Wiccan. ;x I LOVE YOU! X)

**HAPPY FACE LUVIE!** – You came back again! Yaaay! Well, since I don't think from all that I've written of the story so far that any of those questions will be answered, I'll answer them in some author notes in the bottom! And yes, that is why I update so quickly. xD I'm glad you like it! I LOVE YOU!

**Devilita** – I can see I have a new face reviewing me! Yaaay! I'm glad you're enjoying it, so while you're here, have a nice stay in my world, and a safe trip back to reality. ;3! Keep reviewing!

**AffectedMangoO** - - Jumps up and down with! - You came back and reviewed! I'm glad you thought it was funny. My best friend did too, when I read it to her. She was dying over the phone. She's actually heard all that I have written so far since it was written for her! KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE! X))) I LOVE YOU!

**Rach** – Another new reviewer, yay! I'm going to try and make them fall in place, I really am, but there's a specific reason that they're not IC, as weird as that is. I know. Rofl. You're probably like, "GAH WTF UR WRITING FANFICTION DO IT RIGHT!" but I'm trryyyiiinnngg! ;0; PLEASE KEEP READING AND REVIEWING, THOUGH!

**Emerald Tigriss** – I love you too! - Purrs and nuzzles and continues to huggle. - And ROFL. I'm glad you think Remi's cute. xD Everybody else thinks he's OOC. Fufufu. Which he is, terribly. ;x But you know. Fufufu. You like the dirty smut Remus—which you'll probably be getting later on. Waay later on. So I return your much loves and hugs—AGAIN! X)

**December Jewel** – That seems to be what everybody is looking forward to! Thanks for reading, and keep doing it, please!

**SailorBaby16** – I'm glad you like it! But you'll have to wait for your questions to be answered. ;x Updating now!

**Cobalt Violet** – Of course you were grinning. ;P You're the beta reader now. xD So you'll never have to wait for chapters again! THANK YOU FOR FIXING THIS ONE TOO. YOUR ADDS AND FIXES WERE BRILLIANT. XO - HUGGLE – I LOVE YOU. XO

**Okaishichan** – Thank you! I'm glad you like it! Please keep reviewing!

**And before we start, in answer to the question everybody is asking**: _NO SIRIUS DOES NOT KNOW THAT REMUS IS A GIRL YET! ) fufufufuu.  
_  
Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen! Chapter four of For You, and I don't know what the Roman Numeral for it looks like anymore! Schools out, man. Letting the brain go to waste. X) ffufufu! - Begins! –

* * *

"_Barely cold in her grave,_

_Barely warm in my bed._

_Settling for a draw tonight._

_Puppet girl, your strings are mine_."

-- Feel For You, Night Wish

* * *

**For You**

**Chapter 4: **_Of Love and War_

* * *

Sirius walked from the room of his captive prize with a grin plastered to his lips. He'd walked away after the kiss, leaving the other speechless as he made for his meeting room; the archangels had another meeting.

The grand doors leading to the moderately sized room were thrown open to reveal at least seven other black winged creatures bickering, not even diverting their attention as he took a seat at the head of the long table, arranging a stack of papers before clearing his throat.

"What are you simple minded buffoons babbling on about now?"

At once, the air was immediately filled with an onslaught of angry voices and accusations. Sirius gave a small shake to his head before holding up a single hand, and the room instantly fell silent.

"Viktor," Sirius said, turning his attention to a handsome and elaborately dressed angel on his right, "Tell me what's going on, and make it brief."

The one named Viktor turned to fully face Sirius, hands disturbing his own fiery hair as they rose to animate his words, green eyes flashing dangerously in an unspoken anger for what he was about to speak.

"Thanks to you, Malfoy's going to demote us all _and_ is going to see if he can pass it by Him about getting rid of all the archangels and starting anew. Just what the hell was so important or pretty of his that you just _had_ to have anyway?"

As if on cue, the doors burst open and the exact thing that had distracted Sirius came stalking in. The servants that followed hurriedly after him, pleading him to stop, immediately fell silent at the doorway then bowed, backing out of the room.

Sirius' brows lifted elegantly as he watched the furious blonde descend the distance between them, and then the silence was broken with an echoing slap to the archangel's face.

"What the _hell_ do you think..._who_ the hell do you think you are! You just... just **_kiss_** me and then walk away like it's the most normal thing in all of Heaven! I... I... You..."

"_I_ am in the middle of a very important meeting, pet." The nickname was growled with a foreboding malice as Sirius caught one of Remus's wrists and twisted it into an awkward angle, drawing him in closer so he could press his mouth to his ear and whisper: "We'll talk about this later."

Remus drew back in disgust, drawing his arm back to take a swing and land another smack on the angel before him, but this time his hand was caught. It didn't dissuade him from his original intent, however, so he simply swung out with his fist.

"We'll talk about it **_now_**!" The punch connected with Sirius's jaw and the archangel's head snapped to the side upon impact.

For a moment, it seemed as if all time had frozen. Nothing in the entirety of the room moved as Sirius recovered from the shock. He had to admit; his new toy punched pretty well--for a girl.

"Well?" What do you have to say for yourself, you twisted bastard?"

Sirius slowly regained control of his semi-logical thoughts, but as soon as he met the gaze of this finally-realized stranger, his anger came flooding back anew, and any thoughts of gentleness vanished.(1)

Calloused hands wound tightly around blonde hair as the slender body stood to its full height. They were the same size. A hint of a smile touched his lips and turned them heavenwards as he brought one hand up to touch the other's cheek. Without warning, he grabbed the other's face tightly, thumb sinking into the socket of his eye as his forefinger dug into the hollows behind his ear, middle finger catching at the bone beneath his chin.

"Did I not tell you, woman, that I was in the middle of a very important meeting? That was me being nice. Now I'm warning you; Get the hell out of here before I follow through with that execution I saved you from earlier in the day."

"Go to hell." The words were forced from Remus's mouth, as he struggled to talk through the pain he was suffering from that simple action.

"Wrong answer."

Sirius drew Remus's head back, still holding him by the face before slamming his head into the table. "Gentlemen, if you'll excuse me for a moment, I will return shortly."

* * *

My face hurt like hell, and now, to make it worse, he was dragging me from the hall by my hair, through the doors, and all the way back to the room I'd been in before.

"I can't believe you." There was a small pause as he threw me down onto the bed, following after to shove me hard on my back by the shoulders. "You come in and proceed to make a fool out of me over something as petty as a kiss on the lips? You're acting like you're a blushing virgin and I took your first kiss or something."

Wow. That actually kind of sucked he guessed first time.

"And so the hell what if I am?" I put my hands on his chest and gave him a hard shove, trying to throw him off of me. "Get off and go back to your meeting! **I hate you**!"

He didn't budge, so I gave another hard shove to his chest, only this time he grasped my wrists and pinned them above my head, looking rather amused.

"But it was so important to you that you burst in on my meeting and made a big scene. Well, I'm here now, love. Keep going. It was just getting good."

I was horrified. Was he hitting on me? Instead of responding, I glared at him with a small pout.

"Don't have anything to say now, love?" Sirius whispered into my ear, just as I felt him running a hand up my side.

"You're a **pig**! Get off of me!" I snarled.

Again I shoved him, but this time I succeeded. (When had he let my hands go? I wondered.) Quickly, I sat up, scrambling backwards on the bed until I was pressed against the headboard, eyes narrowed at him.

I heard a small chuckle from him as he shifted and sat up on the bed again, slowly crawling towards me like a predator hunting his prey.

"I think maybe I _should_ do something you can make a big deal out of, love." His voice was low, smooth and slightly sinister.

I didn't know what to do. I was completely speechless, and for a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me again, but there was a knock at the bedroom door that stalled his advances.

Crawling away from me, he moved towards the door and opened it. Whatever was whispered by the apologetic angel standing outside, had Sirius running down the hall, looking furious.

Well, at least he was gone. I lay back on the soft mattress of the bed and felt my entire body relaxing almost against my will - I was so comfortable.

I knew I drifted off to sleep, but I don't know for how long, because the next time I woke up was to a female scream and my door being thrown open.

**

* * *

**

**A/N**: (1). NO HE HASN'T REALIZED HE'S NOT A GIRL YET. xD Okay. And now to answer my happy face luvie's questions!

1. _Has Sirius noticed that Remus is a guy_? No. X)

2. _Is Sirius's father/upbringing the reason he detests God_? Yes and no. Sirius doesn't really actually hate God, he just doesn't believe that God is so wonderful. He believes that just like the rest of them, God is not flawless, and that he too can slip and make mistakes. However, he's hateful not only because he was never taught how to love, but because he's been a killer since he was sixteen, and that kind of stripped him of any humanity he had left.

3. _Why does Remus dislike the nobility so much_? Well, because Remus is a street rat and doesn't think it's fair that people like him should have to starve while people like Lucius, who have enough money to feed everybody and are supposed to be looking out for the well being of everybody, lazes around in their mounds of gold and do nothing about it. X);;

I hope that helped! Until next time! TTFN, ta ta for now!

--Mandie.


	5. Secrets Revealed Part I

**A/N**: Review response time!

**December Jewel** – Thank you so much for reading! I don't know how much longer he'll have a backbone, but.. We'll see! xD

**AffectedMangoO** - LOOK! This chapter is LONGER than all of them! Fufufuf. So you better love me and update. xD Besides! I KNOW WHERE YOUR LJ IS!

**Kungzoune** – It might take a while. ;0; I apologize. And ONLY because I'm not planning on rushing them into sleeping with each other. X) just teasing

**Ivy Crane** – No, they didn't realize Remus is a guy. The only one that knows is Korei—and maybe James.

**Emerald Tigriss** - GOOD. ROFL. I'm glad you like him. X) He will fall into character though, hopefully. Muu. X( - Huggles back and then dances. - ;x much luv and hugs returned!

**Chimerical** - - Grins a little. - But where's the fun in that? ;x

**Shine** – Thank you for reading and the review! I'm updating now, see? See see see? - Waits for cookie. –

**Happy Face Person of Happiness**! – You're welcome! Fufufu. ;x Maybe they will, maybe they won't. Only TIME and forcing Mandie to update will tell.

**HappyDappyDrunk** - I'm glad you reviewed at all! Did you have a good vacation? X) Well, I'm glad you like it, and HOPEFULLY it will prove to be interesting when he finds out he's a boy. ;P

**Corn** – Ha ha! It made me think of Aladdin too. Rofl. As sad as that it. ;x Anyways! I noticed you're right. The action doesn't come in until around the end of the story though(if it works out how I planned), so I'll change it to General—for now. X);;

**Cobalt Violet** - FORGET THE MISTAKES. XO It's better than what I had down, and you KNOW it! xD Besides, you're beta reading me for free! I can't argue with that—I love you! X)) Yaaayyy!

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER, DAMN IT.

And thank you so, so, so, so much again to my beta reader **Cobalt Violet**, who had better update her stories soon or I'll be forced to inflict damage:BOXES: XO

* * *

**For You**

**Chapter 5: **_Secrets Revealed Pt. I_

* * *

Sirius stormed down his halls towards the meeting chamber, face contorted in a mixed expression of anger and loathing. The news he'd just received was unthinkable, and even enough to get half of the archangels executed.

Throwing the doors open, Sirius strode into the room, shaking with intense anger.

"Where is she?"

Upon his entrance, the entire hall fell silent, and slowly, Viktor rose to his feet, defiant glare plastered to his face.

"It's me." This time the voice was distinctly feminine, no longer the gruff growl they'd always known.

It was like lightening had struck and the power went out, because before anybody in the room could even finish blinking, Sirius had the imposter slammed against the wall and a dagger at her throat.

"You fucking **bitch**! How _dare_ you imitate a soldier! War's not a game, little girl, I should kill you now..."

"You can't." She was watching him without fear, her wings flexing then drooping behind her. "Heaven's rules state that it's illegal to kill a woman before they have a trial."

"Women with white wings, perhaps, but yours are black. You should have been killed at birth," he frowned, his expression growing more ominous, "so why the hell are you still alive?"

"I was raised my entire life to fight and imitate a man because my parents could only have one child," she snarled, struggling against his grip. "Isn't it ironic that when they finally did succeed, she was destined to be a killer?"

"That doesn't change the fact that I could kill you now."

"I already proved myself worthy on the battlefield, but if you wish to kill me..." She tilted her head back, exposing her neck. "Go ahead."

"No," Sirius smiled coldly, leaning in and touching his lips to the woman's. "That's not degrading enough."

He heard a soft murmur begin behind him before he was shoved away by 'Viktor'.

"Don't touch me."

A slow, menacing smile touched Sirius' lips as he pivoted on his heel, turning towards the gathering and motioning towards the door with a gracious bow. "Gentlemen – if that's truly what you are – I'm afraid we'll have to continue this meeting a little later. My sincerest apologies."

The murmurs erupted into angry protests as Sirius turned his back on them, grinning as he once again came face to face with his latest victim.

"You chose to mess with the wrong man, madam."

"**Lord Pollux**! This is an outrage! We should all have a say in the fate of...Viktor...or whatever the hell her name is!" An angel stated, angrily climbing to his feet as he brought his hands down hard on the top of the table.

"Actually, I'm the one in charge of you all, therefore, her fate rests in my hands, not yours," Sirius retorted as he roughly grabbed the female by the wrist and yanked her up and over one shoulder. "Now, I'll be taking my leave."

"Lord Pollux!" Another archangel growled, standing up to join the first – clearly shaken from his shocked stupor by Sirius's decisive move. "This matter concerns all of us, not just you! You're simply taking her away because she's a woman! That's unjust!"

"Any further protests and it'll be your heads!" Suddenly Sirius's voice was furious and he was struggling to keep the girl thrown over his shoulder.

He didn't give any time for further protestations, and instead turned on his heel and stormed out of the meeting hall.

As soon as "Viktor" saw the doors to his room, she started screaming. Ignoring her, Sirius shoved the doors wide open and, setting her down, pushed her inside. He chuckled quietly as he came in after her, noticing the startled shock on Remus's face.

* * *

"Well, well, well, sleeping beauty. Did we fall asleep?" His voice was sweet, dripping with honey, and it made me sick.

"What the hell are you doing?" I jumped quickly to my feet and rushed over to the female who was currently putting up a losing fight with Sirius to get to the door and out of the room.

"Teaching a little girl that she shouldn't impersonate a soldier, love." Sirius's voice was still too sweet, and it caused a deeper scowl to form on my face.

"Get out of here."

The smile on Sirius's face faltered and he glared at me.

"Pardon?"

"I said get the hell out of here _now_, before I castrate you, you pig." My voice was shaky and slowly rising in volume, as was my anger. He'd already pushed it when he was fooling with me, but I did **not** like to see a girl in distress.

"This is my house, pet. Do not assume that you can tell me what to do."

"Get out." I was growling now as I stalked towards him. You see, I am not a weakling like most believe me to be. If you press all the right buttons, I _am_ liable to kick your ass."

"What're you going to do? Hit me?" Sirius's grin flattered me, because I knew it'd be off his face in no time. "Let's see you try, then."

I didn't need much more encouragement than that. Upon reaching him, I grabbed him by the collar of the shirt and dragged him over to the open door, shoving him violently out of it.

Whatever he'd been expecting, it had not been that – I could tell by the dumbfounded look on his face as I slammed the door and locked it. I heard him laughing through the thick wood, but I ignored it and turned instead to the girl.

For a moment we just stared, taking in each other's appearances and analyzing how much we could really trust one another, before she spoke up, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

"That was just a show, wasn't it?" She spat the words accusingly at me, backing up warily. "Using one of his women to get close to me—how disgusting."

I had an acute sense of déjà vu when she called me a woman and rolled my eyes heavenward before making my way back to the bed and sitting on it. She must have thought I was going to attack her or something, because the moment I got close, she hurriedly moved away.

"Calm down, alright? I'm not going to hurt you," I pushed some of my own blonde strands back from my face before continuing: "And I can't speak for him, but this definitely had nothing to do with me."

"But you're one of his women, right?" I could tell she still doubted me just from her voice, and the way she stared at me. "So what would keep you from telling him anything I decided to confide in you?"

I sighed a little, raising my hands to my head and rubbing at my temples before I looked back up at her.

"Okay, you know what? Fine. I'm one of his women and I'm so bloody eager for you to spill out your problems so I can totally relate." I knew that she sensed my sarcasm from the look on her face, and that only made me smirk. "But before we start giving manicures and swapping stories about how hot Pollux is and getting all bubbly and giggly, let me clear a couple things up. One: Never once did I volunteer myself to be your confidant. Number two: I'm a captive just like you, not another one of his "women". And number three: I'm a guy, not a girl, and my name is Remus."

She stared at me dumbly, mouth opening and closing before her eyes narrowed to slits and she glared menacingly at me.

"I never asked you to be my confidant!"

I smiled, interrupting her. "And thank Heavens, because the last thing I wanted to hear was some giddy female telling me how much life sucks and how often she's on the rag."

She stared at me in complete shock before the scowl on her face deepened. "If you're a captive, why did he put you in a room and not a dungeon?" The suspicion returned to her eyes as she looked at me coldly.

Again, I smirked and replied: "Why didn't he do it to you?"

She frowned for a moment longer before the expression slowly melted into a triumphant grin – as though she had won our little game of wits.

"Fine," she murmured, "then tell me why Lord Black, straightest man alive, would take another man captive and lock him up in one of his finest rooms."

I smiled too, leaning back a bit on the bed. "Because he thinks I'm a girl."

She laughed at that, moving to stand face to face with me.

"You've had to have slept with him, right? Surely he would have noticed."

"I haven't slept with him, nor will I ever."

She looked at me in disbelief, then sighed, plopping down beside me on the bed. "Fine. Prove you're a man. Your beauty speaks against you, anyway."

I rolled my eyes and got to my feet. Couldn't she tell by my voice that I was male? Turning to face her slowly, I grabbed the hem of the shirt I was wearing and tugged it up and over my head to expose my chest.

I was not of a muscular build, having more of a lean frame with wiry muscles and a smooth chest, but my figure was perfect for a thief.

Her eyes roved over my abdomen and slowly up until she reached my face. Growling impatiently, I frowned, letting my irritation show.

"Are you satisfied?" I muttered, reaching hastily for my shirt again. Her voice stopped me.

"No, I'm not. You could just be a rather flat-chested, manly girl," she cooed, grinning at me.

"Pervert," was my only reply as I undid the clasp to my pants and tugged them off of my hips(1).

At this she gawked, and I couldn't help but grin as I fixed my clothing back up properly.

"Now are you convinced?"

She could only stare.

* * *

**A/N**: 1. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

/edit/ Dude, I'm insane.. (


	6. A Little Show of Affection

**A/N:** I'M SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE! xD I really am! X);; Gomen! And after this chapter, you'll have to wait even LONGER. And again, special thanks to Cobalt Violet, who's been patient and the bestest beta reader one's allowed to have! And now, time for Review Response time! Chuu!

**December Jewel** - ;x CONTINUING! And sorry for the confusion. xD I seem to do that to people a lot.

**HappyDappyDrunk** - xD I'm glad I could make you laugh! I like when I make people do that! Glad you're enjoying it, too. It makes it all worth while!

**Kungzoune** - I can't wait to write about him finding out about Remus being a girl. xD I still have yet to even PLAN that scene. Kukuku Keep reading! X))

**Emerald Tigriss** - xDDD - Glomps back. - I'm glad you liked it! KEEP READING, BECAUSE I LOVE YOUR REVIEWS. COUNTER LOVE AND HUGS x 6846984689! ;x

**The Golden Shadow** – It's fine! I don't want you to feel like you have to review every chapter! Every once in a while is just fine with me, and I love hearing from you when you do review! X))) - Glompage. –

**Menta** - Dahahah. ;x

**HAPPY FACE LUVIE!** XO – Rrofl. ;x MAYBE.. MAYBE YOU SHOULD WAIT AND SEE! xD - Glompage. –

**AffectedMangoO** - Sorry, but he's not finding out this chapter. ;x You'll have to wait some more. And daahahah, yes, that is the word. xD Lots of luv! Keep reading!

**Ivy Crane** – RROFL. BUT OF COURSE. WHO ELSE?

**Anonymous Reviewer who left no name!** XO - I'm sorry. xD I'm horrible, leaving you hanging like that. Here you go! Enjoy!

**AngelofSoul** - Don't hurt me! - Cowers and shoves over the chappie as a peace offering. - xD

**Kawaii Thief Kitsune** - SO CUTE. - GLOMPAGE - xD Here's your second serving of For You. ;x - Hands over the chapter. –

**GrimPadfoot** - xDDDDD CAN I STILL GIVE YOU A LITTLE MOONY! Come visit me on IRC, damn you! xD You know which channel to find me in. EITHER THAT OR IM ME. Krad Is The Sex or Hasunumaa. Whichever is fine. X)

**_INFACT, YOU CAN ALL IM ME IF YOU WANT!_** I'm not a mean writer who gets annoyed by her fans. O I LIKE YOU-- -SCREAMS- SPIDER ON THE COMPUTER STAND. CIAO!

* * *

**For You  
**  
**Chapter 6**: _A Little Show of Affection

* * *

It was well past midnight, the candles and the fire in Sirius's study were burning low, and he decided it was time for bed._

Picking up the candle that had been placed in the small holder accompanying it, he got to his feet with a loud yawn, stretching a bit, before moving out of his study and into his own room. What he saw didn't surprise him in the least.

Both of the females were curled up on the bed and asleep.

With a gentle scowl darkening his features, he moved over to the bed and picked up the girl with red hair – the one he'd found to be a traitor – and she instantly curled into the warmth offered by his body.

He shook his head a bit, muttering something about women, before he moved with his prisoner back out of his room and into the hall.

It didn't take long before he reached a small chamber with a bed, which he placed her on before taking a step back.

He had to admit, the girl who'd pissed him off by posing as one of his best fighting archangels, was actually rather pretty. Her eyes had held a fiery, vivid passion for life. She was smaller, but not unpleasantly so, and she'd developed in all the right places.

Nothing compared to his thief, however.

Remus had full, pouting lips, completed by amber eyes that burned bright with defiance; thick lashes that kissed smooth, pale skin, every time 'she' blinked, in turn, complimented the golden hues.

Blond hair fell in silky waves, coiling around 'her' shoulders and face. He had to admit, though, Remus definitely had a long way to develop. 'She' was flat, and her curves were practically nonexistent, almost like a man's.

Could 'she' even give him an heir?

Sirius shook his head and turned from the bed, taking long strides from the room, stopping only to close the door.

He reached his own room in a matter of minutes, only to find himself being silently watched by a sleepy-eyed thief.

Sirius chuckled a bit to himself as he removed his clothing, all but laughing as realization dawned on his captive, and the other stared on.

"What's wrong, pet? Never seen a naked man before?" Sirius cooed tauntingly, as he slowly made his way to the bed.

At this, the other frowned and raised his chin up stubbornly. "I've seen a naked man plenty of times."

"So then you're not a virgin, love?"

Remus's eyes narrowed to slits. "It's not your business whether I am or not. And what the hell are you doing in my room? Get out."

"Actually," Sirius purred, as he lowered his weight on the bed and slowly crawled forwards, "It's my room, love, and you're the one in it."

Remus threw the covers off of his body and immediately made for his feet. He was halfway up before he was grabbed around the middle and tugged back down to the bed, pinned beneath the other.

"What the hell are you doing? Get OFF me!"

"No," Sirius stated bluntly, fingertips grazing the jaw line of the other. "Tell me why I should."

"Because I WANT you to. Now go away!" Remus spat, struggling.

"Not a good enough reason, love."

Before Remus could retort, Sirius sealed his lips on top of the others. A few more seconds of struggling and then Remus gave in to the skilled mouth of his captor.

The kiss was soft at first, but then it became demanding. Sirius caught Remus's bottom lip between his teeth, coaxing the soft flesh into his mouth making it swell slightly with a gentle, constant suction to the pink flesh.

Head tilting to the side, Sirius deepened the kiss still further, hands trailing up the flat of Remus's stomach and pausing on his chest.

That was when Remus snapped back to reality, but before he could move or say anything, Sirius drew away from the kiss.

"Goodnight, love," Sirius murmured, pressing his lips to Remus's cheek before drawing the other against him. "See you in the morning."

Remus sighed, wiggling a bit to get comfortable. He might as well; Sirius wasn't letting go anytime soon.

* * *

Sirius woke up in the dead of the night from a nightmare. His breath was ragged – hard to catch – and his chest still hurt like hell from the memory of his dream.

Running one hand across his chest would serve as enough proof that the large scar marring his flesh was still sealed, not gaping and drowning his clothes in the warm, sticky crimson liquid of his own life. The memory still haunted him though.

The memory of how he'd gotten it.

At the sound of movement on the bed beside him, he almost jumped, until he remembered exactly who was lying in it.

"Wha's 'rong wi' yuu?" Remus's voice was slurred with sleep, eyes barely visible in the dying firelight, as he blinked dazedly.

Sirius must've screamed.

"Nothing. Go to sleep."

"Bu' yuu jus' screamed, an'..."

"And I'm sorry, now go back to sleep."

There was silence and Sirius let out a low breath, thankful that he didn't have to explain himself. Still, the dream lingered in his mind.

It was his first war, and he was horrified yet fascinated at the same time from all the death and bloodshed. It disgusted him, yet drew him in, death flirting with him as he moved to face one opponent after the other.

Each battle was successful until he met...

A hand on his back rubbing soothingly roused him from his thoughts with a start, drawing his head around to look at Remus before he dropped his head into his hands, turning away.

"I thought you hated me." Sirius growled, though he was in no hurry to sever the other's attempts at comfort.

"I do," Remus murmured after a moment. "But I can't sleep with you making so much noise, an'..."

A couple moments of silence passed between the two, Sirius waiting for the other to say something, but when he didn't finish, Sirius turned to him questioningly.

"And?"

"And... I don't like seeing people in distress." After a moment, Remus sighed, looking up to meet the others gaze. "Pollux... What's wrong?"(1)

For a moment, Sirius was silent. Pollux? Why had the other used his middle name; how had he known it? Worse yet, how did he know anything when he hadn't even whispered a—oh, Viktor, she must have shared this information with the other captive.

"Why do you care?" He wasn't used to anybody caring about what happened to him, and he didn't know how to react to it, either.

Remus flinched at the malice in the other's voice, but he wouldn't give up so easily. True, he hated this man, but he hated not getting any sleep even more. "Because it's a bit unnerving to see somebody of your strength and power waking up, screaming at God knows what hour of the night and becoming hysterical."

"I'm not becoming hysterical," Sirius growled, shoving the other's hand away from his back. "Everybody has bad dreams."

Remus snorted, dropping his hand to the bed as he looked away. "Only those with something terrible to relive or think about."

"Well, I am an archangel, so--"

"So you dream about killing people?" Remus cut in, leaning up close so Sirius was forced to look him in the eye. And when he spoke again, his voice was softer this time, almost sympathetic. "You don't like killing people, Pollux?"

Sirius locked eyes with the other. Remus looked so sincere, almost like he really did have genuine concern for him. He forced his face into a scowl, quickly looking away, his voice coming out in a low, uncertain growl.

"Don't interrupt me... And no. I don't like killing." His voice strengthened with his next statement, again meeting Remus's eyes. "But it's something I have to do, even if I regret it."

"Pollux..." Remus put a hand to his captor's back again, rubbing in slow circular motions comfortingly again. "Tell me what happened."

Remus almost believed that Sirius was about to tell him, just from the look in his eyes, but after a moment the cobalt blue eyes closed, and Sirius sent thousands of ebony strands whirling about his face as he shook his head, lying back on the bed again.

"No. Good night, Remus."

* * *

That was the first time he'd ever used my name. Usually it was some pet name, like "love" or "pet", but this was the first time he'd used my name.

Ever.

I could only stare for hours after he'd fallen back to sleep, amazed.

How did he know my name anyway? I didn't recall telling him.

Gathering my own courage with a little smile, I leaned over the other and planted a kiss on his forehead, brushing my fingers across his hairline.

"Goodnight, Pollux."

Getting to my feet without any sound, I began to do what I hadn't had a chance to do before: I explored the room.

There was nothing extraordinary about this particular room. The Walls were curtained, blanketed with many pictures and lined by candleholders. Some of the plaster was peeling at the corners, but I had a feeling that this gloomy exterior would not remain as such for long. Each room was usually serviced day after day.

I didn't, however, find what I'd wanted to see most: a picture of his family. I was looking for a wife, a couple kids; maybe even a Mum or Dad, but none of this could be found. It just led me further to believe that Sirius really was a terrible monster that would not, love. It was already obvious that he was blind, seeing as it wasn't so difficult to see I wasn't really a girl – and since I knew now that he knew my name, e surely should have worked it out, shouldn't he?

I sat down in a small, revolving chair and spun to face the dusty, unused vanity before me. I stared hard at my reflection, mindless of the shadows that danced across my face under the influence of the low candlelight.

"You don't look like a girl," I whispered to myself, picking up an old brush and running my fingers over the teeth as I thought. "No, not in the least."

Then why don't you tell him?

As if in slow motion, I brought the brush to my own blonde hair and began to comb through it, choosing to ignore the voice taunting me at the back of my mind by loosening a day's worth of tangles.

You should tell him, you know.

I growled, slamming the brush down.

"This is stupid," I whispered, still glaring at the faint reflection in the mirror. "Why am I getting all worked up and flattered about something a stupid senseless pouf says about me?"

I was totally disgusted with myself, overcome with a sudden bout of self- loathing. I knew I was beautiful because I'd heard it countless times before, murmured behind my back as I walked passed.

I hated it.

Suddenly I wanted to rip the mirror away from the priceless vanity and smash the reflective glass that could not lie. In my mind, I already had, laughing hysterically as the pieces flashed dangerously in the dying light, tearing open my flesh and drawing blood, so that I could watch it pool from the wounds and fall to the floor in a beautiful dance with death and insanity making the dangerous game even more exciting to me as I watched myself die in my mind's eye.

In reality, I was still staring at my reflection, sitting motionless, with bated breath, waiting for the daydream to pass..

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** 1. Okay, I know in the beginning it said his middle name was "Castor". Castor and Pollux are the names of the Gemini twins(yay for gemini's!), and a bit of research helped me to find out that Pollux was the fighter while Castor was more gentle and a horse tamer. Therefore, his middle name has from this point on been changed to Pollux. XO Also, if any of the characters said Sirius's name in front of him, it wasn't supposed to happen that way, and it doesn't in my notebook either, but who's to say what I changed on the computer! So anyways, Remus is NOT supposed to know Sirius's first name because this is IMPORTANT TO MY STORY PLOT. XO YOU HEAR ME? IT'S IMPORTANT!

Also. I'm really, terribly sorry. This story was being written for my best friend, and me and her had a bit of a tiny falling out when this last chapter occurred, so I quit writing. Which means! IT'S GOING TO TAKE LONGER FOR UPDATES, BECAUSE NOW I HAVE TO PUT MY BRAIN BACK TO USE AND WRITE MORE! X) And I will! I promise. This is the longest story I've ever written, really! I hope you enjoy it.

Until next time !


	7. Intoxication

**A/N**: WEE! I'M BACK! - Strike random, brilliant, blinding pose. - Ahahaha. Did you miss me? ;x - Glomps onto all her fans like a rabid, evil, something. - X) Fuu! And, much, many, numerous thanks to my wonderful beta reader who thinks that I will soon be kicking her to the curb. HA. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME, COBALT. – Whisper. - I know where you email..  
  
AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO! Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for the author review response time!  
  
**AffectedMangoO**: - Bleeds as the poke penetrates her skin. - XO That's right! ;0; But look! I was faithful to my word, wasn't I? X) COBALT AND I FAITHFULLY BROUGHT YOU THE NEXT CHAPTER. And you're welcome for the fluff. It was a pleasure giving it. X)  
  
**Toshide**: Yeah, I'm a real ditz IRL, you have no idea. I get on DDR machines and magically cut my foot, I fall at any random given moment, whether I'm sitting, standing, or walking, and I'm prone to random bouts of stupidity. It's horrible, but despite all of that, I will continue to write like I am now, with my Mother talking into my ear and telling me to clean.  
  
**{Muah}**: Updated! And I'm glad you like it! X)  
  
**Kawaii Thief Kitsune**: - Offer tissue, return the glomp. - Indeed he does. =( But wouldn't you if your hair made everybody believe you were the opposite gender? ;x  
  
**Ivy Crane**: Thank you very much! ;x And uh.. – Grins. – Here you goooo!  
  
**HappyDappyDrunk**: DAHAHAH. It's because I'm wicked, milove. I love to make my pretties wait. ;x And no, he doesn't. Read the above response. Fuufuufuu! CHEERS AND LOVE. XO KEEP READING!  
  
**December Jewel**: Your wish is my command, love. X)  
  
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**Seika**: I thought you wrote your review splendidly! And I really like angels too. Angels and demons. X) And I know they're ooc. ;; M'sorry! As for the rest..! Fuufuufuu… Enjoy! ;x  
  
**_Disclaimer_**: THAT'S RIGHT, PEOPLE. IT STILL HASN'T CHANGED. HARRY POTTER IS STILL NOT MINE TO TWIST AND DELUDE. But omfb I'm doing it anyways—without the profits—for betterment of the WORLD.  
  
Enjoy!

* * *

  
**For You**  
  
**Chapter 7**: _Intoxication_

* * *

When Sirius woke up the next morning, it was to the odd sensation of an 'empty feeling' bed. He didn't know why it felt empty, he just knew that it did, and as one arm slid across the width of the mattress, he finally realized why.  
  
Remus was gone.  
  
The ebony haired warrior sat up, fast as lightning, bed sheets peeling away from his body to pool in his lap, exposing his naked chest. Where the hell had his thief gone to?  
  
Sleep heavy eyes dragged slowly from corner to corner of the room and fell only on the few items lining the walls to keep his chamber from looking naked and empty.  
  
"Where the bloody hell did that prat run off to?" he growled, swinging his legs over the side of the bed before getting to his feet.  
  
Clothes were gathered hastily and pulled over his body, normal, everyday house wear that clung tightly to the torso, resembling nothing so much as a black set of a Catholic priest's robes — without all the intricate, godly designs.  
  
Swinging the large doors to his room open, Sirius strode out with a look on his face that promised murder for anybody that bothered him. He didn't get to scowl for very long however, because a commotion from down the hall caught his attention and unconsciously he found himself striding towards "Viktor's" room.  
  
The first thing he saw was at least three maids being pushed from the door. He caught the closest one as they all tumbled backwards, breaking her fall.  
  
"What the hell is going on in here?" he growled at the cowering female before shoving her to the side without waiting for an answer and stepping through the door, instantly pausing at the sight that greeted his eyes, mocking him with its strangeness.  
  
It was "Viktor" and Remus, and they were drunk.

* * *

"Well, well, well! Look 'oo decided to join us, Lils! The prince himself!" I slurred, dipping into a less than graceful bow.  
  
"Haa!" I heard the female by me croak, flailing haplessly for my arm to keep herself balanced. It didn't do any good however. We were both mindlessly drunk, and in my state of intoxication, the added weight to my own poorly supported mass sent us both to the floor in a fit of giggles.  
  
Well, _she_ giggled. I chuckled, because men did not giggle unless they were flamboyantly gay, and I **definitely** wasn't a pansy!  
  
"Who is Lils?" I heard a voice growl, breaking through some of the hazy, random thoughts bouncing around as though they were on speed in my head.  
  
Both Lily and I stared for a moment before looking at each other and doubling over with laughter.  
  
Somehow we'd managed to remember that Sirius knew Lily as Viktor.  
  
I watched somewhat dizzily as the red head stumbled to her feet and clutched onto Sirius's chest, the sudden blur of colors and movement making me feel nauseous.  
  
"M'Lils, ya brute," Lily hiccupped, smiling drunkenly before she leaned up closer to his face to whisper to him. "But you're not allowed to call me tha'. On'y real good friens'. 'Ya hafta call me Lily."  
  
She dragged on the last part of her name, making us both break out into giggles again.  
  
Sirius jerked his head back, cringing at the smell of alcohol that lingered strongly on Lily's breath and shoved her away, drawing a small "oop!" from her as she hit the ground.  
  
The sudden movement made my stomach tighten painfully this time, and then I was doubled over, throwing up the contents of my stomach much to the distress and fascination of Lily.  
  
"Ew, Rem. Tha' looks nasteh..!" she giggled before looking at Sirius. "An' you!" she pointed a finger accusingly at the furious archangel, raising her voice. "Don' you ever push me a'gin!"  
  
Instead of retorting, I heard footsteps behind me and suddenly felt weightless. It took me a minute, but I finally realized that it was because Sirius had lifted me up and over his shoulder.  
  
" 'Ey! Wha' ya doin'?!" I protested, putting up my best struggle as I swallowed down more bile that rose to my throat. "Le' me down!"  
  
But my drunken slander was ignored, and instead he turned his attention over to Lily.  
  
"Who gave you the alcohol?" he growled, his grip on my thigh tightening painfully.  
  
"A lil' birdy!" I heard Lily exclaim like a child, and despite the current situation, I found myself giggling—chuckling—again.  
  
"**_Who_**?!"  
  
I was thrown forwards a bit, making Sirius's shoulder dig painfully into my stomach as he moved towards Lily as though he were going to attack.  
  
I couldn't see either of their faces, but I could tell from Lily's voice that Sirius was looking at her in such a way that he had her terrified.  
  
"J-James."  
  
_Ah. So that was that fellow's name_, I mused, picking at a strand of Sirius's hair unconsciously. He was a real nice lad, that one. I think he rather fancied Lily.  
  
Without speaking another word, Sirius was storming from Lily's chambers with me over his shoulder, and I was left with nothing to do except return the sheepish wave she was giving me.

* * *

I found myself tossed onto the bed from the night before and again I gagged, but before anything could come up, Sirius had a bucket beneath my mouth.  
  
"Sankyuu," I mumbled, before throwing up again. I didn't get any response to my appreciation, and looking up it clicked somewhere in the back of my mind that I wouldn't; Sirius had left.  
  
"Bastard," I hissed drunkenly at the shadows on the wall before throwing myself backwards and on my back.  
  
For some reason I had suddenly become angry with him. I wanted to get back at him, to make his face contort in anger. But how? I couldn't hold on to a single logical thought for very long, not with the effect the alcohol I had consumed was having on me.  
  
What had to be at least an hour later, after I'd had time to calm down, the doors were thrown open, banging loud enough against the walls to rouse me from my stupor.  
  
"Wha –?" I mumbled, looking up at him as he advanced towards the bed.  
  
"He's gone." Sirius growled, throwing himself on the bed next to me.  
  
"Awe. Poow baby le' the mousy ge' 'way?"  
  
"Shut up, Remus."  
  
"Kay," I obliged with a mumble, smiling lazily in the archangels direction.  
  
Silence. Sirius was completely silent, and I suspected it had something to do with my sudden willingness to obey.  
  
"Why're you agreeing?" he asked suddenly, confirming my suspicions.  
  
" 'Cause I'm intoxicated!" I happily stated, sitting up.  
  
"You're stupid."  
  
"And a boy."  
  
"And a b—" he paused halfway through agreeing with me, turning suddenly large eyes over to me. "What'd you say?"  
  
" 'Sed I'm a boy!" My voice was proud, as though this was a rare gift. "I thought you knew."  
  
Sirius's face resembled that of a victim's in a horror movie.  
  
I was so proud.

* * *

**A/N**: SO SHORT. XO I KNOW, BUT YOU LOVE AND FORGIVE ME ANYWAYS! - sob. - 


	8. Secrets Revealed Part II

**December Jewel**: X)) - Glomps. –

**HappyDappyDrunk**: - Snickerfits and winks. - Well, I think this chapter will make up for the shortness, anyways.

**Kawaii Thief Kitsune**: - Grins. - Alas, it was a lovely image..

**Dampilleta**: XO DSL:FKJSD I POSTED IT. – Sobs. - And it is different. xD There's a reason for that too, and it's not just because I don't want to follow any "clichés". ;x Anyways, enjoy.

**The Golden Shadow**: xD I'm glad you liked it, I was having so much fun writing it.. ;x

**Happy Face Luvie**: Yes indeed he did. xD And thank you. Btw, James gave them the alcohol! ;O - Nod. - It says so in Chapter 7.

**Cobalt Violet**: - Counter glomps. - xD YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME, MAN. When we're old and graying, I'LL BE THERE WAVING MY NEXT CHAPTER AT YOU. And of course you would beta read them. ;x You are my very honored and loved Beta Reader. xD BESIDES. YOU GET INPUT ON THE STORY TOO, so in a way it's yours as well. X) Now.. WRITE MY SMUT.

**Emerald Tigriss**: Lol! It's fine. xD You reviewed chapter 7 so all is good in the world! - Tilts her head. - Though it DOES look like I'm losing reviewers. xD Oh well. C'est la vie. AND AHAHA. YOU LIKED THOSE CHAPTERS? You'll love this one. ;x - counter hugs and kisses x infinity. –

**{was muah}**: Fuwahahaha. ;x Phear my cliff hangers. And thank you, I'm glad you like it. X) - Grins. - It's thanks to Cobalt too, you know, since she makes sure it's all pretty before I ship it. AND LOOK IT'S UPDATED. WOO!

**Johnny-Depp-Luv**: I'm glad you liked it! X) Here's the next chapter!

**AffectedMangoO**: DAHAHA. Your sarcasm stings the soul. xD I STILL LOVE YOU THOUGH. – Is saved from bleeding—even though she's killing herself from lack of sleep. - . Ow it hurts.

**Also, I would like to take the time out to thank Marna who went out of the way to show her support.** She sent me an e-mail with her review and then even instant messaged me! It was really cool and she was really fun to talk to! X) MARNA. I'M SORRY I FORGOT TO SEND IT IN AN E-MAIL. ;; BUT IT'S HERE NOW SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I'LL SEND IT NEXT TIME.

**ALSO, ALSO, ALSO, ALSO. I want to thank my good friend Lithiel (Lithianne on ) for showing her support in real time too.** She even wanted to host it on her website! Yatta! I shall be famous! X)) Haha, yah right, I wish.

And I want to thank all of the others who said thank you as well. THOUGH I LOVE REVIEWS. XO I like looking and seeing that I have lots of reviews—makes me feel better about writing this and encourages me. THIS ONE IS FOR YOU GUYS. I LOVE YOU ALL, ALL OF MY REVIEWERS!

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter never has, never will, and never would want to be owned by me. I wish I could say I was brilliant enough to write that ever wonderful series, but unfortunately, I'm not. ;0; BOOO!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado! I present you with:

* * *

**For You**

**Chapter 8:**_ Secrets Revealed Part II_

* * *

"You're a what?"

"A boy!" I grumbled, becoming slightly annoyed with his lack of understanding. I wasn't that drunk! "Didn' oo' 'ear me the firs' couple oof times I sed it?"

His mouth hung open, clearly in disbelief, and I grinned around a hiccup as I raised my own hips up into the air, wiggling them suggestively.

"Sa'matter? Don' fine me so attra...attras...pretty now, d'ya?"

His face was contorted in that anger I had been hoping for earlier, and I was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of drunken victory.

Gracelessly, I pushed myself up and over onto all fours, crawling towards Sirius with one hand extended, clutching at the front of his chest.

Getting no other reaction than the look of disgust that crossed his features, I grinned, leaning in so that our noses bumped pleasantly together.

Locking my eyes with his as best as I could without going cross-eyed, I dragged one of my hands up his thigh and to his face, cupping his cheek before tilting my head slightly to the side, speaking in a slurred whisper.

"Ca' got yer tongue?" I purred, licking across his lips before biting the bottom one, tugging it between my teeth before pressing closer, meshing our lips together.

I didn't know why I was doing it. I hated him, I didn't have homosexual preferences, and there was no motivation behind my sudden onslaught of affection – just a drunk, unjustifiable feeling that this was what I wanted and needed.

It took Sirius what felt like an age to realize what was happening, before he finally jerked away from the kiss.

Grasping my shoulders roughly, I was pushed backwards and pinned beneath his weight on the bed as his lips came back down on mine, crushing them with an angry vengeance.

I groaned, torn between a drunken pleasure and an instinctual disgust. I didn't know whether to surrender, even though I'd started this dangerous game, or run away.

Every logical section of my brain screamed at me to get away, rough touches to my stomach and chest triggering alarms in my muscles that only further encouraged me to escape, but my body betrayed me, as body's so often do, and I found myself begging for more, arching into his skilled hands. At the same time my hips rose from the fabricated sheets to grind against his.

The action drew a groan from him, and I tasted blood – a sudden stinging at my lips telling me he'd bitten through the flesh.

He drew back from me, pupils dilated with an unmistakable lust, the beauty of this expression marred slightly by a frown that refused to remove itself.

I stared, my own blood smeared messily across his lips and cheek like a watery lipstick, his breathing catching as his hands found the latch to my trousers and fumbled to undo them, succeeding and tugging them over my hips and down my thighs until they rested shapelessly at my ankles.

Slowly, those greedy blue eyes traveled from my own amber ones to my nose, lips, chin, chest...

_Don't look_, I thought urgently as his eyes reached my naval.

_No, no, no! Don't look!_

I was beginning to panic, trying to piece one logical thought together as tears gathered in my eyes. What had I started?

And then, before he could catch sight of that exposed, swelling flesh, I grasped at the back of his head, tangling my fingers in the hair there by dragging my fingers through the thick locks, twisting my hands slightly.

I tugged his mouth back to mine and licked at the blood there, tongue sweeping over his lips and cheek before plunging into depths that, until then, had been left unexplored.

Unable to search any further with prying eyes, he closed his mouth over mine, and continued the exploration of flesh with his hands, fingers dancing feather light but with a purpose over my chest and abdomen, making it convulse instantly in a natural reaction to tender flesh being teased.

Finally, those skilled digits brushed over my elongated flesh, and he froze.

Drawing away from the kiss, he looked down at me, eyes wide as they did a slow sweep over my body again.

_Don't look_, I cried mentally again, once more dragging his eyes back to mine, allowing Sirius's blue orbs to once again lock with my tear filled vision.

"Don't look." I finally choked.

He placed one hand gently on my cheek and leaned back in, his lips brushing momentarily over mine before he drew away and moved down my body, placing distracting kisses on every inch of flesh he could reach.

Finally, the kisses stopped, and I felt a tickle of breath sweep over my abdomen and tease the aching flesh I knew would be erect and begging for attention.

What happened next drew a hoarse cry from my swollen, bleeding mouth, the balls of my feet digging into the mattress of the bed as what was left of my sanity shattered, guiding my hips up sharply towards the greedy mouth ravaging me.

"Gods!" I shouted, grasping first at the pillows and sheets before tugging at his hair, willing him to work his tongue and mouth faster against my flesh.

He was so good at it!

Panting, I writhed with a wave of ecstasy, instinctively trying to raise my hips more, but one powerful arm caught me by the middle and held me steady.

"A-Almost..." I moaned, momentarily forgetting that I was supposed to hate this man. I couldn't deny something that felt so wonderful and perfect. "So close...!"

After a few more breathtakingly wonderful, pleasure and moan filled moments, I hissed out his name ("Sirius!"), and then something beautiful happened.

The world around me fragmented and shattered, leaving me laying in a sticky, sweaty mess in the middle of velvet sheets, lost in a blinding ecstasy that would probably take hours to overcome...

I was so lost, in fact, that I didn't hear the sound of quick footsteps, the slamming of a door, and my own voice sobbing uncontrollably.

* * *

Sirius leaned heavily against the double doors, heart racing as he tried to figure out exactly what in hell he had just done.

The bitter, salty taste in his mouth lingered, as though it were meant to remind him of what sin he'd just committed so willingly with his mouth.

"Fuck," he murmured, running a hand through the long ebony locks clinging to his face, sticky with sweat. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, **_FUCK_**."

The final shout freed from his mouth, Sirius pushed himself away from the wall, stalking down the corridor for the second time that day in a pathetic attempted to clear his rapidly changing thoughts.

He was halfway back to his room again when he saw the face he'd been wanting to maul earlier, the short black hair of the other standing on end and jutting out at odd angles as he turned a flushed face towards Sirius, mouth parted delicately with repetitive gasps for breath.

Before Sirius could say anything, James broke through his thoughts and practically tackled him as he spoke to him in a whisper. Urgent and fast.

"Voldemort and his army, milord," he choked out, grasping the collar of the others clothes to shake him. "They sent Pettigrew into town—they're just outside of the kingdom gates."

Ahh, yes. Pettigrew. Sirius knew the name of that traitor very well, and he'd been waiting a very long time for the chance to slip his own slender digits around the bastards pudgy throat and squeeze it until Peter no longer had any reason to breathe. Filthy rat.

Anger not forgotten, but calm collected, Sirius's face took on a serious look as he gave a curt nod.

"Gather the men and get into your armor, Potter. We wouldn't want to be rude and keep them waiting, now would we?" he cooed, turning his back on his fellow warrior as he moved back in the opposite direction, figuring he'd give James a little more time to gather the others. They were a rather large army, after all.

As if having second thoughts, however, he paused and turned around, grinning at James's back.

"Oh, and Potter?" he called softly, making the other pause and turn back to him expectantly. "Do it in private. I want to surprise them."

James looked as though Sirius's face had just mocked the reaper, and in a way it had. He was flirting with death, only minutes away from taunting and seducing it.

Setting a determined look to his already hardened features to hide the blood thirsty, malicious smirk on his face, Sirius turned and moved again.

Finally. He finally had a chance to get away from Remus.

* * *

**A/N**: Saa! Sorry it was so short again. X) BUT I GAVE YOU SOMETHING TO OOGLE, SO YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE ME. Ahh The powers of smut. THAT ONE WAS FOR ALL OF YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE MY INSPIRATION, YOU'RE MY ONLY TRUTH. I NEED YOU LIKE WATER, LIKE BREATH, LIKE RAIN! I NEED YOU LI-- I mean. X);; I love you guys.

I'm sorry it's so short again.

AND SORRY MY WRITING HAS BEEN SO CRAPPY LATELY OMFB. I HATE IT TOO.


	9. Bad Dreams

**A/N: **Saa! Sorry it took so long, my loves. X) THANKS, AS ALWAYS, TO MY SPECIAL BETA READER FOR RE-READING AND MAKING A CHAPTER OF FOR YOU BETTER THAN BEFORE. Which means a lot, and thanks to all of you for reading. X) If the quality is crap, it's because I wrote it at 4 in the morning, after reading some smutty, smutty Sirius x Regulus, Sesshoumaru x InuYasha, and some Draco x Ginny. =( I know. I'm a weird one. Anyways! IT'S TIME FOR AUTHOR REVIEW RESPONSE TIME. XOO ...has anybody else gotten addicted to RO lately..?

**Kawaii Thief Kitsune**: IT HAS BEEN THOUGH. XO - Hops around holding her leg and wincing. - And here you go. Over the effects. ;D - Takes pictures of her mental images for you. –

**johnny deep luv**: Don't cry! Here's the update! – TISSUES AND PAPERS! –

**HappyDappyDrunk**: I'm glad you liked it, and sorry, but the back to Remus thing won't be happening any time soon. ;x So evil am I. Keep reading, love!

**Dampilleta**: xD IT IS! That's why you were hesitating, wasn't it?! You were probably like, "Be nice, Dampilleta. Be nice..." xD Just kidding. Thank you, love. An authoress likes to hear when her work is appreciated. Much love! X)

**OpiateSummer**: ;xxx IT WAS ALL OUT OF LOVE. – Snickerfits. - But is it out of you head now, love? You're welcome and thank you, by the by. And omfb. STOP TALKING LIKE ME IT'S SCARY. xD They cloned me. – gasp. - And thank you for the favorites! ;0; I LOVE YOU.

**SiriusMoonPuppy**: omfb, I LOVE your name. And I'm glad you like it, btw. X) And, since it doesn't ever get explained, Remus was crying because he was scared. No, not a pansy little wimpy scared, because I don't have the cowering SUPER UKE! Remus. He was scared because he didn't know if it was right, and he didn't know why he was doing it. ;D AND DAA! THANK YOU FOR THE BLOODY BRILLIANT IDEA, MATE. I WAS RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS. Do you mind if I use it? ;o; Do you? - Nudge. - I'll give you credit!

**Happy Face Luvie**: ;xxxxxxxxx They had wild manbeast love.

**AffectedMangoO**: RROFL. Yatta! I'm glad you danced, because I was dancing while writing it! ;x At least, I would have been, if I hadn't been in a dress and sitting inside of a church, leaning against the while and writing while listening to some missionaries go on about how their missions were/are. =D I was just waiting to go home, man. – COUNTER SMOOCH - X) LOVE YOU! - Run. –

**Seika**: :O But I do like your reviews! I love them. And don't worry. X) You don't have to review every chapter. You don't even have to review at all! But it's appreciated and helps when you know your work is appreciated. xD I get excited by stories easily too. My sister even told me it was scary because I'd just randomly start laughing at something. And I want to read your story! There's a secret behind this one, actually. ;x AND ONLY COBALT KNOWS!

**{no longer muah}**: X)) Yatta! Somebody who compliment Colby! - Glomps. - And here, here. Here's the chapter. xD

**Birdy**: I'm glad you like it! xD Here's the next chapter, love. Keep reading!

**The Golden Shadow**: RROFLMFAO. Well now. Getting all possessive of you reviews, are we? xD Well. THIS RESPONSE IS PROPERTY OF PLUSHII. Aka Mandie. =D And I beg to differ because it is. O - PUNCH - =).... Here's the next chapter in apology for that. ;x

**decwmber jewel**: ;xxxxxxxxxxxx - waits to see if she catches the name thing. - ANYWAYS. THANK YOU. XO I LOVE YOU. Update! =D

**Emerald Tigriss**: ;X GLAD I COULD HELP. – Bounces. - And a physical? What for? :O Are you okay? ;o; DON'T DIE ON PLUSHII, OMFB. – Clings. - Love x8468463843684684684 ;D

**Vixen-Ra**: rrofl. I don't know if your name is intended for how I took it, but if it is, I love it, and it's brilliant, love. And thank you! I'm really super glad you like it! Here's the next chapter to cure your might be insanity! xD - Push over. - Much luv, muah!

**Lunaris**: DID HE SAY IT? AND IF SO, OMFB WHERE? O-O THAT WAS NOT INTENDED. Now, if it was when he was like, "I looked at Sirius and blah blah blah" it's because he's retelling the story. X) It didn't happen at that exact moment. MUCH LOVE, MUAH!

**cindered-hope**: xDD Indeed it was! I'm super glad you liked it, love! - Glomps. –

**GrimPadfoot**: Ahh.. =D I have AIM and Yahoo Messanger. Soo.. ;x yah. – glomp, run away. –

**Disclaimer**: =( Sorry, guys. I still don't own Harry Potter. Just this plot. =

AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE'S FOR YOU!

* * *

**For You**

**Chapter 9: **_Bad Dreams_

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I didn't know how or when I'd fallen to sleep, just that I woken to darkness and a numbing eerie silence. Rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand, I felt moisture. Had I been crying?

The events from earlier came back to me in a blur of mismatched images, each with a serious time gap between each. And then, in the last whooshing seconds of my distorted memories, it hit me.

I had been drunk.

I slept with Sirius.

Dropping my head into my hands, I shook it slowly, denial already trying to make excuses for my behavior. A small voice at the back of my head was going over false but logical explanations, its silent mantra one of 'it didn't happen, it didn't happen'.

_It was a dream, a bad dream. In fact, you were never drunk at all. You don't have the hangover headache, now do you?_

"No." I agreed aloud, getting to my feet. I didn't have the faintest hint of a headache and I also didn't have on any cloth—

WAIT. **_No clothes?!_**

A groan and my exposed form found itself back on the bed, head again finding shelter from reality in the none too reassuring grip of my hands, fingers gliding into my hair and over my scalp repeatedly.

"Damn it!" A hiss from my own mouth that sounded so foreign even to me that I jumped, shaken from my momentary stupor at the unexpected outburst.

I had never felt so disgusted with myself in all of my life. Not only had I just given my body over to somebody of the exact same gender, said person also being someone I loathed, but I couldn't bring myself to feel dirty or violated about it.

If I had been honest with myself, I would have admitted that it had felt right; that I had enjoyed it, but acceptance was pushed far back and smothered into the silence at the back of my mind, dismissed with the self-deceiving cover up that blamed it heavily on the alcohol.

Nobody was currently in the room to see me, for me to protect myself from or to openly deny what had really happened between Sirius and I. Nobody besides me. However, regardless of these undeniable revelations, I, in a last attempt to salvage whatever dignity I had left, pulled the silken covers over my lap and around my midriff, glaring defiantly at the wall.

"It was just a dream." I spat mutinously, as if daring the objects littering the room to question my perfectly logical conclusion.

Not even a cricket sang its repetitive, shrilly song in protest as all around me silence fell disapprovingly.

I grinned as I slowly got to my feet and moved around to find my discarded pants. The silence was proof. The honesty and truth died momentarily inside of me as my forced delusion basked silently in its glory.

It was final; I had won.

Sirius hadn't bothered to wake his captive as he silently tugged on his armor, nor did he wake him to say goodbye and explain the details as he left. It wasn't Remus's business anyway. One blissful moment didn't alternate any of the harsher facts of reality, nor did it change the fact that Remus was Sirius's captive.

Besides, he didn't exactly rank what they'd just done as anything to start getting flustered about. Nothing extreme had gone down, there had been no sex or body claiming, just his mouth rav—

"Stop it, Sirius," he growled to himself, prowling around the room to gather any other necessary items. "Now is not the time."

Deeming himself ready after ten more minutes of checking and rechecking to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything and his armor was on correctly, he moved to his captive's side, staring at him indecisively. A moment later and he resigned himself to leaning down, kissing the thief's forehead before straightening himself and moving for the door.

"I'll be back."

It was a silent promise, more to himself than anything, but it had been made, regardless of the ears it managed not to reach.

"Master Voldemort," Peter panted, catching up with his Lord as they moved towards the doors of the palace they were currently waiting to be acknowledged by. Regardless, they would invade the glorious kingdom of God and defile it, claiming it as their own along with the women.

"There's no sign of the archer's," he forced, out of breath from the long jog he'd just been submitted to.

"Very good, Pettigrew," Voldemort hissed, face screwing up to twist an already ugly complexion into a nasty smirk. "That will work in our favor."

Peter nodded his agreement nervously, fidgeting as he focused his eyes on the current target.

Brilliant golden carved doors impeded their entrance upon Heaven. It would take a lot to open those doors. It was unheard of for an outsider to have ever successfully snuck in without wings, and Peter was the only one among them still harboring his. This was because the consul had deemed Peter a prisoner of war, not a traitor, as the archangels knew him to be.

"I wonder, Peter. Did you inquire as to whether or not they were due back today or not?"

For a moment Peter stared dumbly at the other before shaking his head. He hadn't even thought of that.

A short, soft chuckle from Voldemort and his voice came out softly, artificially sweet.

"Of course not, Peter. That would have required you to think, wouldn't it?"

Leaving Peter to translate the words that'd just been spoken to him, Voldemort turned to face the endless sea of men behind them. They had been counting on only the royal army to be there, reasoning behind that being that they were weak and wingless as well, meaning the gates would have to be opened.

"Gentlemen, ladies," Voldemort didn't discriminate on anyone who joined his ranks, "it would appear our calculations were correct. The archangels still aren't back. Now it's only a matter of time and patience before those gates open. All we have to do is wait."

Upon his last word, a horrible cry came from the back of his ranks, sending the other into a rowdy cheer, but as the excitement died down, there came another shrewd scream, making all the others spin around to find who'd been making the disturbance.

A rush of whispered confusion ran throughout the crowd as they looked about for any victims or attackers, but none were found. And then, growing louder and louder by the moment, they heard it: The Song of the Archangels.

"_Born the Blessed Father's sons,_

_We bid ourselves his will be done._

_Our souls, our wings, are his to take_

_If we should die in this war's wake._

_Beware, you fools, the death bell's rung;_

_The battle for our God be won."_(1)

All eyes were turned heavenward to witness a cloud of black moving swiftly towards them, a sea of ebony wings beating on the air to keep at least a hundred bodies aloft, hovering.

Voldemort turned his eyes accusingly onto Peter and made to turn around, finding himself coming into contact with something solid.

A disgusted scowl as Voldemort turned his head up to see who it was, and then an all too familiar voice reached his ears in an airy, sing-song manner.

"Miss me much?"

Sirius Pollux Black had come out to play, and that never meant good things.

* * *

**A/N**: I know it's short again. ;0; FORGIVE ME. It's hard to write, or get inspiration to keep doing it. .

1: When I showed this to one of my friends, she didn't like it very much because it was a bit too religious for her likes. I just wanted to point out that this is for obvious reasons because they _are_ an army of God and they _are_ a breed of angels. Yes, I wrote that poem by myself, so it is mine, and I'll be very sad if people steal it from me. X(

Also, I don't know how long it'll take me to update again. School starts back up in a little less than two weeks, one of my best friends just had a baby, and I've got a lot of teenage drama I've been helping my friends with, and it's kind of affecting me. XO BUT I'M A SURVIVOR. So, I'm not quitting. ;x Just saying that it might take me a little longer than it usually does to make posts of new chapters. REGARDLESS, I LOVE YOU ALL, AND DON'T GIVE UP ON ME. I'm still here. And if you ever want to contact me, you can' Instant Message me on Hasunumaa or Krad Is The Sex, and all E-mails can be sent to h a s u n u m a a a o l . c o m

Just take away the spaces. ;x LOVE YOU ALL!

Mandie.


	10. Betrayal

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A/N**: MAN. Here's the next chapter, lovies. It's really hard to write when you're lacking inspiration. xD You all owe thanks to SiriusMoonPuppy for getting me motivated again—well, myself too. And you have Cobalt to thank for making it better. xD Colby also pointed out how Remus refers to Sirius as Sirius in narrative. I'll just say one more time, this is because Remus is retelling the story. xD SORRY IF THAT CONFUSES YOU. It's not happening in the current time, Remus is looking back on it. I've a weird writing style, I know, and I'll brush it up for you guys so you can understand it better. ;; I love you guys though! A lot of stuff has gone down, though. xD My friend just go deployed to Iraq, my brother was in a bad accident, my friend got thrown off her horse—they're all fine right now, but I'm worried about Mike. He's the one in Iraq. ANYWAYS! It's time for the Author review response time. – Grins. – AND THANKS FOR OVER 100 REVIEWS! 

**Cindered-hope** - YES. xD I wrote it by myself, and thank you! - Throws her hands up in the air and dances. - A Super!Seme Remus? xD Scary, but oddly sexy thought. ;x I'll keep that in mind, love.

**Kawaii Thief Kitsune** - Here's more! xD It wasn't very soon, but it's more. AND THE CHAPTER IS LONGER. DDD - Huggles and skidattles. –

**Person who left no pen name** – I'm glad you liked my poem! xD It took a whole five minutes to scribble down! I'd like to read your poems, though. Faeries are pretty.. . xD NOW SLAVE. I DEMAND THAT YOU READ AND REVIEW THIS CHAPTER. – Glomps. –

**HappyDappyDrunk** - Thank you! xD THERE'S NOT MUCH I CAN RESPOND TO ON YOURS. Here's the update! ;x Love you, love the read.

**Kungzoune** – Thank you for the compliment. ;0; AND SCHOOL IS HARD. I keep falling asleep in all of my classes. xD It's bloody brilliant, it is.

**Emerald Tigriss** - GOOD. – CLINGS TIGHTLY. - And thank you. xD That was one of my favorite parts too. ;x They're just so canon. Hugs and kisses x 58468469164

**once again muah** - xD You're the one with many names! - Snickers. - Thank you! I didn't try very hard to write it, I just scribbled it down. xD I thought it was kinda... Meh. Moving on. xD AND I'VE UPDATED. ( But not as soon as you'd have liked. I'm sorry. ;0;

**Dampilleta** - WELL. xD I can't write smut every chapter. Then I would be smutted out. ;x And Snape does. He just hasn't come in yet. – Snickerfits. - Enjoy the next chapter! - Glomps. –

**Happy Face Luvie** - Yes! xD That seems to be most everybody's favorite part! It was mine too. ;x AND YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR A REMUS REACTION. Hohoho.

**Vixen-Ra** - I'm glad you like it. xD Thank you for the compliments, too. I have a flare for dramatics because I'm a teenager. xD ;xx SO HERE'S YOUR UPDATE. I LOVE YOU. XO - RUN. –

**GrimPadfoot** - THIS CHAPTER IS LONGER! X) And I will Message you on Yahoo next time I get on. ;x hrt.

**Seika** - - GLOMPS. - I'm glad you liked the poem. xD But you'll have to wait for the secret to be revealed, just like everybody else. WELL. Two people know it, but I trust they'll keep it on the DL. ;) When you type up your story though, I'd love to read it! - Nods vigorously. - And I can wait, don't worry. xD How is the weather out in Costa? D And you can send each chapter to my e-mail! I'd love it. X) LOVE YOU.

**Lunaris** - ;x... Picky, picky, picky. But yes. I think that was actually a mistake neither me nor Cobalt caught. xD Thank you though! - Glomps. - And I'm glad you liked the poem. X))) - SKIDATTLE. –

**SiriusMoonPuppy** –You're welcome. xD - Prances around her. - THOUGH I CAN ANSWER ALL OF THIS TO YOU ON IM. And I probably already have. And yes, it's Hasunuma as in Ghost!. xD Because he's such a manbeast.

**AffectedMangoO** - It's okay! School is evil! And I'm sorry for the delays. ;; I'm losing my inspiration train. – Glomps. - But here's another chapter!

**GurVicious** - THANK YOU SO SO SO SOS OSOSOSOOSOS MUCH. ;0; - GLOMPS. - I love you! Yaaayyy! Here's another chapter! - Runs. –

**

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**

**WARNING, ALL READERS PLEASE READ**: I've put a few controversial things into this chapter, so if you don't like them, skip over them, or don't read. This is your fair warning. There's implied James x Peter, implied underage sex, and implied incest. If these offend you, I repeat, do NOT read this chapter. X) Much love! Xoxoxoxo. – Kiss, run. –

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter remains under the copyright of J.K. Rowling's brilliant hand and mind. Therefore, I own nothing in this story except a lousy poem and the storyline. Much love! Muah!

* * *

**For You**

**Chapter 10:** Betrayal

* * *

I moved quickly from the room that felt more like a cage to me than anything. I needed to see Lily, to ask her what had happened earlier – what had happened when we'd been drunk—if she even remembered anything.

I'd been sure only moments before that the lies I had fed myself had been true, but as I got closer and closer to my desired destination, my confidence tumbled and faltered. I wasn't sure I would want to hear Lily's recollection at all. I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

I found myself standing completely still in the middle of a deserted hall, watching the floor as though I was afraid that at any moment it would shift and change, crumbling away under my feet to swallow me whole.

"Remus?" came the distinctly female voice from behind me, cooingly soft silk-like threads. I didn't respond, and so again, only louder this time, Lily called my name again, but I didn't want to turn around, I didn't want to meet Lily's eyes, because I knew the look on her face would only prove to me that there was something wrong.

Then she would ask me what was wrong, and I would watch as disgust flitted across her features, listen as names were called because of a feeling of betrayal.

She would tell me that I was a fool, call me crazy because I didn't even know Sirius, not a single thing about him, and as she would be right, I would suffer another defeat of a different kind.

And then it hit me as I turned, kicking up dust from the ground with small shuffles until I stopped, fully facing the fiery red-head in front of me. There was only one person I could ask and trust to know a ton of stuff about Sirius: Lily.

"Lily," I whispered, even as she moved forward to embrace me – something that I could not return. "Tell me all you know about Pollux."

Hesitantly, Lily drew away from me, looking at me in confusion, as she held tight to my upper arms. She looked as though she kept rewinding what I'd said and then hitting play over and over again, to make sure she'd heard me correctly.

"About... Who?"

"Pollux," I replied softly, grabbing her by the elbows and drawing her arms away from mine, after they'd tightened still more. Lily was a girl, but seeing as how she'd been an archangel, she was by no means weak.

"Well, I know that he—why?"

She was confused by my question, I could tell. Why did I want to know about the enemy? Because I shared something with him now. Why did I care? Because my heart was racing and I couldn't get a logical reason to my own confusion.

"I want to know more about my captive," I drawled carefully, giving off an air of indifference to hide my own insecurities. "You know, his weaknesses and things."

"Oh," Lily said, failing to hide her relief from me as she lowered herself from her where she had been standing on tiptoe. "Well then! I'll tell you all I know!"

Grabbing my hand tightly, she dragged me down the corridor until we reached her room, where she tugged me inside and over to her bed to sit down.

Turning, she pulled her legs up underneath herself and turned to face me, smiling.

"Well, I don't' know that much about him, really, only a little. Sirius didn't really talk to us very much about his life, you know."

I froze. She had just said Sirius, hadn't she? But no. He couldn't be the same man I'd heard endless horrific tales about, of his strength, ruthlessness, scornful manner. No. It couldn't be the same man.

"Err... Lils," I said, turning my gaze towards her, so that she could see my confusion plainly without me having to state it. "Not to be rude, but I want to know about Pollux, not Sirius."

The look on Lily's face relieved me, because she in turn looked confused now. I thought she'd just made a genuine mistake—until she started laughing.

"No, no," she breathed after regaining a little bit of her composure back. "His name is Lord Sirius Pollux Black. Pollux is his middle name, the one he gives everybody."

I stared at her, opening my mouth to ask a long, detailed question, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was a dumbfounded, "Why?"

Lily's eyes lost their mirthful humor as she took on an almost sympathetic tone, hands fidgeting at the small, multiple ties on her nightgown.

"A name is a very powerful thing, Rem. Besides, would you want people to know your name if you were so feared that others cringed just from the mention of it?" She reached out a hand and tugged lightly on a few locks of my hair. "Being an archangel is a sacrifice, you know. We're not as respected as one might think. A lot of people are disgusted by us, and loathe us. But don't get me wrong. We have our supporters."

I nodded my mute understanding, turning away from her slightly.

"Well, what about his family then?"

"Mm..." she touched her fingers to her chin, tapping lightly as she thought. "I know he has a brother. Not too sure of his name, but I know Sirius hates him because he's only his half brother. His Mum kind of ran out on his Dad after having him, because she said he was cursed, or something, then she had the git's brother and began to act as though Sirius didn't even exist."

"Oh..." _Well_, I thought, suddenly feeling guilty about learning the horrible things from Sirius's past from anybody else, _at least that explained a couple things about his rotten reputation and personality._

"I'm err... Kind of hungry," I sputtered lamely, getting to my feet – feeling worse than before and just wanting to get away from Lily. "I'll see you later, then."

"That's all?" She looked confused as she, too, rose to her feet, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder, which I instantly brushed off and instantly felt even guiltier for.

"Yeah, thanks Lils."

I didn't give her any time to respond. Instead, I took three large strides to her door, pulled it open, and fled down the hall towards any place where I could be alone.

I really needed to think.

I came to pause in a library that was filled with endless rows of shelves, and I instantly found myself relaxing. I might have been a thief, but I wasn't a stupid one. Books were my passion.

Without thinking, I began to walk between the rows, fingering the spines of the books until I came across and odd, out of place one that caught my eye.

Pulling it down, I opened it and flipped through it, seeing pictures and words scattered on the pages.

It was a journal. It was Sirius's journal.

Finding a page, I turned towards one of the tables, taking a seat as I settled in for a long read.

* * *

James turned his head left and right, eyes squinting as he struggled to see through the cloud of dust picking up about him.

He could hear angry cries of battle all around him, but as to where the owners of the voices were, he didn't know.

Blood. He could feel it running down his back and over his brow, gliding slowly to drip on the tainted dirt beneath his feet.

"Arthur!" he wheezed, looking for his usual companion in a daze, stumbling as he moved forward. "Arthur, where are you?"

There was no answer, and James pushed himself further, sword dragging behind him in the dirt.

"Sirius!" Slowly, all around him, the noise was beginning to silence, so that the sudden sound fo clumsy footsteps behind him made him jump.

Halting, James calculated the speed in the steps, struggling with his scattered thoughts to make a logical conclusion, and when one had been reached, James swung around.

It was almost too fast to see as a knife came down at him, slashing his shoulder before he could catch the attacker's wrist and keep him still.

"Peter," he breathed as he looked down into the wild, watery eyes of his friend turned traitor.

"J-James!" the tiny man squeaked, dropping his weapon as he struggled to pull away. "I didn't know it was you!"

Blinking away his haziness, James shoved Peter to the ground with disgust, looking him over as though he were some persistent rat.

"I'm sure, you shameless piece of scum. Filthy back stabbing traitor!" Drawing his foot back, James let it go with a furious force into Peter's side, grinning with a sadistic sense of pleasure at the hiss of pain it drew from the other man.

But Peter would no admit defeat so readily. Scrambling to his feet, he danced out of James's reach; scowl overtaking the usually twitchy features as he retrieved his knife.

Wormtail had always given off the impression that he would be easy to beat down, to dominate and twist to your will, but the soldier was smarter than that. To back down was to admit defeat, and even cowards had their pride.

"We're both fighting for what we believe, James. If that makes me a traitor, then I guess I am, but I was from the beginning!"

"It touches me to know that you actually have a brain," James taunted, swinging his own sword forward a bit so that he could catch the hilt with both hands. "But we both know you're just flattering yourself with that deceiving lie. You thought Voldemort was stronger, could offer you power, and that was why you betrayed us—betrayed **_me_**!"

Peter jumped out of the reach of James's blade as it flashed forwards, biting the air in hope of slicing skin and tasting blood, but to no avail.

"You betrayed me and the rest of us first, James!" Peter hissed, lunging an attack aimed for James's stomach and missing. "You knew Lily was a girl, you started looking at her. **_You_** lost your interest in **me**!"

"I told you from the beginning that it was just a fling, Peter! I told you not to fall in love with me!"

A powerful swing at Pettigrew's head and a narrow miss.

"How could I not when you were always declaring yours for me?" They both stopped their movements, eyes settling upon each other with a fierce insecurity on the topic they were pursuing, but Peter continued anyway. "_You_ are the filthy liar, James, for being able to look somebody in the eye and tell them you love them when you didn't even mean it!"

"I did love you, Peter," James groaned, slumping slightly. "I still do, but Peter—what we had was **wrong**!"

"That," Peter growled, raising his weapon up threateningly again. "Is why I'm on Voldemort's side, fighting for what I believe in; so that I can love who I want, regardless of their gender. I'm sorry you were so ashamed to love me, James, but I'm not ashamed for loving you, and I never will be."

"Peter, I--"

Peter shook his head, scowling venomously at James as he held his weapon up a second longer before there was a horrible, battle torn call that the two could tell had come from one of the leaders.

Nodding their understanding that this would continue later, they both started in the direction of the noise.

James, however, never made it.

The dizziness from earlier had finally caught up with him, and with the world spinning, he collapsed.

_

* * *

_

_September 13_

_I met Regulus today. Mother reckoned that she didn't know who I was. She told Regulus that we weren't related at all. He looked just as lost and confused as I'm sure I did._

_He was adorable, my baby brother. I know that when he gets older and turns into a man, girls will be lining up just to hold his hand, or bat their lashes at him in hopes of being noticed. They probably are already._

_I tried to talk to him, but when I did, that bitch pulled him away and screamed something about me trying to give him my curse._

_Am I cursed?_

_Father didn't stop her or say anything, either. I think he hates me too. But maybe Regulus will like me, if mother lets him try._

_I just hope he has a better life with her than what I had. The only things I could remember of her was screaming and hitting and my father watching from the shadows._

_Regulus doesn't look like he gets hurt, though. I just don't think he understands. Not like I do, at least. He's three years younger than me, after all._

_Father just walked in and told me I was wasting my time by writing in this journal. He took my candle too. I guess that means goodnight then, so..._

_Goodnight._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

_September 19_

_Regulus and I have been talking privately lately. I was wrong, too. Regulus is two years younger than me. He's thirteen and I'm fifteen._

_I'm supposed to meet up with him today. We're both really nervous that we'll get caught. I don't think we will, but father has told me numerous times that I "stand out like a sore thumb" because of my black wings. I hate my wings. They make me different. Father won't talk to me about them, either. All he tells me is to deal with it, and he gets so angry, as though it's my fault._

_It's not, you know. I was born this way._

_Anyways, it's time for me to go and meet Regulus._

_Goodbye._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

_September 26_

_The past week with Regulus has been awesome! We get along so well, it's amazing! You can definitely tell we're brothers, though, even if our personalities _are_ opposites._

_I'm a leader, he a follower, and he's really gullible too! I **love** picking on him. It's so cute, watching him blush. He's so delicate that I'm almost afraid that I'll break him._

_But he's got one hell of a devious streak._

_Here's a fun fact for you: Mother tries so hard to act like I don't exist, yet Regulus's name is Regulus Castor Black._

_Yeah, that bitch remarried another Black. And not only that, but she gave Reg a middle name to match mine. Pollux and Castor? Yeah, Mum. Name us both after the Gemini twins with dog-like first names and the same last name to go with it._

_She's such an odd little woman. She makes me laugh. A lot. And that's not in a good way, either. She's absolutely insane._

_Anyways, Regulus called me out again today._

_Goodbye._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

_October 1_

_Today an official looking angel came to the door and told me that in thirty days (my sixteenth birthday), I would be taken away from home. Where are they taking me, though? Father got angry and told them to get out. Father's always angry, but I've never seen him cry._

_Today he cried._

_What's going on, though? When I told Reg what happened, he got all pale and just hugged me really tight. Why is everybody so worried? What do they all know that I don't? And why won't they tell me?_

_I'm scared._

_Is it because of my wings? I've never seen anybody else with black wings before. Do they want to conduct experiments on me? To see how much of a freak I really am? It's not fair!_

_Why do I have to be so different?_

_God obviously hates me, but I'm still made to respect him. What's so respectable about a guy I've never met or seen?_

_Well, Reg's here._

_Goodbye._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

_October 10_

_I found it out. I'm something they call an "archangel". They're warriors of sorts, and it's very rare for them to be born. They're like, the best of the best of the best._

_I've never seen one before, either. Though, I guess I do every time I look in the mirror, don't I? I don't want to be a warrior. I don't want to hurt people like they've hurt me and not have a choice about it. I just want to be myself._

_I started crying today in front of Regulus. He didn't say anything, just held his arms around me tightly, holding me until I was myself again._

_And then he kissed me._

_It was wonderful. My stomach was full of butterflies, and I felt so good. For a moment, nothing else mattered. The world around me was washed away._

_And when he drew back, threatening to let reality back in, I pulled him in for another kiss. It was only lip-to-lip but honestly, it was perfect that way._

_Am I falling in love with my own brother?_

_Sirius Pollux Black_

_October 15_

_Regulus and I keep getting closer and closer. He's making me lose my fear of the inevitable – with each kiss he erases my mind._

_Yesterday though, we took it a tiny bit further._

_I'd said the kissing on lips was perfect, and I wasn't wrong, but today we kissed with our mouths open and tasting each other. It was pure bliss._

_My heart leapt up into my chest and I had to hold him tighter, to never let him go because I suddenly realized exactly how much he meant to me._

_I would do anything for him – even die. Is that wrong of me?_

_I love him, you know._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

_October 26_

_Only five more days until they take me away for training. I'm really scared. I don't want to go. I'd rather stay with Regulus._

_He was crying today, and I didn't know what to do. He looked so... helpless._

_Gods I love him. So much._

_He's waiting for me, so I have to go now._

_  
Goodbye._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

_October 31_

"_Happy Birthday, dear Sirius."_

_Ha ha. Yeah right. I'm waiting for those bastards to come back and take me away. I feel so selfish. I hate myself right now._

_Regulus hasn't talked to me for two days now, either. That's my fault._

_Regulus and I lost our virginity to each other on the 29th. It was wonderful, the best feeling I ever had. I can tell you now the true definition of Utopia. It's not here; it's not anywhere, really. It's not even tangible._

_Everything was going so good, too! Until he told me that he loved me._

_It was like my world shattered. I always thought I would be so happy to hear him say it, but it was my first time hearing that four-lettered word directed towards me, and it scared me._

_I love him. I love him with everything I am, but I don't want him to love me. Regulus can't. It's not allowed._

_Please stop loving me so much, Regulus. It hurts to turn you down because... because..._

_Because I love you too._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

**

* * *

**

**A/N**: D! I MADE IT LONGER THIS TIME. PRAISE ME!!!! AND SPECIAL THANKS 100xINFINITY TO COBALT. XO


	11. Battles Won

**A/N**: Haha! Crazy week! My friend Tony showed up in class on Monday with my notebook! SO THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO TONY, BECAUSE HE FOUND IT. Thank GOD for him! - Nods. - It's also dedicated to all of you readers too. Because I LOOOOOVE you! xD Anyways, I was gone all weekend with my best friend because her Aunt got married, and at the wedding reception, these totally drunk gay guys kept TOUCHING MY CHEST. I was like, "BY THE GODS. XO" and I was so scared I almost started crying. I mean, the guy was 28, and my best friend managed to get out of their reach before they could touch her. I've never been so scared before. xo GAY GUYS ARE SCARY WHEN THEY'RE DRUNK. Oh! And I went to the Yellowcard concert! They disappointed me a little, because they're voting for Kerry and I'm all kinds of for Bush ( don't hate me! ), but I still rocked on! xD And I love them! Just because they're opinionated, it doesn't mean that they should be disliked. That's like people hating me because I support Bush. :o It doesn't define me as a person exactly. ANYWAYS. ENOUGH ABOUT THAT! AUTHOR REVIEW RESPONSE TIME! AND THE REAL 11TH CHAPTER! HURRAH.

**HappyDappyDrunk**: xD I'm sorry. I just.. I'm a twisted person. ;x You know, about the whole incest thing. It just helps to move the story on a little too. Also! Thank you so, so, so much for the support when I thought I'd lost my notebook! It really, really meant a lot to me! I love you! - Glomps. –

**Kawaii Thief Kitsune**: Here's more! Sorry it wasn't sooner. X) And more young Sirius! Yaaaayyy! Though, I dunno if you'll like it. ;x Though, Colby told me it was her favorite chapter that I've written so far. And thank you for the support when I thought I lost my notebook! xD It really did mean a lot to me. – Glompage. –

**Dampilleta**: xD Sorry! I have two brothers AND a sister. Seeing it IRL makes me cringe and is kinda creepy to me, but seeing it in stories and stuff interests me for some reason. Xo I'm a weird person, aren't I? xD And don't worry, I don't have any plans in my twisted little mind to make a Lupin x Snape. EVER. Xo Okay, so.. Here's the update! Enjoy!

**SiriusMoonPuppy**: Hallo, Jackie love! xD THANK YOU FOR TOLERATING ME WHILE I COMPLAINED TO YOU AND MADE YOU LOOK AT PICTURES AND ALL THE OTHER HORRIBLE STUFF I'VE DONE. I hope you still love me! - Glompage! - And the journal does play a role.. ;x If everything works out like I plan. Dohohoho And yes. ;.; Pity my Peter. He's pathetic. – Pets him. - And I couldn't leave him out of the story, either. DOOHOHOH. But for the rest of the stuff—You'll just have to wait. ;x Neener, neener, neeeeeeener.

**Emerald Tigriss**: TOO LAZY TO SIGN IN? xD You bum! You made me think of me, when I stay home from school. I just laze around in my pajamas all day and don't put on clothes. Bad comparison, huh? Anyways! ;xx I thought it was hott too. – Nudge, nudge. - And yah, I'm a bit weird, so I dig the Siri x Regulus thing. ;x AND THANK YOU FOR THE PRAISE! - Bows! - LOVE AND HUGS x 69846469351613813843548 ;x

**Cindered-hope**: ;xxxx Yes, he does love him indeed. And I'm sorry. xD I got a lot of negative-ish responses kinda about the Sirius x Regulus thing. I mean, they weren't bad. :o Just letting me know like, "That's not really my thing, but hey!" xD BUT IT MOVES THE STORY ALONG, TRUST ME. That and I'm just a freak. But aren't most writers? And DAHAHA. ;x You're going to hate the end of this chapter. – Cackles. - Oh! And thank you SO much for the support when I thought my notebook was lost. It really meant a lot to me, put me back up on my feet. I love you so much, you have no idea! - Glomps. - Only, I don't love you in a stalker-ish manner. xD

**was muah and is not permanently Shannon**: Hallo Shannon! xD I'm waiting to see if you're really keeping this, or changing it again. It's fun. ;x - Takes the chocolate. - Thank you so much! xD AND HERE'S THE NEXT CHAPTER!!11!oneone!!1

**Gurvicious**: Gabby, mah love! - Attaches herself onto. - xD I take it you didn't like my lover quarrels twist thing OF DOOM. Dun dun duuuun. xD And I'm glad I can be one of your favorites! ;0; I love you so much! AND HERE'S MORE! xD - Offers! - FOR YOU! (ahaha pun on the fic's name intended ). xD From your Dedicated but Lazy Authoress with a School making her life Miserable, Mandie. xD

**Lunaris**: !! - Explodes from the praise. - xD Thank you so much! RRROFL. I KNOW. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHAT FICTION DOES TO YOU. Look what it made me write! xD Love you! Keep reading! - Loves. –

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**SHYDIVA3**: I'm glad you liked it! And sorry about the grammical errors! - Hides her face. - I try hard, I really do! That's why I have a beta reader! xD Because I'm okay with spelling and stuff, but I'm not super human. – Huggles. - Keep reading, please!

**Goddess of Darkness3**: Thank you! I'm glad you like it! Here! MORE! - GLOMPAGE. –

**Blank person with no ID to call you by!**: xD Thank you for the support! It means a lot! I love you!

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**FallenAngel0104**: I'm really glad you like it! Thank you so much for reading! Here's the next chapter!

**Icy Flame**: Yep. ;x I'm a Mormon. – POSE! - Us Mormons must stick together! xD - Clings. - Thank you for reading! It means a lot! xD I'm glad you like it. It's always nice to know when your work is appreciated. ;x Here's more! - Glomps back. - Byee!

* * *

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter is still not mine. Thank God.

* * *

**For You**

**Chapter 11**: _Battles Won_

* * *

Sirius had been in love with his brother? But Lily had said he hated him. Was this secret one of many, or simply an isolated incident?

Slumping in my seat, I brought my hand to the bridge of my nose and squeezed, eyes closed tightly as I willed myself to breathe.

"Think, Remus," I told myself, dropping my hand and looking back down at the journal. "Just think."

Bringing the leather bound book back to eye level I flipped the pages over to the next part and continued to read.

* * *

"Master Black!"

It was all Sirius could hear as he moved out of the range of another blow by one of Voldemort's finest soldiers and their very own spying archangel, Severus Snape.

To all the others, it looked like an onslaught of tireless attacks, but as Sirius and Severus fought, they passed off information to each other through the code of insults. Despite the fact that Sirius and Severus really _did_ want to kill each other, they knew that their personal disagreements must be laid to rest on the battlefield.

Severus, tapping his own sword against Sirius's twice to tell him that was all he knew and that it was time to end the show charged forward, bracing himself for the pain he knew was going to come.

Catching Severus around the middle with his knee, Sirius grabbed one of the man's shoulders as he brought the hilt of his sword down on the back of his warrior's head.

It was an instant black out for the man, made obvious by the way his body slumped and then fell forwards into the dirt, sprawling limply.

Feigning a cold glare at Snape, Sirius picked up his sword again and rushed forward through the crowd, barely stopping for man or woman as he forced his way through towards the one he wanted to kill the most—Voldemort.

* * *

_**November 1**_

_We finally made it to the camp. I got beaten already because I refused to eat. I'm bleeding all over this parchment, and my bed, and they won't let me go see a doctor about it._

_I was scared._

_I wish that Regulus were here, that I'd at least go the chance to say goodbye._

_I miss him, you know._

_I wish I could have told him goodbye. I think I'd rather even be at "home" now than here._

_Lights out._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

_**April 7**_

_I've been in this hellhole for six months and I've still got two more to go. These fuckers think they can hold me down, and they can't. (1)_

_I killed my superior officer. They had me put in lock down for a week, but nobody missed the asshole. Fucking rapist._

_The first fifteen times I couldn't stop him, but then they trained me to be lethal, a wolf, and the bastard became my prey. I ripped him to shreds, sliced his throat out, beat him. He wasn't even recognizable by the time I was done._

_Fucker got what he deserved._

_Everybody is scared of me now. Good. I don't need fake friends anyway._

_The people here make me sick. They fetch girls from the streets and force themselves on them; they bring in the female archangels and torture them. We're not even taught to distinguish between woman, child, and man. We're simply warriors made to fight, not pity or love or care._

_I've seen a lot of men break down too. Cry for their mothers and fathers, or just lose all animation totally. It's like their soul has died._

_Well, they're promoting in ten minutes._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

_**April 7(still)**_

_Battalion commander._

_Why the fuck that rank? I've done nothing for the betterment of anybody. I'm not a babysitter. It's harder to work in groups, and I really, REALLY hate fighting._

_It's stupid._

_And now I have to lead a bunch of these dimwitted morons in the art of fighting. Oh well. We'll see how it goes._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

_**June 2**_

_Graduation!_

_I graduated top of my class. Most distinguished too. I don't see why, but what the hell ever. It's not like it matters. They hold a feast for the most distinguished, but they invite family. Nobody will come. The only person at my graduation was Dad, and he didn't even wait to congratulate me. As soon as the ceremony was over, he was gone._

_But it doesn't matter, because I hadn't even expected to see him there. I guess I should be happy that he even did that, right? Right._

_Well, the bus just arrived in town. Welcome home parade and then home. Joy._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

* * *

**Flashback, Sirius POV**

Stepping off the bus, I took a deep breath, filling my lungs back up with fresh air for the first time in a long while. It felt so good to be home, but none of this showed on my face. I was a soldier now, stoic and immune to the cruelties I knew lingered about me like a ghost. Silent, but there; always there.

Before the parade, our first stop was Main Town Square, where we would meet up with our families. Instead of looking around frantically and rushing into any waiting arms, I moved towards the center and took a seat upon the ledge of the fountain that rested there, spewing water.

I took to dipping my fingers in the clear, cold liquid, watching as it rippled and molded to the tips of my fingers before drawing them out again. It was amusing. I could have done it for days, but a shrilly voice ripped my attention away in an instant. I'd know that voice anywhere.

"Sirius! My _baby_!" the woman coddled, pulling me into a tight embrace. I almost gagged.

"Mother," I growled, grabbing her by the shoulders to force her away from myself. "What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

She didn't seem fazed as she grabbed my hand between her palms and patted it between her frail hands. "There, there, honey. Welcome home."

I was opening my mouth to retort when I saw him. Involuntarily, I gave a small whimper that my Mother heard, and automatically, she swung around to see what the problem was.

"Ohh!" she said in such an artificially sweet voice that my stomach churned. "Sirius, this is your brother, Regulus."

I watched her as she hurried behind me and pushed Regulus towards me. The rest of the world didn't matter then. All I saw was him. He was all that mattered, and before I knew what was happening, I felt his body pressed to mine, and he was sobbing.

"Sirius... Sirius I missed you so much!"

**END SIRIUS POV**

* * *

_**June 4**_

_He's dead. I can't believe it, but he's dead. Everything seems so surreal. The world's going by in slow motion, I can't hear, I can't feel, I can't think. Regulus said he'd joined a group. The Death Eaters. Why? We've been fighting them for years! But he did it. He betrayed me, and now he's dead._

_He tried to back out, for me, but this... Voldemort had him killed. I'll murder him myself. I swear that I will. He took him away from me again..._

_I just want him back. Somebody – God – anybody! Can you please give him back? Give him back..._

_Sirius Pollux Black_

* * *

"You killed my brother!" Sirius bellowed from where he stood within three feet of the ugly, twisted face he wanted to mangle more now than ever.

Voldemort froze, glued to the spot before a delighted grin flickered across his face and he spun around to face the leader of the Arches. He moved like fluid, almost as though he were floating and it added to his already eerie appearance, making him seem more ominous.

"I don't recall who your brother was. Must not have been too important, now was he?"

Sirius's lips curled. Over time, he'd managed to convince himself that Regulus had disgusted him, that the affair he'd harbored with his younger sibling was just so he could manipulate the other young man, bend him to his will. But still, he wouldn't let anybody degrade him.

"I'm not offended. You won't be in a condition to consider anything 'important' in a minute."

"You sound so sure of yourself, Black..." Voldemort grinned, drawing himself up to his full height before the other.

"I am."

Voldemort threw his head back and laughed, holding tight to his middle before looking back at Sirius, licking his lips as he nodded his head once.

"Then, Mr. Sirius Black, don't let me keep you from losing any longer."

And Voldemort raised his sword, half laughing.

Sparks flew from both blades, caused by the force of their meeting. Steel made an all too familiar ringing sound, screaming as it pressed against its material match. The only thing that could determine the outcome of the battle now was sheer skill and the wielder's strength.

"Not bad for a young one'," Voldemort cooed, unfazed by the unnatural strength exerted by his opponent. He'd been fighting battles for years.

"I could say the same for you, but I'm not one to give compliments," Sirius growled as the steel of his blade shrieked when it was dragged down the length of Voldemort's and then pulled away.

Voldemort parried with another blow, smiling gleefully as Sirius used both his hands to ward off his own bloodthirsty blade. An opening, Voldemort saw it, and raised his leg, thrusting it out with tremendous force so that Sirius stumbled back.

Sirius hit the floor sprawling on his back, barely having enough time to roll out of the way of some strikes Voldemort was furiously aiming at him.

"Give it another sixteen years, Black! Maybe you'll be man enough to take me on then."

"I don't need sixteen years more years of combat to know how to crush the head of a pestering snake, _Riddle_."

His name. It was something few knew, and Sirius knew how much the acquired knowledge could piss the other off.

Instantly, Voldemort's eyes darkened and he gave a furious cry, lunging towards Sirius. It was what he'd been waiting for.

Pulling his own legs up so that his thighs rested against his own chest, Sirius caught Voldemort around the middle with the bottom of his feet, kicking out so that the other was sent flying backwards and away from him.

The archangel seized the opportunity and scrambled back to his feet, kicking his own sword up and into his hands again. Slowly, he stalked towards Voldemort, grin on his face showing no room for mercy as he made his way across the small patch of field separating them.

Voldemort was scrambling about, trying to find the weapon he'd lost when he'd fallen. The fall of a shadow made him tilt his head up. Eyes followed the trail of a tall body wrapped in black, ebony wings spread wide from either side of his back. Hair flew freely in the breeze, strands being pushed to the right as he stood, mouth hidden beneath a huge overlapping pile of black cloth at his neck. Both arms were raised high above own head, hands clutching tightly at the hilt of his sword that was poised to come down on him and rip through flesh. He looked, in that moment, a true Angel of Death, but something was wrong. His eyes weren't focused on his target.

Nimble fingers touched the jagged hilt of a sword long since forgotten, and Voldemort smirked, drawing the object of war slowly back into his hands.

"James?" Sirius whispered, watching as his best friend collapsed to the ground, bleeding.

Distantly, Sirius heard the sound of flesh tearing, and then he felt a sudden sharp pain in his abdomen. Leaning forward on the cold steel, Sirius coughed up blood, watching it fall from his mouth to the floor and splatter, tainting the ground beneath.

Slowly, Sirius dropped his eyes to the sword, eyes wide with shock as the reality of it came to him:

He'd been fully impaled.

The world came back in a sudden rush of sound and he found himself pushing on the sword, removing it inch by inch from his body. He could actually feel the cool metal against his innards as it was removed, and then he was swinging blindly, vaguely aware of himself being pulled into the air, hearing his own screams as he told fellow comrades to leave him alone. Then there was a horrible manic laughter as Voldemort realized he'd won the battle.

But he hadn't won the war.

* * *

**A/N**: 1. Sirius was cussing up a storm because I've seen this happen. My brother went into the military and came back cussing like a sailor. Then again, he _was_ a sailor. Go Navy! Woo!

Please don't hate me! xD


	12. REVIEW

Sdkljfasdf THIS IS SO YOU GUYS CAN REVIEW. – BAKA -


	13. The Hand That Never Held Back

**A/N**: I wrote most of this when I was out in Colorado visiting my Grandparents. xD I edited it severely from what I had written in the notebook to what I put down here. And then, of course, Colby made it 8468913894384 times better. xD So, recently I got into this band called "My Chemical Romance" and they sing this song called "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)". NOW. ALL OF YOU GO WATCH THE MUSIC VIDEO. THE LEAD SINGER TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE SIRIUS. AND THEIR OUTFITS SCRRREAM HOGWARTS. – Clears her throat. - Anyways. xD They're a really awesome band, too. Go listen. X) - Shove, shove. - And sorry this took me so long to get out. I had it done for a couple days and I forgot to type it up and send it off to Colby. x ANYWAYS. xD Sorry it took so long! I love you! And now, time for.. – POSE. - AUTHOR REVIEW RESPONSE TIME.

**SiriusMoonPuppy **- FU FU KACHOO. I stole that. xD Well, now you get to find out what happened to James, etc. ;x Love you lots.

**HappyDappyDrunk** - I could never hate you, either! xD And thank you! I'm glad you liked it. – Glomps and runs. –

**Kawaii Thief Kitsune** - I'm confused all of the time! xD Here's more of the story, so.. ;x YOU CAN "WOOT" SOME MORE. Yaaaayyy! And that's awesome. ;; Favorite list, HERE I COME.

**Lunaris** – xDDD Well, read this chapter. It'll determine whether or not you hate me. And uh.. D THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENT I LOVE YOU. – Glomps and runs. –

**Emerald Tigriss** – xD Yep. Go NAVY BOYS And you logged in for me, omg. – Smothers in hearts. - xD AND YAY. You're awesomeness in.. uh.. o You're just awesome, omg. xD - Goes on American Idol now. - Much love x 684689468468946468468468468435468136843843684384384384 Because I know you missed me. 3 ;x

**Cindered-hope** - !!!! They're onto me. xDD AND I LOVE YOU AGAIN. James is awesome, though. Admit it. He's a MANBEAST, and you want to make DINNER OUT OF HIM. xDD And I don't have to answer the LJ thing, since we're already buddies on there now. xD MUCH LOVE BACK TO YOU FROM ME AND PROBABLY TONY. Though, you know, I doubt it from Tony. He's a little scary. xD

**ArtemisFlame** – Sankyuu! And yes, Bush is the sex. xD I'm glad you like my fic! - Counter glomp. - And I was planning on giving Severus more fame, but we'll see how that works out, ne? xD Much love!

**Shannon** – OMG CHOCOLATE. – Devours. - Mm.. omg.. xo AND I WISH THEY WERE LONGER TOO. – Sobs. - But, oh well. xD Much love! - Glomps. –

**Seika** – Hey you again! And no. :o I've heard of Dances with Wolves, but never The Legend of Four Wolves. Is it good? X))) - Beams. - AND OMG READ THE CHAPTER AND YOU'LL SEE WHY. xD - HIDES. - I hope your computer stops being evil, btw. And here's more! - Glomps. - And I want to read your story soooon! ;0;

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**The Golden Shadow - **Thank you for the IMs! xD They were incredibly sexy. AND OMG HOW COULD I NOT?! xDD - Gives more band-aids, kisu, run! –

**Jeune Circe** – Thank you! And you'll just have to read to see. I don't think Harry will be in here, unless I bring him in in the very end, but maybe! xD There's always that possibility! Wonderful idea too, love! - Glomps. –

**AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO! THE NEXT CHAPTER OF FOR YOU! Yattaaaaa!!! - Throws confetti and dances in it. –**

**Disclaimer**: The day Harry Potter belongs to me is the day that the world ends..

Enjoy!

* * *

**For You**

**Chapter 12: **_The Hand That Never Held Back_

* * *

I looked up from the diary in my hands as I heard a loud clatter from somewhere down the hall. There were hushed voices, then somebody screaming. Their words were angry, frantic, and curiosity seized me, drawing my attention away from the page my eyes had been settled on. What the hell was going on?

Getting to my feet, I tucked the book back into the bookshelf and moved from the room. I wandered down the corridor, curiosity growing as the voices grew louder, and then I found myself face to face with the sight of at least ten different beings trying to subdue a bleeding, writhing Sirius.

The blood was flowing from his stomach, a river that washed over his belly and spilled without restraint to the floor below. There was a long trail of blood leading from the corner of his mouth as well, making its journey down a too-pale chin and lower still, cutting across his throat like a shallow wound, forebodingly.

I was horrified yet mesmerized as I watched him struggle like a dying animal in its last fight for life. He looked painstakingly beautiful. And he was mine.

The sinister thought had struck me as though lightening had lit the sky, and it was just as sudden. There, visible for a second, and then gone, but leaving behind enough force and power to burn down an entire village without care. Pollux was mine.

My body was thinking along the same lines as well, because before I knew what I was doing, I found myself clearing the space separating me from my returned warrior with long, even strides. I came to a halt just before him, watching as his dazzling blue eyes looked through me and to a world beyond, glazed over in their dementia.

"Pollux..." I whispered, loud enough for only him to hear. There was no acknowledgment or even recognition as he continued to struggle, wasting his life's crimson essence in a futile battle for freedom. He was losing strength, it showed as the life in his eyes slowly fizzled out, but he was stubborn. I had the feeling that the warrior would stop at nothing.

"Pollux," I spoke this time, louder so that a few of the angels restraining my dying beauty became aware of my presence. But not him. He still put up a glorious fight, biting, punching, kicking with all of his might... but the blood loss was starving his muscles for oxygen and energy needed to trigger responses, and his movements were dramatically decreasing. He looks now as though he were trying to run in water – slow and graceful. Something needed to be done.

"Sirius Pollux Black!" I shouted, turning all eyes onto me this time, save for the blue hues I'd been aiming to draw to me, and after a moments time of debating with myself, I took the final step separating me from my angel, and leaning forward, I kissed him.

* * *

Sirius could feel the lips on his own. It was like a rope finding its way around his body and tugging him slowly back into reality. 

His anger quickly abated, burning down to a steady simmer as the adrenaline rush faded away, and with the loss of his brain focusing on something else, he felt the pain his body had been ignoring before come crashing down ten fold.

Sirius shoved hard at Remus's shoulders, clutching at the wall blindly as he doubled over and coughed up blood and bile that had been building up in his stomach.

Nobody turned away from the acrid smell, but the angels rose into a panic again, grabbing at their commander from all sides. One of the other archangels shoved Remus off to the side to get to his master, but a strong voice halted all further activity.

"Leave me be!" Sirius bellowed, turning enraged eyes back onto his fellow comrade, though it obviously was draining him of what little energy he had left. "You!" he spat, pointing a finger at Remus. "You _alone_ will take me to my bedroom. Do you understand?"

Remus stared mutely, but nodded. How was Sirius still standing, let alone capable of thought, when he had such an extensive wound?

Slowly, Remus moved over to the battle weary soldier and drew one of the angel's arms over his head to rest on his shoulder. Together they moved towards the door of the elaborate room, both turning their heads to glance at each other at the same time. There was a mutual understanding that passed through them both when their eyes met. They both smiled at each other, an unguarded twist of the lips before they turned back towards the door and pushed it open together.

The next couple of days, Sirius would spend slipping in and out of consciousness, delusional with high fever as his body fought to heal his gaping wound, helped with gauze that wound around his chest and over his left shoulder.

As the doctor went through and cleaned the wound every day, changing Sirius's bandages and feeding him painkillers(1), he always commented on how close to the heart it'd been, how surprised he was that his master had made it thus far, and he always reminded Remus to pray for "just another night."

The doctor would chuckle to himself then, as though he knew that even this wouldn't work and all hope for Sirius was lost, and then he would state something along the lines of his master being a "strong and stubborn man who would give death one hell of a fight before giving up like this". And then he would leave Remus to contemplate in the silence punctuated only by Sirius's heavy, sometimes ragged breathing.

Never once did Remus leave Sirius's side.

Through all hours of the night, Remus would sit by the other's side, offering him what comfort he could with a whispered word of encouragement, and his hand holding tight to the other's, who never held back.

He would sing, tell Sirius stories, and even sit in companionable silence. He would sponge bathe the unconscious occupier of the bed, telling him to endure and live and that everything would be over soon. One week already, and Sirius wasn't showing any signs of recovering.

* * *

I was making myself sick, literally, with my worry. I hadn't slept for a week, I hardly touched the food the maids left, and I only moved from my spot to go to the bathroom. I was scared. I was falling in love. 

Looking down at my hand that was linked to his with a tight grip, I felt the first hint of tear in my eyes. I hadn't cried in a week! ...Why now?

"Pollux," I whispered, though it sounded almost too loud in the nearly abandoned room. I shook his hand a little with my own. "Pollux...Wake up. You have to wake up, Pollux... Please."

I choked back some tears, shaking his hand a little more, "Pollux, please!"

I choked back a sob, leaning my head forward to rest on both of our hands. I took a deep breath then, trying to correct the shakiness that had suddenly overcome me, and I held tightly to his hand – which never. Held. Back.

"I'm scared, Sirius," the name tasted bitter, but it rolled off my tongue easier than "Pollux" did. "You can't leave me here. You have to wake up..."

I shook his arm this time, hoping the movement would wake him up, my voice becoming more frantic. "Sirius! Sirius, you have to wake up!" I was screaming now, hysterical as I climbed on top of the bed and straddled his wrist, grasping his shoulders as I shook him.

"Sirius, Sirius, Sirius...!" No response.

I sat back, crying openly and wiping at my eyes with the backs of my hands. Why was I breaking down? Why today? Why _now_?

I was so angry too – at him, at myself. How selfish of him, to leave me after, after...! And then to come home, making me promise to stay by his side until he woke. Why wouldn't he wake up? Was he hiding from me? Was he really awake and laughing at me?

I stared down at him, sleeping beauty slowly slipping into dreams for eternity. Ebony fanned out about the pillow, haloing his head in a mocking manner, taunting with the threat of death. He was pale, so pale, and the muscles that'd been so prominent on his body before were deteriorating.

He was wasting away beneath and before me, and there was nothing I could do.

"I hate you," I whispered as a tear broke free my eyes, rolling down my cheek to taste my lips and then fall away, landing on Sirius's cheekbone. "I hate you..."

Without thinking, I found myself bringing up my fist, free hand clutching tightly at the material fabric beneath my fingers. "I hate you..." I brought my clenched hand down lightly with the statement, and then I lost it, slamming both hands down on his chest as I sobbed and I screamed.

"I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, _I hate you_!"

And then I dissolved emotionally, shoving away from him and stumbling to the bathroom. I clutched at the sides of the toilet and leaned over it as my stomach churned out of control with my emotions.

And then I retched.

Pulling myself away from the porcelain object, I moved back to the bed, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand as I crawled back up on the mattress.

"Look what you did to me," I whispered, before laying my head down on his chest and, for the first time in a long while, fell asleep.

* * *

Lily looked as though she would break down at any minute and just cry. It was all Sirius's fault that Remus had fallen into a depression such as this. 

But why was Remus so worried, so made about someone he "hated"? Was he afraid of what would happen to the both of them if Sirius didn't get better?

Which brought her back to another question: Why had Sirius kept her alive? Why hadn't he punished her as he'd promised yet? Was it for James?

She stared down at the sleeping man in the bed beside her chair, looking at the messy locks that seemed to stick up in every direction, defying gravity with all their might.

"Are you the one saving me, James?" she whispered, leaning over him to brush away some of his bangs from his forehead with her finger tips. "Aren't you scared...?"

Of dying, living, Sirius, losing...She didn't understand her own question, but it didn't matter. The only one who could hear her really couldn't hear her at all.

"I tried to see Remus, but he was asleep, all cuddled up with _him_. James... What's going on?"

She stared at his sleeping form again, waiting for an answer she knew she wouldn't get, and then she leaned forwards, resting her upper body on James's bed before closing her yes.

"Goodnight, James."

* * *

Sirius woke up with a little groan, blinking rapidly as his eyes focused on the room about him. Slowly, the objects and the room melted together as one. He took a deep breath, remembering where he was and what happened almost instantly. 

He lifted his hand to brush away a strand of hair at this forehead that was making the spot tingle annoyingly, only to find that he could move his hand at all. That was when he noticed a weight on his chest and side.

"What the...?" Sirius grumbled, turning his eyes toward his immobile hand. His fingers were entwined with a pair of familiar digits. He just couldn't place to whom they belonged to.

Sirius let his eyes travel up the pale arm crossing his abdomen, tracing the first hint of tawny locks before settling on Remus's face. The thief was asleep.

"Rem," Sirius whispered, voice gruff. "Rem, wake up."

Nothing. Sirius had to stretch his limbs and the little bastard wouldn't wake up. His whole body was feeling achy!

"Remus, wake up..." he said again, only louder this time. The tawny haired captive stirred a little, blinking away the confusion of dreams from his eyes as he muttered something incoherent, obviously a response to a question in his dreams.

Taking a deep breath, Remus brought the back of his hand across his nose and mouth, sniffling lightly before rubbing at his eyes and pushing himself up with his free hand, yawning as he looked around for any disturbances.

"Morning," Sirius slurred, drawing Remus's attention to himself. The first look was the indifference that came with a mind slowly putting pieces together through the haze of sleepiness. The second look was utter confusion as his mind contemplated recent events with the happenings of now, and finally, with a look of dawning realization Remus was throwing himself onto the wounded soldier, hugging him tightly.

"Pollux! You're awake! I was so scared- I thought you were a goner!"

"Oh ye of little faith," Sirius chuckled weakly, trying to hide the grimace out of his voice from the pain Remus's sudden actions had caused. At first, Remus was quiet with no retort to Sirius's statement, but then his whole body started shaking, voice coming in shallow gasps as he clutched tightly to Sirius's upper body.

"Yo-You don't get it, do you? I wa-was scared..." A choked sob, and Sirius pulled Remus away from his chest, holding him at arms length as he tilted the thief's head back to look up at him. Remus wasn't done talking. "It's st-stupid, Pollux! T-This whole war is stupid! P-People are just getting more hurt and it's causing m-more hatred! You almost...!" A hiccup, to make a pause in Remus's frantic words as one hand lowered to grab Sirius's wrist, cheek tilting into the archangel's hand as he cast his eyes downwards, and then he was speaking with utter reverence in regard to everybody's inevitable fate(2). "...died!"

"But I didn't," Sirius whispered hoarsely, tapping on Remus's chin with his free hand to make him look back up. "And this war is not stupid. We're soldiers, Remus. It's our duty. By discrediting this war, you're discrediting us. Think about it. For every life lost, think of how many more we've saved. War is an evil, yes, but it's a necessary evil. We fight knowing the risks, and in our eyes, it's worth it. People can rest easy because they know we're doing our part to protect them."

But Remus was shaking his head, holding tightly to Sirius's shoulder. "Pollux! At the risk of your own life? People need you _here_!"

"Like who?" Sirius inquired patiently.

"Like... _Me_..."

"Remus..."

But the temperamental thief had already flung himself from the bed and out of Sirius's reach, hugging his shoulders in a half attempt to comfort himself.

"But what do I know, right?" he continued on bitterly, as though none of the last four comments between them had ever been made. "I'm just a petty thief with a pretty face and no mental capacity to think on my own with, right?"

"I never said that, damn it! And you're not an animal, Remus. You and I both know that," Sirius said, weighing his words carefully now as he pushed himself away from the bed and stepped slowly to stand at Remus's side.

"Others would beg to differ-"

"And they're wrong."

There was that tactless, built up fury from the tawny haired man again as he swung around to face Sirius. "What do you know? You've lived a life of _luxury_, blind to the real problems outside your castle's walls. People are _homeless_ out there, and do you even _care_? You-They... We're treated like animals!"

"Are you then?" Sirius asked, voice hardening as a scowl crossed his face. "Are you an animal?"

"I am not- err, what?"

"I'm asking you," Sirius apprehended after Remus's confusion. "If you're an animal or not."

Remus stared at the archangel for a moment, taking in the blood stained bandages secured tightly around his chest. Suddenly, he realized how unfair his words to the other had just been. Sirius was standing there, wounded, fighting for his freedoms, and he was sitting here second-guessing him. He couldn't even justify his behavior. Maybe he really _was_ an animal.

Slowly, the thief shook his head. "No."

For a moment, there was nothing but impassiveness on Sirius's face, but then a slow smile crept across his lips and he spoke. "Okay," he whispered. "I'll remember that."(3)

* * *

**A/N**: SAA! END CHAPTER TWELVE. – Collapse. – 

xD In regards to something my beautiful beta reader said—I'D HOPE ARCHANGELS HAVE PAINKILLERS. WHAT DO THEY DO FOR HEADACHES? xDD

Colby told me that I should play around with this a little, but I didn't know how, so I thought I might as well just explain what it was referring to. Everybody dies eventually, right? So he was speaking quietly about it, because he's afraid of it, even if he can't technically "die", and since Sirius almost died.. Yeah. X)

FRUITS BASKET NOSTALGIA ANYBODY? xD

Okay, well. It's not as long as the last couple of ones, but I hope you enjoyed it! Muah!


	14. Tiny Sensations

Well! I just got done seeing the Phantom of the Opera tonight. It totally rocked! The Phantom's voice just.. Blew me away, omg. I got goosebumps when he sang. Not only that, but he was pretty cute, too. Ahh.. Winter Break! C'est la vie! - Rolls around. - Too bad Las Vegas never gets any snow. Anyways! Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. I'm a bit of a procrastinator. n.n; Gomen, gomen. – Bows her head. - And now, without further ado! It's author review response time! OH! And **_MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!_** May all of your wishes and dreams come true. Haato.

**AffectedMangoO** – I'm glad you liked it! Hopefully you'll like this one too. Some parts I let my friends read and they said it disturbed them a little, but Colby caught a lot of errors in this chapter, so I'm hoping not too many more will turn up. I've been noticing a lot in my other chapters. – Pouts. - Oh! And Fruits Basket is an anime. So, if you're not a big anime fan, I'm not surprised if you don't know what it is, but it's really cute! And I said that because there's this part where Haru, who's turns into a cow in the series(they all turn into animals from the Chinese zodiac), is yelling at Yuki, who's the mouse. He says, "I hate you! Everybody thinks I'm stupid because of you!" and Yuki says, "Are you then?" and Haru's quiet for a minute, and then he goes, "No.." and Yuki smiles and says, "I'll remember that then." It's really cute! I HIGHLY recommend it. )

**Shadow Cat17** – I'm glad you like it, and thank you for the review! I hope you continue to read and review! It means a lot to me! - Glomps. –

**Hannio** – I'm glad you liked it! It's my greatest achievement to date, and it really means a lot to me to know that somebody out there is enjoying it and taking it in for all it's worth! Thank you for the review, and I hope you continue to read! - Luvs. –

**SiriusMoonPuppy** – Jackie-bebe! It was not boring at all. xD While I get to talk to you as much as I want on AIM, it's still totally awesome of you to drop a review in my box. It's like.. It rocks! And I'm glad you liked the last chapter! I think I'm losing my touch, just a little, but oh well. And hey! We'll have to RP some more scenes from For You again. It was crazy cool when we did! Love for you!

**Cindered-hope** – Saa! -Hands lots of tissues!- Don't cry! HERE! QUICK. I ADDED A SNOGGING SESSION. xDD - Huggles. - AND OMG! The lead singer of My Chemical Romance is SO HOTT. xDD I can't believe my ears—or eyes, I should say. But.. O I dunno. His brother looked.. Like.. REGULUS MATERIAL TO ME. xDD - Glompage. - Anyways! Enjoy!

**Lunaris** – I could never kill Siri-bebe! Only torture him a little. He's my favorite character, after all! x - Return Glompage. - And I'm a little afraid of your list. xD Do you really just _hate_ the people on it?

**Emerald Tigriss** – ROFL. All I have to say is: omgwtfbbqurmom. xD That was so completely random, omg. But I love you! And I think you're a better person than I am, in all reality. ;x You completely ROCK. AHH! I love your reviews so much. I always can't stop smiling after reading them. xD So my Mom's like, "Mandie, hunny. Why're you smiling?" And she's utterly disturbed by my lack of frown-ness. 'Cause I'm usually frowning. SAD. And omg. Eggnog is so good. Wtfalbertsonsbringmesome. ANYWAYS. xD LOVE AND HUGS x 5843846846846846846843541368497698763543216469763698796875343543697846584536476586584365436 x

**HappyDappyDrunk** - xD I'm glad that I could make you squee! x It's a talent, really. xD And I hope you're feeling better now, since Christmas is only two days away! - Squeaks. - MY KINGDOMW HEARTS! And thank you for pointing out that typo. I was staring at it for a couple minutes trying to figure out what I met, just like I had to do in _this_ chapter. And then I realized they were typos. Like down where it says, "Looking to the left" I put, "Looking to the life." And I was like, "omgwtfcrackwasismoking?" and I think that Colby was too. xDD And I'm glad you liked his name! I figured since he was named after stars, I'd named him either Pollux or Castor, and seeing as how Pollux was the more violent of the two, he got stuck with that one. x GEMINI'S! - Love. –

**RoschLupin-Black** - I think that they make a bloody brilliant couple, too. x So here. This chapter should please your fandom. Hrt.

**The Golden Shadow** - :0! Don't be mad! And I'm glad that you finally got around to reviewing. xD I'm being a procrastinator. Weeheehee. x - So devious. - And with Christmas two days away, well. x Fufufufu.. ANYWAYS. – Beams. - I'm glad that my story could contribute to a better day! - Glompage and nibbles. - X) Yersocuteiloveyou,omg.

**Seika** – Just incase you didn't get my email, send it to YourDeviiDaddy(at)aol(dot)com. I really want to read your story! Mou. And I'm super glad you keep liking mine more and more! xD - Glompage.- Hope to hear more from you soon!

**AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO: THE NEXT CHAPTER OF FOR YOU. **Hehe. That rhymed.

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is not Mandie's. As much as she wishes that she did therefore create it, she did not.

**OH OH. AND DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT THEY'RE RELEASING THE SIXTH HARRY POTTER (The Half Blood Prince) ON JULY 16TH, 2005?! BECAUSE THEY ARE. Okay, now the story. x**

* * *

**For You**

**Chapter 13:** Tiny Sensations

* * *

It was the first time, really, that anybody had treated me like a human being. Usually I was disregarded as an animal, a possession, or a criminal.

I stared at him, touched by his endearment, and even further moved by the raw smile giving life to his pale lips. But the smile was quick to fade, replaced with concern and confusion.

"Why are you crying again?"

Blinking, I touched the tips of my fingers to my cheeks and felt the moisture. I smiled, thinking of a way to explain without making him think I was crazy, because I was crying for reasons other than sorrow.

"Because you won't cry, Sirius. I'm crying for you," I said, pausing so that he could take it in before I spoke again. "And because I'm happy."

Sirius took his turn staring now, though the gaze he'd fixed me with gave me the concrete impression that I'd suddenly sprouted three heads and grown fangs.

"You're crying because you're… happy?"

The way his face twisted with the word "happy" almost had me breaking down into a fit of laughter. The idea wasn't striking home for him, nor was the concept of somebody actually being so happy that they could cry. Especially because of – or for – him.

"You've never cried because you were happy before?"

Sirius stiffened instantly, attempting a pathetic mock expression of exasperation and disbelief, before making his voice indifferent; a failed attempt at hiding a lie. "I've never cried before."

I rolled my eyes, marching over to him and jabbing my finger sharply into his chest with every word I spoke.

"You were _born_ crying, Mr. Black. Therefore, you _have_ cried," I said, highly amused by his obvious weakness.

Sirius caught my finger, bringing it away from his chest as he took on a defensive tone. "I was_ not_ born crying. I was born throwing a masculine fit of displeasure. And it was very manly."

I just let out a breath halfway between exasperation and halfway between a chuckle. "You are the most _pigheaded_ man I know!"

"No I'm not," he defended. "Lucius is."

Well, I had to give him that. Lucius was _definitely_ a high up on my list of pigheaded bastards. However, Sirius didn't need to know that—and then something occurred to me.

"Sirius!" I practically shrieked, shoving him back towards the bed. "What are you doing up? You're injured! I'll go call the doctor, and we'll fix you right up!"

"Remus…"

"Don't argue with me!" I huffed, placing my hands on my hips. "You're getting into bed, and I'm getting the doctor, Mr. Black!"

Sirius rolled his eyes at me, glowering slightly. "Sirius."

"No! Don't argue with—Wait. What?"

"Call me Sirius," he amended, grabbing my wrist and tugging so that I fell forward on top of him.

* * *

Despair, hate, fright. Lily felt all three emotions at the back of her throat, building slowly into a scream as she fought to get away from whoever, or whatever, was pursuing her.

Her breathing was shallow, catching at her chest and hitching in her throat in a slow, brutal suffocation. Her lungs couldn't seem to work fast enough to keep up with her body's rapid movements, muscles starving for oxygen that her lungs couldn't give.

Her pleas were hoarse on the air, carried away by the icy breeze that bit, without mercy, at her bare body.

"Help me, please… Please help me!"

But her words fell upon an eerie silence, disturbed only by the hollow echoing of footsteps as flesh met slick marble and a sporadic growl sounded behind her.

"No, please. Stop it! HELP ME!"

Laughter as James stepped out from the side of the endless, pitch black prison of insanity and shoved her as she ran past.

She stumbled, hands grabbing blindly for anything to catch herself on.

**Thud**. She hit the floor.

"No, James! Help me!" she shrieked, groping wildly for the laughing figure.

"Don't be scared," Sirius cooed, stepping free from the shadows on the opposite side of James. "It's just a _game_."

"No! I… I…! REMUS! REMUS, HELP ME!" Ear splitting pleas that ripped through the silence as her body shook, paralyzed by fear. "PLEASE REMUS! HELP ME!"

But the response was a nasal bit of laughter from Sirius.

"He won't hear you scream, _Lily_," James offered in an offhand, malicious whisper. "He's dead too."

"No, he's…" Emerald eyes shifted, frantic for evidence to disprove their words. Drawn to the left, Lily's gaze and attention fell on a body. Horrified, eyes dilated to a tremendous size, she pushed herself to her knees and crawled, ignorant of the steady flow of laughter behind her. "N-No…"

Feathers lay scattered, a dull white contrasting violently against the deep crimson of freshly spilt blood. An ethereal countenance; irony striking as she realized the image the feathers actively created with a bloodied body: A sacrifice on a cross of feathers.

"No…" Weaker now, as fingers slipped in the thick, coppery liquid about the beauty's body, spelling out symbols above the head; characters she knew, but couldn't remember. (1)

The skin on the victim's fingers was cracked open, green and pussing at the corners of the horrific wounds the littered the slender digits as they curled up in a haunting visage, insinuating a struggle had taken place.

Clothes were untouched, rumpled slightly and sticky with blood, but the neck was sticking out of the collar at an odd angle--turned sharply to the right and tilted up. The bloody stump stayed connected to its sharply disconnected counterpart by a thin layer of skin at the back, sliced open, or rather, sawed apart, by something dull.

The mouth was wide open as well, sliced from the corners to the hollow of his ears, chin and teeth caked in blood along with the floor around his head.

"Remus…" Lily whispered, hands hovering over the mangled body and then over her mouth, horrified of death's marvel and seduction. "You _killed_ him!"

"We did," Sirius spoke lightly, as though still in awe of the massacre masterpiece. "And he struggled beautifully."

"Very," James spoke, voice laced with the same kind of reverence.

"No!" Lily denied, shoving herself off the ground as she made for her feet and started running.

More laughter, and the endless cavern of midnight seemed to have morphed into a house of mirrors, and everywhere she turned, Sirius or James was reflected, laughing as they mocked her hysteria.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP IT!" she screamed before something caught a hold of her ankle and brought her careening to the ground. "No!"

She flipped quickly onto her back, staring right into the icy grey eyes of Sirius.

"Boo," he whispered, before again breaking into a booming, psychotic laughter, pierced by James's shrieks of delight as the tousle haired boy muttered a nearly hysteric, "Goodbye," between his words.

Lily twisted, trying to pull herself from the ground, but found herself weighted there. Her eyes rolled back into her head as she fought to turn them too fast onto what was holding her down.

She froze, giving a horrified, paralyzed gasp as her eyes locked on tawny hair.

The mutilated body of Remus was creeping slowly up Lily's body with slow, jerking movements. The head, poorly attached, flopped about, twisting and turning without anything to support it firmly to the body it'd originally been attached to.

"No!" she screamed again, twisting her own body in an attempt to dislodge the zombie from herself, but it was to no avail.

She closed her eyes, turning her head away, and then there was silence.

She listened for a moment, moving her arms blindly to see if the weight was gone, and it was. A deep breath, though still shaky, and she opened her eyes.

The slashed face of Remus hovered over hers, the sliced mouth opening to let out a horrible scream as blood fell from his mouth and splattered onto her face. (2)

* * *

Lily shot up from the side of James's bed, wide-eyed and terrified of the visions her mind had graced her with while she slept. James was staring at her, glass of water in his hands threatening to slip through his fingers, and then he smiled kindly.

"You were groaning in your sleep. You okay?"

But Lily, still delusional from the nightmarish dream, wasn't completely there mentally. The walls were coming alive and crumbling as they reached for her, continuously unsuccessful, but closer to their goal every time.

James face was becoming distorted, twisting into the Remus she'd feared in her dream, and before James could talk again, Lily was gone.

* * *

I blinked down at Sirius as he grinned up at me, twining his fingers in my hair.

"I already feel better, love."

I blushed, shifting slightly on him so that I was sitting up, straddling his waist. "Err, but isn't my weight making you more uncomfortable?"

Sirius stared at me, as though I'd grown a third head, and then it was his turn to shoot up, nearly throwing me off of him. He grabbed me by the shoulders before I could topple too far, and then he shook me slightly, looking angry.

"You lost weight!"

My mouth dropped open and I continued to stare at him as he continued to jerk me back and fourth.

"I-I didn't lose that much!" I protested, grabbing at his wrists to pull his hands away from their death grip on my shoulders, making him cease the violent motions.

"You lost enough," he growled, jerking his hands away from mine. "Have they not been feeding you?" and then he pushed me aside slightly, moving to get up. "I'll kill them!"

"Sirius!" I gasped, throwing my arms around his waist as he made to leave the room in his anger. "Sirius, they did feed me!" I gasped trying to explain, fighting to keep him from leaving. "I just didn't eat!"

Silence. I was beginning to think that the alternative I'd just thrown at him had been much worse than the previous thought, and I was proved right when he swung around to face me with the most frightening look on his face—

Of course, it would have been more intimidating if his hair wasn't sticking up in every direction and he wasn't stark naked. But at least the view was nice.

"You'll march yourself up to that kitchen RIGHT NOW, and get some food in you…"

I gave him a lopsided grin as the cheesy statement of, "Or how about I just get some of _you_ in me" passed through my mind. However, I wouldn't vocalize my less than innocent thoughts.

"I'm not hungry," I chirped pleasantly, barely diving out of the way of a hand that had grabbed for me.

"The hell you're not!" Sirius growled, agitated as he made another swipe for me and missed. "You're going to eat!"

I laughed at him, making him more furious than he's been before. It was like he'd gained lightening speed, because in mid-jump to get out of his reach, I was tackled to the floor grunting as I hit cold stone and then was jerked up to stare at a very displeased Sirius.

"I'm not _joking_, Rem… Eat."

"I'm not hungry, Sirius!" I explained, slightly irritated now as I pushed at his chest. "Let me up."

"No," he growled, finding my wrists to pin them on either side of my head. "Not until you agree."

For the love of…! What part of _I'M NOT HUNGRY_ did he not understand? I couldn't eat when my stomach wanted nothing to do with food!

"Pollux—"

"Sirius," he corrected. I rolled my eyes.

"_Sirius_. I'm. Not. Hungry."

"_Remus_," Sirius mocked, leaning close. "_I. Don't. Care._"

I let out a long, exasperated sigh, and turned my head away from his, eyes traveling over Sirius's arm and up to his hand, or at least my elbow, since my hands were above my head, and then the intimacy of the situation struck me. I think it struck Sirius too, because when I gazed back up at him, he was watching me with unnerving intent.

His eyes were so intense that it made my skin tingle pleasantly, and before I knew it, my head was lifting off the floor my mouth meeting his as he leaned down.

It was a slow, long kiss that made me feel good in all the right places. My stomach was doing somersaults, making me laugh slightly into the kiss before moving my head away, still smiling.

"I love it when you do that," Sirius muttered, a bit out of breath.

I was still laughing under my breath when I opened my eyes again to look back into that intense gaze. His eyes were alive, and it made my breath catch in a little gasp, turning me breathless this time.

"When I do what?" I breathed out, unable to draw my eyes away from his.

"When you laugh, when you smile. I love it when you do that, when it's because of me."

I flushed, staring up at him as I licked my lips with a suddenly dry tongue and tried to swallow. My throat felt swollen, and when I opened my mouth to speak, it just came out in a tiny noise from the back of my throat.

"I want to make you mine, Remus," he whispered fiercely. "Mine, and no one else's."

It seemed like five minutes passed between us as I found it inside of me to speak again, and when I did, I found that he let my hands go as I pushed up against his. For a moment, he looked disappointed, expecting me to get up, but the touch of my fingers to his hair automatically made him wait.

"I'm already yours, Sirius," I pushed out, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "All you had to do was ask."

Sirius's face broke out into a huge grin as he nodded his head and then leaned in once more, covering my mouth with his.

It was a short, chaste kiss of appreciation, and after only a second, Sirius was pulling his mouth away from mine. I was already missing the contact so badly that it almost hurt. Was I really so in love with him, or was this lust?

Moving my hands into his hair, I caught my fingers in the silky strands and pulled his head back to mine.

This time when I went to kiss him, he came down on me with a ferocity I hadn't expected from a wounded man. His lips came apart against mine, drawing my own open with his, and then his tongue touched gingerly at mine; the tips, just for a taste.

I groaned into it at the sensations the tiny contact sent through my body, and then I was clutching at him more tightly, pulling him down against myself.

* * *

**A/N:** 1. There were actual words written above his head, and no, Lily didn't write them there.

Yes, this nightmare is significant. Think of it, in a way, as foreshadowing. x Much love!


	15. Casualties

WOOOOO! I'M BAAACCCKKK! Did my pretty dears miss me? I know, I know. I made you wait seven months and I'm HORRIBLE, BUT I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU ALL! First, May 21st, my sister Sheena got married. May 31st, I turned 17. July 3rd, my brother Matthew got married AND his wife(Sarah, who reviews as SHYDIVA3 on my story!) is pregnant with a little boy! FINALLY, July 16th(OMG HARRYPOTTER!), my brother Jason got married as well! AHH! AND I WENT OUT TO CALIFORNIA TO MY FRIEND KANNA'S FOR CHRISTMAS! Also, I went out to California for two weeks AGAIN, though later this year. That is uhm.. June 24th to July 11th with my friend Elizabeth. :3 We stayed with my friend Quarla(WHO WROTE THIS REALLY AWESOME NOVEL! WHEN SHE GETS PUBLISHED, REEEAAADDD IIITTT!), went to Anime Expo, and ROCKED HARD AT DDR. Also! My friend Veronica drew me FANART! SQUEEEEE! MY FIRST FANART! - WIGGLES! - She drew it months ago, but still. xDD AND MY FRIEND MADE ME A WEBSITE THINGY MAJIGGER FOR MY WRITING! One of my original stories is on there if you want to go and check it out. I'll put the link in my profile! X) And and and! I switched out of schools at the second semester, which is another reason why I was practically dead to this world. BUT AHHHH! I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE AS EXCITED ABOUT THIS NEW CHAPTER AS I AM! I LOVE YOU GUYS, HAPPY READING! n.n! And now, time for Author Review Response time!

**Skeet**: EEK! When you read the second author note at the end of this chapter, PLEASE DON'T HATE ME! - RUNS AND HIDES! - MEEE.

**Nya Nya**: You sent the rest of this to me in an email which has since been removed when my AOL mailbox was purged. THAT'S OKAY THOUGH, 'CAUSE I STILL GIVE YOU HUGS AND KISSES x 64389439138913813813813851351 AND YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT. I hope. xDD

**HappyDappyDrunk**: Yes, yes. xD THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM INDEED! But uh.. :3 Yeah. My friend drew a little sketch in my notebook, where Sirius is holding Remus, and is all like, "EAT. XO" and Remus is like, "NO. XO" It's so cute!

**cindered-hope: **MRAW! I don't know how old they are. xD I wrote it down, but I think they're somewhere in their early twenties or late teens. I'll figure out how old they are for SURE and get back to you with it! AND MRAWHAHAHA. My Mum, when she read the nightmare part, was like, "WTF CHILD OF MINE." faklsdjf X) I'm glad you thought it was scary, though! That's what I was aiming for! KISSES TIMES INFINITY AND A BILLION : MUAH!

**Shadow Cat17**: HERE'S MORE FOR YOU! - Delivers on a silver platter. - :333 And uh.. xD You'll have to wait to see what happens. 3 I'm reeeaaallly glad that you like them, though! - Wiggles! -

**Hannio**: YAY! I'm glad you like them. People have mixed views on the way I write them, but.. xD It's how I see them! Especially in the situation they're caught up in. :3 And uh.. The Nightmare is significant in a different way than most of you are thinking. STILL SIGNIFICANT, THOUGH! xD Very Merry Belated Happy Christmas to you, and keep reviewing! xD Even though you said you would. HRT!

**Kawaii Thief Kitsune**: Funny part is, I saw the Grudge just AFTER I wrote that chapter and started laughing. xD They are bloody similar, which delights and yet worries me. PLEASE DON'T SUE ME! I PROMISE THAT REALLY CAME FROM MY MIND AND NOT WHAT I SAW AFTER I WROTE IT ON THE BIG SCREEN! - Snickerfits, snuggles, and flees! -

**The Golden Shadow**: I'M SORRY I MADE YOU WAIT FOR SO LONG. ;.; - Clings and snuggles! - I love you still, though! I didn't abandon you, just that life caught up with me, strangled me, and then tipped me upside down to SHAKE ME. STOLE ALL MY MONEY TOO! Actually, I never had money to begin with. o.o I'm glad you loved it though! xD Keep reading!

**SHYDIVA3**: SARAH! MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER IN LAW! HOW IS MY NEPHEW DOING? AND MY BROTHER? X)) I'm glad you liked the gruesome details. xD 'Cause, you know, that means that I've ACCOMPLISHED MY JOB AS A WRITER! - Coughs. - Anyways:3 Take care, Sarah! Love yer guts, and give my brother a big fat hug and kiss for me! LOVE YOU BOTH! X)))

**Marauder-girl**: I hope you didn't have nightmares! xD If you did, then.. MUWAHAHA. I FEEL ACCOMPLISHED. :3 - Snugs. - Sorry it took me forever to update, but I hope that you still read it and review! X) TAKE CARE! MUAH! - SNUG AND RUN. -

**Tenebra Corvus**: EEK! I'm so sorry that you discovered it RIGHT when I went on a random hiatus! I'm so sorry! - Snuggles the new reviewer and pets! - I hope that you realize this is here and keep reading! SO SORRY I TOOK FOREVER TO UPDATE! Meeep!

**Veroro**: EEEK! I LOVE YOU! xD I MISS YOU SOMUCHOMGWHATAREYOUDOING? I HOPE THAT MAYBE WE CAN HOOK UP AND HAVE ANOTHER SLUMBER PARTY SOMETIME! I MISS YOU SOOO MUCH. ;.; CALL ME, OKAY? OKAY.

**Jeune Circe**: EEEK! I'm so sorry. . I'm glad you think it's cute, but I'm soo sorry that it took me forever to update! ;.; I HOPE YOU'RE STILL THERE, AND WELL. - SNUGGLES! - xD But omg, I can't believe you were reading this when you were supposed to be studying. THAT'S HARDCORE. :x! AND YES. xD I was making my friend Veronica read it in class and she started laughing out loud (those two parts you said you liked a lot!), and it made me feel good to know that my humor worked! xD LOVE YOU, KEEP REVIEWING!

**Lunaris**: DON'T GLARE AT ME! I DIDN'T KILL SIRIUS! Nor do I plan to.. I don't think. xD Anyways, babe:3 KEEP READING! - SNUGGGGGLLLLEEESS! - MREE! And I'm sorry it took me so long to update! Mew.

**Shadow**: JON! MEEEP! I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH! How're you doin', sweety? I hope yer okay. I would call you, but I lost your number. Maybe you can call me, yah? ;.; Miss you lots! Hope to, if nothing else, see you in school next year! Muah!

**LanceWolfBoy**: Here is more for you! xD - Snuggles and then scampers off so that people can FINALLY get to reading. - Muah! Looking forward to your review. :x

* * *

**For You**

**Chapter 14: **Casulaties

* * *

The jubilant mood that had left Voldemort smiling all week evaporated, leaving him to a not so unusual state of malicious anger. His "spy" had come to him, relaying the news that the angel Voldemort had longed to murder for decades was making a steady recovery from his intimate dance with death.

"They're only rumours, Lord," Snape tried to quickly assure the Dark Lord. "I wouldn't worry about them too much."

"Not worry?" Voldemort scowled, turning an ugly head around to face his servant just as one of his hands curled into a fist and came crashing down on a stack of papers lying on his desk. "If that _rat_ comes back to life, Severus, then I'm _ruined._ **Ruined**."

Severus wisely lowered his head at Voldemort's outburst, eyeing him from beneath thick lashes wearily. To calm down this seething beast was an awkward job. "Your followers, my lord. They would never stop fighting until they found you if the situation at hand came to this. Your wings could be torn from your body and your powers stolen, but they... _We_ would find you, Master, and just as soon return you to all your former glories."

What Snape had said was partially true. Severus knew the loyalists would stop at nothing to avenge their lord and restore his horrible power, and he knew this because he himself was a loyalist. His strength, his power, and his life all belonged to one Sirius Black; his fierce enemy, but a closer ally.

"I want you to kill him, Snape," Voldemort announced in an undertone to his spy. The loyal implications Severus had proclaimed only managed to subdue the Dark Lord's anger and turn his attentions towards revenge. "Get close to him, and then squash him. Ruin him before he can ruin me, do you understand, Severus?"

Staring at the crazy many before him, Severus forced a passive look of nonchalance as his orders were received. There could be no hesitation when face to face with darkness, or Voldemort would devour him whole and find out everything he truly was. "If that is what you wish, my Master."

With a smile twisting up the right side of his mouth, Voldemort laughed; a high-pitched squeal that nearly caused Severus to wince. "Very well, Severus Snape," he murmured, managing to gather himself together long enough to push his most faithful servant out of the room. "Get out."

Snape watched with no remorse as the doors to his Lord's lair slammed close before turning on his heels and making his way back out of the dingy hideout. It was finally time to go back to his real haven, to his real home. It was time to return to the city.

* * *

If one were to ask anybody who was anybody what they thought of Lucius Malfoy, they would all respond with the same underlying message: he was filthy rich, greedy as hell, and lived for nobody other than himself. The man was made of money, and was in turn, the one who funded the rebellion aroused by a certain Dark Lord. You would never see the pristine, snobbish consul getting his hands dirty with the prospect of war, however. Lucius would only be found in his house, plotting out against the very people he was voted in by and betraying the people he fought with if, it would save him from certain death. He was, overall, a cheap, conniving, stingy bastard. Was it any wonder why nobody really liked him?

It was a quiet, hesitant knock that roused Lucius from his book and forced him to his feet. It was a shame that today of all days was the _only_ day that none of his servants decided to stick around for his temper. He would have been more agreeable to unexpected company if anybody _but_ he had had to open the door. And Severus Snape, whose face was revealed as the culprit once Malfoy had opened the door, was unlucky to be on the receiving end of his sour mood.

"You smell," was Lucius' initial reaction to the "stray" at his front door. "What're you knocking down my door for, Snape, when you should be knocking down the door to the nearest _bathroom_ and ridding yourself of all this… filth?"

"Your house was the closest one," Snape sneered, shoving passed Lucius and stepping into his house. He didn't need to be invited in; he came here enough as it was. "The Dark Lord wishes for me to kill Sirius Black, so I'm here on business. Business, _Malfoy_."

Taking in the tousled appearance that almost _flattered_ Severus' countenance, Lucius shrugged even as a sly grin curved up the corner of his mouth. "He's as brilliant as always, I see."

"Isn't he?" Snape replied dully, looking around the cosy mansion before returned a less than amused gaze onto Malfoy. "And you're still as rich and greedy as I last remember you being."

"Perfection never changes," Lucius replied with a full flash of his teeth before closing the door. "But this small chit chat still doesn't tell me what you're here for, Snape."

"A shower," Severus countered just as he took off in the direction of the backrooms. "A very long, very much needed shower."

"And company?" Lucius inquired mischievously, one hand finding a place on Severus' hipbone just as his teeth found the lobe of the Death Eater's ear.

Snape's brain screamed, his sanity clawing at the walls of his cranium to escape the automatic disgust triggered from Lucius' less than honourable affections. "And some company," he replied lamely, none of his inner struggle showing on his face or in his actions as he leaned into his "lover".

Lucius grinned as though Christmas had come early and eagerly hustled him to the bathroom for just a little bit _more_ than a bath. (1)

* * *

"I can't move," Remus groaned from beneath the weight of Sirius. The latter only chuckled. "Gerroff me, you big oaf."

"I can't move either though, Remmy," Sirius pouted, rocking from side to side a little to emphasize his point. "See? That's all I can do."

"But you're _crushing_ me down into the bed!" Remus insisted.

"And you're crushing me up into the air," came the archangel's witty reply, even as he managed to roll himself off the tawny haired thief and onto his back on the bed. "There, is that better, love?"

"Much." Remus retorted, glancing over at Sirius. There had been no sex to follow the intimacy of their words or actions because Sirius Black had become aware of his wound's will to rest and fallen victim of its persistent pain. Remus, who panicked at Sirius' sudden collapse, had been struggling for twenty minutes to get out from beneath the wounded angel and call for help, even as Sirius insisted that he didn't need it. In the end, Remus had been subdued, and they both agreed not to call the doctor.

"Sirius?" Remus asked, his voice suddenly and uncharacteristically timid.

"What is it, Rem?" Sirius replied, turning his a curious gaze over to his captor.

"Did you mean what you said earlier?"

Sirius blinked, genuinely confused at Remus' apparently random question, trying to think back to what he'd said earlier. Did he mean what he'd said earlier..? With a grin, Sirius reached out to tangle his fingers in tawny hair affectionately. He still couldn't remember, but at least he could appease the thief. "I don't lie, Remus."

"Yes you do."

Sirius laughed at the quick retort before pushing himself into a sitting position with a hearty wince. "Not to you."

"To everyone." Remus insisted.

The smile on Sirius' lips was spawned from the devil, to be sure, and when he leaned in to give Remus a slow, delectable kiss on the lips, it was almost more sinful than anything else they'd done. Just the contact sent the both of them spiralling; the way Sirius' teeth caught at Remus' bottom lip and then tugged it out before he meshed his mouth against the thief's.

"But not to you." Sirius replied in a low, sultry voice after pulling back and breaking the kiss. His response was a slow blush from Remus as the befuddled thief fought to remember his point on this particular argument.

"L-Liar," Remus sputtered, having regained enough of his wit to know that Sirius most definitely _was_ an evil, manipulative twit. But, oh! Remus just _couldn't_ think when his fingers were captive in Sirius' mouth and he was doing _that_ to them. Nobody could. "S-Sirius, please don't do--_Oh_!" Sirius's hand had just found its way into Remus' shirt to tickle deliberately slowly over wiry muscles. "Sirius, p-please! You're h-hurt!"

"Shut up," Sirius growled, statement devoid of any threat as he leaned forward to press his lips against Remus' once again. Remus, who had opened his mouth to protest, was quickly silenced, as Sirius was quick to seize theopportunity and subdue any further arguments with his tongue. Remus _couldn't_ disagree with that. He liked every opportunity he got to taste the powerful leader.

"Mmm… See? You should always just let me win," Sirius cooed, as his fingers found a patch of tawny hair and coiled around it, tugging Remus' head further back so that he could focus on more sensitive parts of his body. Like, for example, the neck, which he was currently nipping down. So pale. So blessedly pale.

Remus always managed to intoxicate Sirius with his innocent responses, with sounds that were always tantalizing to the body and the mind. The pace of Remus' breath speeding up made Sirius nearly crazy with his need to touch more of the thief, the encouraging whimpers nearly made him the beast he claimed he'd never be. Remus was like a drug, and Sirius was addicted. (2)

* * *

When I came to from that slow, languid bliss, I turned to look at Sirius with a new found sort of nervousness. I knew it was a bit odd for me to be feeling shy around him, especially after what had just occurred in the very spot I was laying in, but I couldn't help thinking, "Wow, we just..." every time I looked at him.

I watched Sirius watch me, gloating at the fatigued expression plaguing across his face, until I sat up and pulled the covers closely around my body. Self consciously, I was preparing to break the mood. "Pollux--"

"Sirius."

"--Sirius then," I snapped, slightly irritated at the correction he'd made.

"Yes, Remus?" he asked smoothly after I'd taken a moments silence for myself. "What is it?"

"What happened?"

When I turned to face him, he was looking at me as though I were an idiot. Either that, or he thought I was reeeaaallly slow. Either one; you decide.

"We had sex, Remus," he explained very articulately, as though I were a child. I just stared at him as though _he_ were the idiot this time.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious. Is that how you acquired your job as the leader of the archangels? You charmed them with your uncanny intelligence?" I grumbled, dropping my face into my hands. He could be so difficult sometimes!

"Why, yes. Yes it is, actually." he replied with a cheeky grin. I almost reached out to smack it right off of his face.

"I _know_ what we did, Pollux," I said, not using his name just to irritate him. "I meant what happened out there? How did you get hurt?"

Sirius was quiet for a moment as he looked me over and then sat up, leaning back against the headboard. "It was a war, Remus. People die during wars."

My frustration broke through passive languidness with an almost frightening force. My hands flew up in the air as I breathed exasperation and fought for coherency. Did this man really believe that I had the mental capacity of a six-year-old! Bad enough he'd mistaken me for a girl, but he had some nerve treating me like I didn't know about the birds and the bees yet! _('_ "And you live in a castle!"

Sirius blinked at that, obviously confused as he pondered for a moment over what the hell I'd meant and what I was going on about. "You don't have to tell me that, Remus. I already know--"

"Sirius!" I explained, even more put out at being misunderstood for Lord knows ho many times that night. "That's the point! You _know_ you live in a castle, and I _know_ that people die in wars! What I _want_ to know is why you came back injured, what happened to James, how many _casualties_ there were!"

Sirius, to say the least, looked absopositivelylutely livid. I hadn't said anything _that_ horrible, had I? But the hand that found my upper arm and bit into it with a bruising grip implied otherwise, and I was left with a very clear warning about the temper I'd just unknowingly released.

"I _hate_ that word, Remus," he growled, levelling his face with my own. "Don't ever say that word in my presence _ever_ again."

"What word?" I whispered, suddenly horrified at my lover's violent change of behaviour. What had I said wrong?

"_Casualties_," he hissed, shaking me once or twice. "It's not so _casual_, Remus."

"It's just a term, Sirius!" I reprimanded, putting my hand over the top of the one on my forearm. "And let go! You're _hurting_ me!"

Sirius only tightened his grip, drawing a yelp from my lips as I jerked and he pushed so that I landed, captured, on the bed beneath him.

"If it's a term, Remus, then it should be losses. Men's lives are not casual things that you can just throw away and recycle. They are unique and worth more than any material price could ever account for. Therefore," he spat, spittle flying from his mouth, "they are _not_ casualties. They are deaths. Losses. Never, **ever,** dishonour any soldier's sacrifice by making him just another face in the endless sea of cowards around me again. Am I understood?" (3)

I scowled, twisting beneath him in a futile effort to escape his mind-numbing fury, even as I fed it. "How hypocritical of you, Sirius. You mock the reaper and yet, isn't it you who steals the lives of others? You pick them off like flies and then claim that you honour death and his victims. _You_ are a soldier, Sirius! You CHOSE--"

I was cut off by his fingers finding my neck; pressing my Adam's apple inwards so that it was nearly impossible to breathe. Instinctively, both of my hands flew for his, clawing as my mind panicked and screamed for oxygen. He was completely blind to my terror.

"I did _not_ choose to be born with these black wings. I did not ASK to be made a killer, nor did I ASK to be the one who protects worthless pieces of shit like _you."_ That one hurt. "Do not mistake me, Remus. I do what I have to do to survive. Out on the battlefield, there's no longer brothers, you no longer have friends. You kill them or they kill you. Honour, selflessness--I was NOT taught these childish principles you believe and those worthless humans practice. My duty is to this fucking kingdom that I owe my life to because I wasn't BLESSED with the beauty of your ivory wings.

"I was trained not to feel any hesitation, Remus, because if you even bat your _lashes_ at the wrong moment, the tables will turn and YOU will be the one on your knees, pleading for ANY ounce of mercy your killer owns. But guess what? No matter who you're face to face with, they don't have it! They don't have any mercy on that field, Remus, because we weren't taught to be _victims_, we were taught to be _victors_. I kill because it's my only chance to defend myself, and the ONLY option I posses to atone for whatever sin I committed in the womb. Do not speak to me of the things your pure, untainted mind cannot understand, Remus. I'll win every time."

He released my neck and I gasped for breath, eyes tearing as the oxygen ripped at my throat and ravaged my lungs. I realized that I had just made a big mistake as I saw the limping, wounded silhouette of one angry archangel leave me to my own cowardly thoughts in the horribly spacious room.

I would never make that mistake again.

Ever.

* * *

**A/N:**

1. OMG! CLEAN SNAPE! RUN FOR COVER!

2. Hehe. 3 Yes, they had sex here. Yes, I wrote out the /entire/ scene, but /no, I did not include it in the story. Pity, though, 'cause it would have made this chapter a whole hell of a lot longer. ( Oh well. 3 You love me anyways..

3. Colby, being the sexy beta reader that she is, pointed out that casualties are uhm.. Not death? BUT THEY ARE, COLBY! xD THEY ARE DEATHS! - Squeaks! - Anyways.. 3 Yes, it's a play on the word. Sirius doesn't like hearing it because it says "casual" in it, and he takes it the wrong way, 'cause.. you know.. casualties.. not casual. YEAH. ANYWAYS, I MADE YOU WAIT FOR THIS LONG ENOUGH. xD OH. And you wanna know something funny? xD Okay, Colby is British, and I'm American, so like.. I wrote Rumor and stuff, and humor and what not.. xD And it came back with all her BRITISH-ISMS REPLACED. So Rumor is now rumour and ect. xDD It was so cute! MREE! LOVE YOU COLBY!


	16. Extra

**A/N: - Coughs. - PLEASE READ THIS! IT IS IMPORTANT! - Hides her face! - **This was not beta read, as I'm a little too shy to send this to Colby and ask her to approve my smut. ;; This does not mean you're forgotten, Colby! Merely that I am a dweeb. So, I cut the sex out of the last chapter, and everybody requested it so here it is. It starts from the very beginning of the scene where Sirius is laying on top of Remus. THIS IS NOT THE NEXT CHAPTER! I'm sorry if it's a bit wonky, as I'm not accustomed to writing smut, but I hope you all enjoy it because I did try. And it took me so long because I had so much stuff going on, like going to Otakon and stuff like that, so I'm sorry my lovelies! I hope you enjoy! ; ; So, uhm.. Author Review Response time and then sex, yes? Yes. – Dies and goes to make responses. –

* * *

**Lady-Elizabeth4242** – I know! I know! No excuses! ; ; But here's the lemon to make up for it. I'm sorry!

**Cindered-Hope** - AHAHA! And now you really /can/ say the sex! xD - Gives you sex! –

**HappyDappyDrunk** - That is weird that I updated when you were looking back on it. xD It's kind of sexy, actually. 3 Anyways, it's not really an update, but.. It kind of is? Yuss. Xo

**Liv Naravul** – Ehehe.. My dictionary says that it is. ;; Sorry for the misunderstanding! I'll try not to do it again. Mreee. But to make up for the lack of long chapters, here is four pages of pure smut? ;0; Yeah..

**Noone – **I'm really glad that you like it! Hehe. 3 And I'm glad that you like the way I write him. In the beginning I thought that maybe he was a little too OOC, and some others did too, but meh! Thank you, I hope you keep reading! Smut for you? Yes? xD

**chaeli.meep. – **It's not exactly an update, but maybe it'll make up for my lack of updating? xD Some SiriusRemus Smuttance? - Skittles. –

**embersandenvelopes – **Oh! Thank you for pointing that out, but yes. n.n It shall come together in the end. I'm glad that you like it so far! Please keep reading! n.n

**Tenebra Corvus – **YOUR SMUT! xD - Tosses it! - I gave into your demands even though it left me blushing to all hell! Take it! xD

**RoschLupin-Black – **I shall try! I'm very sorry if I do, though. Real Life has this horribly vice-like grip on me and abuses me whenever it gets the chance. ;0; Stupid life.

**Mars Explorer** – Hello, Mars! Hello, Ejje! xD PLEASE DON'T FREEZE ME! I COME IN PEACE WITH SMUT! - Holds it out as an offering! - And I shall try to update more. ;; I really will.

**Kawaii Thief Kitsune** – Dahaha! xD I'm so glad you like it still! I was reading over the first chapters wondering /how/ you guys continued to read it! Eek! I shall need to do some revamping in the near future.. yes, yes.. Anyways, omg! A SMUT SCENE! xD - HANDS IT OVER. –

**Shadow – **JOOON! I STILL MISS YOU OMG! I NEED YOUR NUMBER STILL. xD I'M SUCH A LOSER! Anyways, I wouldn't recommend reading this little extra 'cause, you know.. boy on boy smex and stuff.. – Coughs. - xD Miss you! Eee!

**Andrea - **I HAVE FAILED AS A WRITER IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT! xD I'm glad you liked the fighting scene, though. I hope you keep reading! ;; And who is this person you mentioned? o I would like to read if they are awesome!

**Rockerita – **Thank you for both of the reviews, though I'm sorry to say I couldn't understand the second one. n.n; Anyways! I hope you keep reading! And again, thank you so, so, so much for the reviews!

**Kuramalovergirl – **It's not exactly an update, but.. It kind of is? xD Anyways! Here you go! Fwee! 3

**Piratesjunkie – **Are you suuuuure? I got it out of the Mormon Doctrine. ANYWAYS I LOVE YOU HI! xD LOOK SMUT DON'T GET CAUGHT READING IT, KAY? - SNUGGLES! - EEK! I miss yooooou! Mrawahahaha!

AND NOW TIME FOR YOUR REQUESTED SMUT, MY DEARS!

* * *

**For You**

**Chapter 14:** _Extra_

* * *

"I can't move," Remus groaned from beneath the weight of Sirius. The latter only chuckled. "Gerroff me, you big oaf."

"I can't move either though, Remmy," Sirius pouted, rocking from side to side a little to emphasize his point. "See? That's all I can do."

"But you're _crushing_ me down into the bed!" Remus insisted.

"And you're crushing me up into the air," came the archangel's witty reply, even as he managed to roll himself off the tawny haired thief and onto his back on the bed. "There, is that better, love?"

"Much." Remus retorted, glancing over at Sirius. There had been no sex to follow the intimacy of their words or actions because Sirius Black had become aware of his wound's will to rest and fallen victim of its persistent pain. Remus, who panicked at Sirius' sudden collapse, had been struggling for twenty minutes to get out from beneath the wounded angel and call for help, even as Sirius insisted that he didn't need it. In the end, Remus had been subdued, and they both agreed not to call the doctor.

"Sirius?" Remus asked, his voice suddenly and uncharacteristically timid.

"What is it, Rem?" Sirius replied, turning a curious gaze over to his captor.

"Did you mean what you said earlier?"

Sirius blinked, genuinely confused at Remus' apparently random question, trying to think back to what he'd said earlier. Did he mean what he'd said earlier..? With a grin, Sirius reached out to tangle his fingers in tawny hair affectionately. He still couldn't remember, but at least he could appease the thief. "I don't lie, Remus."

"Yes you do."

Sirius laughed at the quick retort before pushing himself into a sitting position with a hearty wince. "Not to you."

"To everyone." Remus insisted.

The smile on Sirius' lips was spawned from the devil, to be sure, and when he leaned in to give Remus a slow, delectable kiss on the lips, it was almost more sinful than anything else they'd done. Just the contact sent the both of them spiraling with the way Sirius' teeth caught at Remus' bottom lip and then tugged it out before he meshed his mouth against the thief's.

"But not to you." Sirius replied in a low, sultry voice after pulling back and breaking the kiss. His response was a slow blush from Remus as the befuddled thief fought to remember his point on this particular argument.

"L-Liar," Remus sputtered, having regained enough of his wit to know that Sirius most definitely _was_ an evil, manipulative twit. But, oh! Remus just _couldn't_ think when his fingers were captive in Sirius' mouth and he was doing _that_ to them. Nobody could. "S-Sirius, please don't do--_Oh_!" Sirius' hand had just found its way into Remus' shirt to tickle deliberately slowly over wiry muscles. "Sirius, p-please! You're h-hurt!"

"Shut up," Sirius growled, statement devoid of any threat as he leaned forward to press his lips against Remus' once again. Remus, who had opened his mouth to protest, was quickly silenced as Sirius seized the opportunity and hindered any further arguments with his tongue. Remus _couldn't_ disagree with that. He liked every opportunity he got to taste the powerful leader.

"Mmm… See? You should always just let me win," Sirius cooed, as his fingers found a patch of tawny hair and coiled around it, tugging Remus' head further back so that he could focus on more sensitive parts of his body. Like, for example, the neck, which he was currently nipping down. So pale. So blessedly pale.

Remus always managed to intoxicate Sirius with his innocent responses, with noises that were always tantalizing to the body and the mind. The sound of Remus' breath speeding up made Sirius feel slightly dizzy with his need to touch more of the thief, the encouraging whimpers nearly making him the beast he claimed he'd never be. Remus was like a drug, and Sirius was addicted.

"Sirius?" Remus inquired, moving so that he could look at the archangel with a coy smile curving full lips heavenwards. Sirius, however, was too distracted by the subtle swelling from a kiss ravaged mouth to really hear the question of, "are you really feeling better?"

"'Sirius?"

Instead of responding to Remus' inquiry, Sirius' hand found the base of Remus' neck as he leaned forward to lick lingering saliva away from his thief's mouth. Purring a low "mmm" against the corner of both tiers, Sirius wrapped his other arm around Remus' waist, holding him tight as he slanted his mouth across his counterpart's and tasted, nipping at his bottom lip before pressing a kiss to the side of his neck.

"Sirius," Remus whispered, quickly losing himself to Sirius' mouth as it ravaged that one _sensitive_ part on his neck that always made him melt. And _oh!_ when his fingers bit into his hips like that, possessive but gentle; commanding but patient. "Sirius, you're going to reopen your wounds…"

"I don't care," Sirius said with finality, sitting them both up so that Remus came to a rest straddling either side of his waist and Sirius was trapping the thief's torso against the headboard with both arms. "You do this to me."

Instead of answering, Remus made a small whimper as Sirius' tongue found his Adam's apple, licking across the bulge in his throat before nipping on it and trailing his lips to his ear, tongue flicking inside for a moment to make sure all of his thief's attention belonged to him before he spoke. Each breathy word sent a chill down Remus' spine, making him grab instantly for Sirius' shoulders as the hands on his hips pressed him down against the other's obvious need. "Now you have my attention, Remus," _nip_. "Make the best of it."

"Nn.. Sirius," Remus groaned, one hand falling away from the archangel's shoulder. It was only a matter of seconds before that same hand was back, though this time delivering a handful of left over potatoes to Sirius' face. Biting down on his bottom lip, Remus struggled hard not to burst out laughing when his counterpart shot him a look of exasperation, tongue cleaning up some of the mess just above his top lip. Remus found holding his laughter in to be a losing battle.

"Remus.." Sirius growled playfully, but at the same time agitated. This really was not his morning. Instantly, his own hand was in the helping of mashed potatoes, and with one plea of "Oh no! Please don't, Sirius!" from his conniving thief, Sirius smeared a glob of the food into Remus' face and down his neck with a wicked laugh. "Now we're even."

"No faiiir," the tawny-haired thief whined, instantly gaining his desired reaction from Sirius: surrender. Laughing still, he leaned forward and grasped either side of his counterpart's face between his hands, leaning forward to lick away some of the dinner appetizer. "Mmm.. But at least you taste yummy."

Snorting, Sirius' fingers slithered their way to the tie holding the casual robes tight around his thief's body and jerked it free from its haphazard knot, pulling the fabric away from Remus' body. "You taste yummy without any toppings." He murmured, dipping his head to catch one taunt nipple between his teeth and tug. This elicited one explicit moan from the thief's mouth and then another when he treated the appendage to a soothing lick. "See?"

"Mmm, that feels good," the thief panted just as Sirius' mouth moved to his abdomen and the divide of his tummy was treated to a trail of kisses ending at his naval. Catching the top piece of flesh encircling the small depression on Remus' stomach, Sirius tugged on it subtly and then hooked one hand beneath the slender boy's knee, pushing his leg up just as his lips fell on his inner thigh.

"That tickles, Sirius," Remus whispered, watching the top of Sirius' head through half lidded eyes. Using his tongue to moisten his lips, Remus gave a small, pleasant gasp when Sirius' teeth found a delightfully erotic place, nipping on the rigid flesh experimentally before licking the very tip with an eager tongue. It was enough to turn the younger of the two into nothing more than a pile of nerves. "Mmm, Sirius. More.."

Lifting his head and mouth away from that delicious piece of flesh, Sirius moved himself back into kissing range, mouth at once taking up their pleading counterpart in a heated kiss when his fingers trailed lightly along the side of Remus' erection and his tongue battled the feisty thief's for dominance. It was like delivering yourself into the hands of ecstasy, and both boys were riding high on the drugging effect of impatient, needy kisses; high on a need to taste each other's flesh.

A small whisper of "More, Sirius. Please.." against the archangel's lips was the breaking point. Moving Remus from his lap and back onto the mattress of the bed, Sirius slicked two of his fingers with his own saliva and lowered it to the space between Remus' legs, probing for entrance with practiced patience.

Remus froze momentarily as his body was intruded by the first digit, but almost as quickly let out a shuddery gasp and a small "Mmm…" Rocking his hips against Sirius' hand as the other continued to favor his rigid need with slow strokes, it was only once he'd been penetrated by a third finger that Remus began to feel a bit of discomfort that even Sirius' efficient hand couldn't ebb away.

"Ready? It's going to hurt, but I won't stop." Sirius said gruffly, removing deft fingers and neglecting needy flesh as he moved both hands to grasp the thief's hips.

Nodding his hesitant approval only once, Remus managed a squeaky "Okay," to voice that he'd be a willing participant in this sinful dance of bodies, regardless of how much it would hurt. Right after, Remus made a sharp noise of pain in the back of his throat as the foreign feeling of Sirius filled him up all of the way in one not-so-gentle thrust.

"S-Sirius, wait," Remus gasped, knuckles turning white from his grasp on the sheets beneath him before moving his hands to find the archangel's shoulders and grab onto them with an alarmingly tight grip. "It hurts, don't move."

Lowering his forehead down to rest against Remus', Sirius fought with himself to obey the thief's fervent request, eyes closing as they both attempted to catch the breath that seemed to be eluding them. "Tell me when," he murmured, hands clutching at the sheets to provide some anchor to reality in his precarious state of mind. "I'll only move when you say it's okay."

It took a minute for Remus to wiggle his hips, wrapping his arms tightly around Sirius' neck and burying his face against the crook of his own elbow. "You can go," he whispered, and given the thief's permission, Sirius immediately began to move.

Remus gave a small his again, eyes closing tightly in a futile attempt to force away the gathering tears from his eyes. Slowly, amber hues were revealed again upon a prompting command from Sirius of "Look at me, Remus." And he did, locking gazes with gray as Sirius praised him and drew out of his body again before pushing back in.

It was a tedious act that took all of seven minutes that involved a lot of coaxing on Sirius' part for Remus to keep their eye contact, starting out with slow, generous thrusts that had Remus' head thrown back after a couple of the repetitive steps. It slowly escalated as the act went on, Sirius finding himself unable to cater entirely to Remus' need for a steady, slow pace, and Remus unable to find himself protesting when Sirius was treating both ends to quite the performance. There was a time when Remus closed his eyes and even upon request from Sirius refused to open them, cheeks flushed wholly because of passion and partially because of embarrassment that could only be smothered once Sirius said "Please."

Remus found his release just seconds before Sirius buried himself all of the way inside of his body and reached a peaking climax. Both of them collapsed, catching their breath and entirely spent. For once, they'd had their own piece of heaven.


	17. Snazzle Frop

**A/N**: WOOO! I'M BACK, DID YA MISS ME? Alas! I have not given up hope on this story, no! A _lot_ has happened since my last chapter. My nephew, Noah, was born (he's five months now, and _so_ adorable!), and some other crazy things that are fun for _me_, but would probably bore the rest of you into tears. Plus the drama that everybody has to have: falling out, fights, EVILNESS. xD The end of this month is my birthday! May 31, woohoo! And really, nothing else spectacular to mention. Except that my nephew is CRAZY CUTE. Oh, and my other brother's wife is pregnant—They're having a girl! I'm so EXCITED! Ahh.. And one of my best friends is going to Kuwait soon (he's in the service). _That_ is rather upsetting, but.. Anyways, don't let me stop you lot! Review responses, anybody?

**(P.S. SPESHUL (that's right, _speshul_) THANKS TO COBALT VIOLET! Honestly, she's one of the best writers I know, and the most spazz-worthy beta reader I've ever had the good fortune to come across. Really guys, she's the best, and if you like _my_ fanfics, you've definitely got to go and scope out hers. SHAMELESS PROMOTION FOR COLBY. Hehehe. Anyways, she's the one who makes this readable and coherent and SEXY, so you should all LOVE HER just as much as I do. xD THANK YOU COLBS! I'M NOT WORTHY!)**

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**Matchstick Fighter**: Ha! xD Thank you! I'm glad you thought it was hot, because I was blushing the entire time I was writing it! Heee!

**HappyDappyDrunk**: YES! Action of the bed-kind. xD I'm glad that I could help though, with your lack of reading material situation. Hopefully this time, I'll be doing some other awesome deed without knowing it. 8D

**Kuramalovergirl**: Here is more! I hope you like it, eee!

**Veroro**: I STILL WANT MY JACKET! But, aaah! I love you, girl. I gotta hook up with you some time, it's been _forever_ since the last time I saw you.

**Tenebra Corvus**: Eee! xD If only it were that simple. It's not that I'm afraid to use it, just that it's such a vulgar word that I'm personally not very fond of it. Besides, you know.. :x IT WAS MY FIRST TIME. I'm sorry, I'll try harder! xD

**Scarlet Schizo**: Wow, I don't think you know how good that just made me feel. Thank you _so_ much for the compliment. I hope you like this chapter just as much as you liked the others!

**Mars Explorer**: Here Cal, more chapters! PLEASE DON'T EAT MY HOUSE! I like it here. And here, Ejje. I bought you some tissues! ;; Please don't cry! (And yes, thank you for the _lovely_ reviews. xD They amuse me every time.)

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**Disclaimer:** Unless J.K. Rowling decides that I'm worthy of Harry Potter ownage, the characters never are, and never will be mine. How unfortunate, because I would really have loved to do evil, official things to them.

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**For You**

**Chapter 15: **_ Snazzle Frop_

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Severus had that tell-tale sneer on his lips as he managed to untangle himself from a heap of sheets and limbs, willing himself away from the mess of sticky leftovers and tasteless layers of sweat smeared upon the velvet linen of sheets. He managed to pull himself away from Lucius with little more than the creak of a sturdy mattress under a sudden shift of weight and an incoherent murmur as the consul turned back over and continued to dream.

Severus stared quietly, contemplating for just a moment exactly what it was that went on behind that viciously cruel angel's eyes. Who died, and lived; who breathed and cried when those eyes were closed and veiled from the outside world? Who did Lucius kill, and who did he care enough about to resurrect? Surely if he opened his eyes in that moment of passive slumber, Severus would be able to see all of those dirty secrets and well-kept lies lurking just below Lucius's composed expression; laughing, mocking him.

Turning away, Severus gave a languid stretch, reveling at the way wiry muscles rippled, going taut and then lax when his arms fell back to his sides. It never ceased to completely ensnare him, the body. He was endlessly amazed at how powerful so small a vessel could be, the way muscles played under his skin whenever he took a step, the intricate and impossibly complicated coordination each cord displayed in a haven safe from prying eyes.

It was silent footfalls that led him from the master bedroom and out into the elaborately over-decorated house, eyes falling over the vanilla coloring on the walls and the golden twists of carefully thought out patterns to swallow up some of the vast bleakness. "You can afford all of this," he murmured to himself, eyes tracing each curl of rich plaster that told stories of its own. "and you can't afford to save your own people."

Tactfully avoiding the mirrors aligned all around the halls, he moved back into the guest room, eyes falling on the clothes that had somehow found their way, clean, onto the bed. Hadn't Lucius sent all of his servants home today? Hadn't he said he'd given them a vacation? Another sneer and he was across the room with three easy strides, standing at the foot of the well kept bed to grab his warrior garments and place them where they belonged: over his body.

They might have been clean, but there was still the lingering smell of sweat and blood and unshed frustration from too many long days and too many cold nights out on the battlefield. The garb was tainted, Severus mused, and that was one thing no amount of water or soap could wash away.

Clucking his tongue distastefully against the top of his mouth, Severus picked up the heavy boots designed for easy treading and long wear during combat, before sitting himself carefully on the edge of the bed. He had just finished lacing them, pulling the thick leather guard over his boots, when he looked up and, for the first time in a long while, caught sight of himself in the gaudy mirror pinned to the wall. He stared for a long moment, and that somehow beautiful, but asinine reflection stared back with the same swollen lips and the same weary eyes. His reflection had the same pale features, and the same black hair pulled up into tiny braids at either side of his head, meeting at the back, left to tumble into the remaining mess of hair free and unhindered. (1)

This was Severus Snape as nobody else was allowed to see him. Clean, unguarded, young and vulnerable. This wasn't the battle scarred angel that had few lovers and fewer friends. This was simply Severus Snape. Severus Snape with an expression as open as the day he was born--the child that was never allowed to live and had been smothered by the heel of his father's sleek boots year after year. Severus Snape who watched his own blood gather on floors and stain Daddy's ebony heels with an almost haunting shade of crimson. _This_ was Severus Snape as nobody would ever be allowed to see him again.

"Leaving so soon?" came a particularly husky drawl from the figure draped lazily against the doorframe. Lucius was staring him down with sleep heavy eyes and a passion-swollen mouth. "I thought you were going to stick around for a while."

"Black is expecting me," Severus replied dully, tearing his gaze away from his mimicking reflection and settling them solely upon Lucius Malfoy. "and our Lord is expecting me to await his every beck and call."

Moving with liquid grace to stand over Severus, to reach out a hand and touch at the uncommonly clean hair framing his lover's face, Lucius stood and bent until he was nose to nose with Snape and smiling with an everyday cruelty. "And does Black make you cry out and beg for more like I do?"

"Get away from me," Snape snarled darkly, flinging out a hand to slap Malfoy's away from his face. "I have no room for a jealous lover in my line of work, Lucius."

"Of course not," the consul quipped, lips curling in an unsightly way that always left a bitter taste in Snape's mouth. "you're a warrior, Severus. I can't expect you to do more than what your duty calls for."

"We both understand then," Severus replied smoothly, getting to his feet and dodging around the taller, but just as slim man's body. "And you will have no problem with me getting back to my work."

Words. Angry words that lashed out like whips and bit into creamy flesh, tearing away perfection to leave nothing more than angry scars that stood out defiantly and cried for retaliation; words that gave birth to avengers(2), that lapped away happiness and replaced it with a morbid kind of determination to scream back or prove the offender wrong. Severus had never heard Lucius sound so angry before, and he doubted that he ever would again.

_Just the same,_ Snape thought to himself as he moved for the front door. _I don't have time for this._

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"Snape," Sirius growled, looking up from a stack of papers that had piled up over his weeks of being a gimp. "Can't say that I'm ever happy to see you, be it because I don't like you, or be it because you always have bad news to relay."

"Yes, well. I'm here to kill you, Black. Don't tempt me into _really_ joining the Dark Lord's ranks and making his one dream come true."

"He really wishes to off me that bad, does he?"

"Like you wouldn't imagine."

No, there were no formalities exchanged between the two once behind the privacy of closed doors. It was no secret that they both harbored a strong hate for each other, but it was an unspoken understanding that they would do anything just to keep each other alive. Severus did it because of his loyalties; Sirius did it because he was a leader.

"Then, what's the news from the front lines? And, dear God, Snape. You're clean!"

"I'd rather not talk about my cleanliness, if it's all the same to you," Severus drawled out, shifting in his seat so that he could put his boots up on Sirius' table and right into an important pile of paper. Sirius gave the tactician a dirty sneer, but was otherwise silent. "Though I do have some information that I'm sure will peak your interest. The Dark Lord's ranks are falling, and if we keep up a forward attack, this war will probably be over sooner than we think."

"_Probably_ doesn't justify sending half of my men to their graves," Sirius murmured, though for a moment, he looked nothing short of pensive. It was everybody's dream to get this battle under control, but Sirius wasn't willing to put his men's lives on the line for such a shaky assurance. There would be no unnecessary risks, and there would be no mistakes. "But you really think we've scattered his men enough for a possible victory?"

"Unless he's called in men behind my back, Black, this war is practically going to be handed to us."

Smiling, Sirius got to his feet just as there was a heavy knock at the door. Having a gut feeling that he knew exactly who was behind it, the archangel extended his hand out for Snape and gave a curt nod of his head. "Godspeed, then. Wouldn't want anybody to know you're doing some unnecessary fraternizing with the enemy."

Snape took Sirius's hand and shook it before leaving his chair as well. "Godspeed."

Just as Sirius thought, as soon as Severus threw open the door to leave, Remus pummeled into the man with a yelp and a hearty glare. There were things that you could beat out of people, but beating the feistiness out of a thief was proving to be damn near impossible. As soon as Remus realized that the sudden wall wasn't Sirius, however, the glare vanished and was replaced with a rather friendly smile—much to Sirius's disdain.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't looking where I was—"

"Snape, you can _go_ now."

There was no hiding the look of confusion that came crystal clear across Snape's face, and just as quickly vanished. Severus caught Sirius's gaze with his own, and there was amusement in the depths of his eyes, but the spy's face remained impassive otherwise.

"I see," he drew out, and then nodded his head to the tawny-haired delinquent.

"Who was that?" Remus asked, shooting a curious glance over his shoulder. Sirius merely shrugged at his hostage—no, _lover's_ reaction before resuming his seat and gathering up a choice few papers in his hands.

"He works for me. Severus Snape. You know Lucius Malfoy, don't you?"

That brought a tell-tale little frown onto Remus's lips before he took the seat that Snape had been occupying only moments before. Bringing his hands down in his lap, Remus took the time to inspect his surroundings with a keen eye, and then focused back on the man sitting across from him. "How could I forget? You _stole_ me from him, didn't you?"

"I didn't steal anything, Remus. _Thieves _steal things, and the last time I checked, you were the one that fell under that category. But my point was that Severus is Lucius's lover. I thought you would know that."

Instead of acting shocked or disgusted, Remus just arched one brow and then gave a secretive little smile as he sunk lower into his seat, thumbs coming together and twiddling as he decided that he wanted to _tease_ the oh-so-powerful leader of heaven's militia.

"Steal things, Sirius? Like your heart?"

Well, if the thief had been hoping to send Sirius blushing and into confession like some giddy school girl, he would be sorely disappointed when the archangel cracked a _smile_ with the very promising words of, "Don't go to sleep tonight, Remus. You might find that James and I can be rather devious when we choose."

"JAMES!" Remus shouted, coming up and out of his chair fast enough to send the seat toppling over in his wake. "Have you seen him, Pollux? Is he okay?"

"_Sirius_," he corrected, frowning. Really, Sirius could play off that there were no ill-feelings between himself and his bedmate, but the way little things were setting him off was enough to tell him that he was still angry. "And yes, I have. He's perfectly healthy and fine enough to _try_ and best me in a game of Snazzle Frop."

"Snazzle Frop?" Remus mirrored, looking entirely more confused than Sirius had expected. "What exactly is Snazzle Frop?"

"I could tell you," Sirius replied slyly. "But then I'd have to kill you."

"How original," Remus said dryly, giving a quick roll of his eyes. "Really, though. I've been around and through more houses than you can count, Sirius, and I've never heard of Snazzle Frop. What is it?"

"Well, it's simple. James and I created it, but I won't boast. Basically what you do is—"

BAM. Sirius and Remus both snapped their heads up as soon as the door to Sirius' office flew open for what had to be the umpteenth time that night. It was James.

"Sirius," the tousle-haired archangel panted, leaning against the frame and pointing down the hall with one hand while clutching tightly to his chest with the other. "It's Lily. She's completely lost it."

"Lost it, mate?"

"I think Lily's going crazy, Sirius, and I don't mean in the funny kind of way."

Remus was the first to leave his seat.

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**A/N**: I know, I know. Evil ending, as always. xD AND DUUN DUN DUUUUUN. Clean Snape. Wasn't he SEXY? Hee. 

ALSO! Because I've been neglecting all of my dears (how horrible of me!), I've come up with an idea. How about you all throw out an idea for a quick drabble, side story, or whatever it is that you want, and I'll post those inbetween the individual chapters. Feel free to do this after every update! Not just once, and everybody is allowed to do it! Please, it will help me lots and make me feel less bad for my slowness. xD

(1) Clean Snape, YES! Colby suggested I make it so that it's more understandable that he's looking like a manbeast because of well.. His angelic-ness. I want to point out, that COLBY IS RIGHT. And I would, but I couldn't think of ANY WAY to re-word it. I'm so sorry if my delectable dears have troubles with this! I'll try not to make the greasy git _too_ terribly candy-eye-able. (I just wanted to give him some love for once.)

(2) Yes, the word Avengers as in people who get revenge. Colby pointed out this was a little confusing (like any good beta reader should!), so I just wanted to explain it. You know, how like if somebody is like, "YOUR FACE" then you have to get revenge and say something like, "OH YEAH? WELL YOUR MOM" and then they retort with something not so witty like, "OVERRULED ON THE GROUNDS OF YOUR FACE". Yeah.. Kind of like that. xD Only I'm talking the people who go CRAZAY and try to beat you up for making fun of their Mom (or their face, whatever). xD Much love, dears! And I hope you enjoy this chapter!


	18. Delusions

**A/N: **Thank you, everybody, for the reviews! Sorry for taking forever, a lot of stuff has happened! My brother crashed his motorcycle and broke his vertebrae in two different places, suffered a concussion, and had lacerations and road rash all over his body and the bottoms of his feet (thank God he's fine though). One of my best friends, Kanna, flew out from California when this happened, before of course, and stayed here for a week, and then, in August, my sister in law, Seana, had my niece, Katelyn! She's so, so cute, you guys. SO CUTE. LIKE MY NEPHEW NOAH CUTE. After that, I flew out to California in September and stayed out there visiting my best friend, Quarla, for a week shy of a month. We went to Disneyland in October with my parents from the 2nd to the 4th! Woohoo! Also, while at Disneyland, my sister informed us that she TOO is having a baby! Waaah! Another niece of nephew on the way! I'm so behind the times. And on the 18th of this month, my nephew is turning a year old! My friend Quarla bought me WoW, or World of Warcraft, if you know what that is, and I _love_ it (she's a GM for the game!). It's very, very distracting. Does anybody else play? Let me know! I wanna play with you!

AHEM. Onto the point: My muse for this story has been laying at rest for a while now. This isn't the /full/ next chapter, but because I can't think of anything more, I'm going to post it, unbeta'd, to tide everybody over. Like I said, my pretties, _please_ send me reviews with a drabble you want written. I can write those while my muse continues to be on strike. Anyway, without further ado, here's the.. uh.. next chapter? (I WAS SERIOUS ABOUT THE WORLD OF WARCRAFT THING, YOU GUYS)

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**For You**

**Chapter 16: **_Delusions_

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I couldn't explain what I was seeing, why Lily was acting the way she was. I'd been on my way from Sirius' room when I heard screaming; the kind that chilled you to the very core with a type of gripping terror that you just _knew_ belonged to the person you were hearing, not yourself. But it was Lily, it was Lily's scream that tore down the halls, chasing away phantoms and cobwebs, and I was the only one standing in the corridor who could get there quick enough to save her.

I hadn't even stopped to think about myself when I went crashing through the library door, greeted by an almost appalling sight as Lily curled slowly into herself on the floor, body in a fetal position as her own hands tore at her face, her neck, her chest. I felt bile rising up and into my throat as distant, delusional eyes turned slowly onto me, seeing beyond me at first, and then focusing in.

"Remus," she said, voice sounding suddenly light, hysterical, but light. There was the shadow of a smile on her lips, trying to be one, but unable to come into existence, wavering with effort. "Remus, it's you."

"Lily," I said softly, feeling my voice catch in my throat so that it came out on a quiet breath. I wasn't even sure if she'd heard me, because I'd hardly heard myself.

"Remus, it's really you. Remus, you're.. It's you. Remus, where have you been, why were you..?" Lily continued, voice shaking as she pushed herself onto her hands and knees with some effort. Her eyes never left mine, clouded with tears to dance around and exaggerate all of that helpless fear that was in them. "Remus it's really you."

What could I do? I dropped to my knees, moving slowly after her with one arm extended. I felt tears burning in my own eyes, but not because I was scared. For her, maybe, but not for myself. My chest and throat felt tight, I had to concentrate to speak, and even then my words were feeble, my voice weak. "It's really me, Lily."

The moment our hands touched, her expression changed from hysterical wonderment to pure fear again, and she leaned in fast—too fast. She caught at my collar with her other hand and pulled herself against me, chest working in breathless sobs that did little more than come out in wheezing puffs of air against my chest. "Remus, you have to save me. You have to save me Remus."

Pulling back, she looked up at me, trust clouded over again with that logicless fear, and slowly it turned to something more. Something more frightening, something even I couldn't understand. And then she was screaming, throwing her hand out and shoving herself away from me as if to ward off a blow as all that screaming started again.

"No. Oh, God, no. YOU'RE NOT REMUS, YOU'RE NOT REMUS. KILLER, ABOMINATION, FILTH. YOU'RE A MONSTER. A MONSTER. WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY REMUS?"

"Lily, it's me.." I said, helpless as I backed slowly away from her, but the small motion set her off, and she was flying at me with her hands clawed. Those nails fell on my face, tearing away at flesh and leaving me to cry out as I tried to shove her hands away. I might've been a thief, and I might have been good at fighting, but I was nothing against a warrior, even a crazed one. "Lily, stop, please! It's me! It's Remus!"

But it was useless. My pleas were lost behind her furious shrieks, and struggling, it took me a second to realize that suddenly there were no hands on me, that suddenly the room was too quiet, and turning wide, blind eyes upwards, I found Sirius standing over a limp Lily. He'd knocked her out, and he looked furious.

"What the fuck—" he began, but James cut him off as he came huffing around the corner.

"Sirius," he said, looking from his leader to Lily and then at me. "Dear God, Remus. Are you okay?"

I could only nod, slack jawed. What had just happened? What happened to Lily. "Sirius, what…?"

"I don't know, Remus. James, get him over to the healers and _fast_."

"But what about Lily?"

"I don't have _time_ for you to argue with me," Sirius spat at James, that arrogant leader shining through as he leaned down to heft Lily up and over his shoulder. "Get him out of here _now_."

James looked torn, but obediently he gave a slight bow to show submission, and then moved slowly over towards me, extending out one hand to me. I took it, feeling my body suddenly go numb with shock. "Can you stand?"

"I don't think so."

James just pulled me slowly to my feet, so focused on me that I didn't even realize Sirius was gone until I'd looked up and found the room empty. "James, where is he taking her?"

"I don't know, but if she's with him, I don't doubt she's safe."

"You have to take me to her."

But there was a sadness in James' eyes when he turned his eyes onto me and gave me a sad, knowing smile. He wouldn't do it, not if Sirius didn't want him to, and I knew right then and there that beyond a doubt, James was more loyal to that beautiful angel than I'd ever be able to understand. And he was completely in love with Lily. "I'm sorry, Remus."

Yeah. I'm sorry too.

* * *

"Poison," Severus said, drawing back from the girl that Sirius had placed haphazardly on his working desk. Sirius had never left the room, and he'd been right not to. His leader knew right where to find him, and had come to him first. "It's a magic poison, not something just brewed. I can't tell you anything more than that, Sirius. I've never seen the likes of it."

"Who the hell would have had a chance to poison her, Severus? She hasn't left the palace since I found out she was a woman, and she's only been around my servants."

"And your little trick," Severus reminded him, lips curling just slightly in a sneer of disapproval, "don't forget him."

"She was attacking him, Severus. I don't think he would put himself in harm's way just because of that. He didn't even come here willingly."

"And that's not incentive enough? I'm a double spy, Sirius. I put myself on the line all of the time just to prove to one or the other that I'm 'loyal' to them."

Sirius looked thoughtful a moment, but shook his head. "You're a dangerous man, Severus. Remus is too honest in his feelings to pull something over like that. He's not subtle, he's tactless."

"Charades."

"I doubt it."

There was an uncomfortable, uneasy silence that stretched, pregnant, until James came through the door. "I took him down to the healers. They're taking a look at him now, but they don't think it's anything too serious. It'll leave scars, though."

"Perfect," Sirius spat, and then looked down at Lily. "I should have just killed her when I had the chance."

"Nobody is going to die," James said very flatly. "No harm, no foul. What's wrong with her, Severus?"

"Poison, and I don't know what kind."

"Well shit," James said, bringing his hands to his face and squeezing the bridge of his nose. "Can you go be a good little spy and get the information for us?"

"I could," Severus said slowly, thoughtful, "but Voldemort would have told me about this before hand. I'm his right hand, James. Maybe he didn't have anything to do with this."

"So it's a personal vendetta," Sirius said, looking just how he sounded: unbelieving. "Who would want Lily dead?"

"Maybe it's not Lily they want dead," Severus said, eyes going to James for a moment. James raised his chin just slightly, a sign of defiance at that subtle accusation. They were always trying to pin _something_ on the other, "but somebody else."

"You're the only one here who knows how to brew magic, Severus," James said, voice cool.

"And you're one of the only two people Lily trusts enough to get close to her."

"Remus," James said suddenly, looking at the archangel across from him. "Sirius, who else could it be but Remus?"

"Somebody else who thinks with their head and not with their heart," Severus said suddenly, drawing James' attention. "I hate to admit it, but I already told you my feelings on the matter, Sirius, and James came to that conclusion on his own."

"It wasn't Remus," Sirius said, face screwing up in anger as his fist came down hard just beside Lily's body. "He doesn't know anything about anything aside from slipping things into his pocket and making a stealthy get away."

"How do you know he's not working for Malfoy?" Severus voiced quietly, sounding suddenly small and unsure himself.

"How do you know he is?"

"I don't."

"No false accusations," James concluded, though his face said he hardly liked the decision, "but there's somebody right under our noses who's brewing trouble, and that means everybody's a suspect."

What could Sirius do? James was right, and without any solid proof as to Remus' innocence, his little thief was on the list as well.


	19. Liar Liar

I'm sorry for the dreadful wait. A year is a long time, I know, but I get the chapters out to you as fast as my muse will allow. I beg that you please take the time out to read at least the notes at the very end of this chapter if nothing else. As always, special thanks to Cobalt Violet, who always makes these chapters coherent and presentable. I'd be lost without her, and I'm sure all of you would be too.

**Angelike Riddle**: Nothing ever bodes well for Remus in this fic, does it? Lol, thank you so much for the review, darling. I'm sorry I've made you wait so long for this.

**Gooey**: Yes! I do believe I remember you! Thank you SO MUCH for coming back, though. One of my best friends even told me that it was too religious for her taste, but I guess the only defense I can give is that it's a storyline, not me standing on a soapbox preaching my religion. Thankyou for the review and the motivation to help kick my muse into gear! You really helped!

**Pafoof**: It's an idea that's been in my head for a very long time. It actually started out as an original fiction, but I transformed it into a fanfic instead. I'm really glad that you like it. Here's another chapter, please read more!

**Dranzen**: I'm so glad you enjoy it! And yes, I rather (secretly) enjoy my Snape myself. I'd definitely take him home with me if I saw him sitting in a bar some place. It's nice to know that my efforts paid off though. The hardest part about writing fanfiction is keeping the characters _in character_, don't you think? As for the wings, well… They can be very fun and useful during (coughsexcough) every day activity, but they can most definitely fold back. I guess maybe some day I should explain this in my story! Thank you so much for the review and the idea, darling! I hope you're well!

* * *

**For You**

**Chapter 17**: Liar, Liar

* * *

_liar, liar, house of fire  
and the glass tastes messy; chew it louder  
bet your tummy hurts you, you motherfucker  
mother never loved you  
father touched you with the hand of God --  
he's gripping tighter  
saying you will burn in hell, they say  
you will burn in hell  
_

_liar, liar, pants on fire  
liar, liar, stop your soul from catching  
fire, fire, God and maker  
liar, liar, you fucking liar_

_**The Used - Liar Liar (Burn In Hell)**  
_

* * *

Nobody had ever expected him to make it--not this far. Remus himself would've sworn only five minutes before that his walk down the red carpet would be a walk of shame, not his first step into a better, brighter, more promising future. The war was over. The war was over, Sirius was victorious, and everywhere around them people were rejoicing. Today was a day of celebration, to forget the dark world that'd taken them hand-in-hand to the light. Tomorrow they would grieve for the lives they'd lost, the countless they'd sacrificed. Today was not a day to remember; to mourn. Today was a day reserved for elation. 

Today was for freedom.

"You did it," Remus breathed. "It's over. Sirius, it's over! Everything, all of it! We won!"

"We won!" Sirius echoed, shocked enthusiasm coaxing a smile onto his lips. It was almost as if he were hearing the news for the very first time. "Remus, it's all over!"

Cries sounded all around them, jubilant, free; joy unhindered by fear. Nothing could stop them. Their leader was ferocious, beautiful, and powerful. Sirius had won them their freedom. Sirius was their strength.

Sirius was their symbol of hope, the foundation they built upon for victory.

"James, we did it!"

Remus turned, to follow the line of Sirius's eyes to a ragged James, who smiled crookedly and with exhaustion. Wordlessly the shaggy-haired archangel moved to hug his closest friend, to congratulate him breathlessly. And behind him was Severus, just as beautiful in his elation as the rest of them.

But where was Lily?

It didn't make sense; the scene around him was too light and happy for such troublesome thoughts. How could he care so much where Lily was, when she was safe and free? No matter how Remus looked at it, there was no need to think about where she was. She was here, somewhere, celebrating like the rest, and just as happy.

But as Remus turned back to Sirius, it was with a sharp pang to his gut that he realized something was terribly wrong. All around them, darkness poured in like a ravenous creature, thirsting for light with an ominous intent to kill anything standing in its way.

And Sirius. He was too bright. Sirius was going to be consumed by the blanket of hatred sweeping in around them, and Remus was mortified to find them all unaware of its approach. How could they breathe, talk, live with this terrible emptiness creeping in on them so rapidly? (1)

"—" Remus opened his mouth, to cry out a warning, to pull everybody's attention back to what was important, and real, and perched like a cat in waiting just on the edge of their happiness. But there were no words. It was as if somebody had first stolen the thief's ability to speak, and then taken his hearing right after.

Sirius's mouth was working, moving, talking to James. James was smiling, lost in happiness, nodding in acknowledgment of his best friend's words, but there _were no words_. There was nothing, and, suffocating, Remus suddenly realized that he couldn't breathe.

The heavy darkness was asphyxiating him; punishing him for noticing its presence and trying to warn the others, however unsuccessful. Remus was going to die here, unnoticed, and so was everybody else.

And there, just as his surroundings swam out of view, as his sight was stolen from him as well, he saw Lily. She was there, just under the canopy of a shop, clutching something tight to her chest and screaming. Remus couldn't hear her either, but she reached for him, and Remus fell, abducted by dark and stolen from the light; riding on a wave of crimson that turned from a carpet beneath him into a sea of blood.

And then he was drowning.

* * *

"Remus, wake up." 

I could hear.

"Remus, wake up!"

I could feel.

"Remus, you have to wake up!"

I could see; light was creeping in the side of my eyes, fading as quickly as it came.

"Remus, breathe you idiot!"

And I found myself no longer grasping in a futile effort to pull myself free from a sanguine(2) grave. I could breathe, and shakily I surfaced on the shores of reality, teetering away from the horrors of my nightmare with a start.

"Sirius," I gasped, eyes wild and frantic—or so I was later told—as I searched for my beautiful lover; seeking my best friend. "Lily."

"They're fine," the voice was calm, but cold. I wasn't used to this voice, with scratching cruelty buried beneath forced civility. It was female, with a suppressed edge of hysteria to it. I'd only ever heard it once, and never had I seen a face to associate it with. "Calm down."

When I'd settled enough to take in what I was seeing, she was sitting just there on a chair placed in the space between my own bed and Lily's. She wasn't ugly, but there was a cruel, cynical edge that rejected beauty, and a maniacal gleam that was poorly hidden in her eyes. For all the differences, though, something about her reminded me of Sirius.

Just across from her, a shocking opposite, though she had the same edge of cruelty—only less severe—was a blonde woman. She stared at me, unshaken, but disturbed. Everything about her was piercing.

"Who are you?" I asked lamely, taking in their appearance. The blonde seemed more proud than the brunette opposite, and inclined her head as I spoke. She averted her eyes down to the work in her hands, and ignored me.

"I'm Bellatrix," came the eerily girlish reply from the brunette. It was as if she was trying to soothe me, to sound more the part of a nurturer or a friend than her appearance gave her credit for. It didn't work, not with the myriad of emotions flitting across her face as she spoke—none of them sane. She looked… excited. "And that's my darling sister Narcissa. Isn't that right, Cissy? We serve under Lord Pollux."

Bellatrix cooed her delight at this last part, though it was a harsh camouflage for the resentment that leaked out with her words. The last three words were bitter, and mocking. "We're his cousins."

I looked at Narcissa, but she didn't seem interested in the conversation between Bellatrix and myself. "What are you two doing here?"

"We're nurse maids," Bellatrix said, and then as if to confirm it, "isn't that right, Cissy?"

Narcissa only looked up for a moment, eyes flitting from Bellatrix to me, and then she nodded once—sharply—before returning to her handiwork. I got the distinct, sudden feeling that she didn't want to be involved in any of this. She looked as if she'd have preferred to be anywhere but at the foot of my bed and in the company of her sister.

"Oh." Ill at ease, I settled back against my pillow and swallowed down air. Then it hit me. "Did something happen to me?"

I hadn't been in bed before.

Bellatrix turned innocent eyes on me, the kind that screamed guilty even as she batted her lashes and opened her mouth as if alarmed that I was asking. "You collapsed, don't you remember?"

Warily, I nodded my head once. I didn't remember, but the last image repeating through my mind didn't leave room for argument. I'd been with James, panicked about Lily, and then there was an uncomfortable blankness after. It was as if I was forgetting something important, some piece to the puzzle that had been there only moments before.

Bellatrix screwed her face up into what I assumed to be a smile, but it looked more like a grimace than anything. There was nothing about her presence that calmed me down. Instead, she put me on edge. Something about her seemed unstable.

"Water," she said after a moment, pushing a glass she'd been holding before up into my line of sight. I stared dumbly at the object, and then reached out against my better judgment to take it.

"Thank you," I said softly, distracted. I'd resolved not to drink it—not until Sirius was here at least. "Where is Siri—Pollux, I mean? Where is Lord Pollux?"

"On business, now drink up. You'll need it for your strength."

But something about her voice was too eager. I smiled weakly, shook my head, and held the glass back out for her to take. I wanted nothing to do with her strange concoction, even though she claimed it to be just water. "I'm not very thirsty, but thank you."

"No, I insist," Bellatrix pressed, pushing the glass back towards me without relieving it from my hands. Something about her insistence wasn't right. It was too demanding. "How do you expect to recover if you don't even take care of yourself?"

But again, I rejected the advice. I held the glass back out for her, and when she pushed my hand back towards me again in a flourish of frustration, I resigned myself to setting it on the table next to my bed. Before the bottom of the glass hit the top, however, she was on me, voice hysteric.

"Drink it, damn you!" she shrieked, startling even Narcissa, who looked up wide-eyed from her work. She looked as if she wanted to move, or say something, but then there was a determined set to her lips, even as her eyes looked on disapprovingly.

"No!" I shouted, suddenly furious. I shoved Bellatrix away from myself, shoving at covers and stumbling backwards out of my bed. I tried my best not to get tangled in the sheets, but found myself on my back regardless.

Bellatrix was there, crouched and looking at me hungrily. Excitement danced in her eyes, curling the edges of her lips up as she panted in delight. Narcissa, too, had moved; she was on her feet now, instead of in her chair.

"Bellatrix," came the sharp voice from the blonde, commanding respect, but somehow weary and frightened. "Stop it."

"Shut up," the brunette crowed at her sister, advancing on me. I backed up, but to no avail. There was no space to move, and I found myself with my back to the wall. "I want him."

_Come on, Remus_, I coaxed myself, _you've escaped situations worse than this. Think, Remus. Think_.

"You're going to get caught," Narcissa suddenly said in an undertone, urgent and more afraid now than before. "He won't be pleased with you, if you get us found out."

I didn't understand the cryptic message, and for a moment, I wasn't so sure that Bellatrix did either. She took another stop towards me, ready to pounce, and then suddenly relaxed. There was a high, hysterical laughter that rung around in my ears, and she was moving back to her chair in a graceless dance of limbs. "Did I frighten you, poor, pathetic creature?"

Narcissa stared at me for a moment, and then turned her eyes back onto the bed. She said nothing, but resumed her seat and previous occupation. This time, however, it didn't seem like she was concentrating on what she was doing. It was too sloppy, the way she moved her knitting needles, and the intricate pattern that was on her creation only moments before was becoming distorted and ugly.

For a moment, I didn't move away from the wall, but Bellatrix no longer seemed interested in me. She was rocking herself, eyes closed and humming along to a melody I'd never heard before. My only thought was to get out of there, but then I remembered Lily. I looked at her motionless in her bed, separated from me by the two women. I couldn't leave without her. Where was Sirius? Where was James? Were they really so unaware of the personalities they'd left to look us over?

And then I was saved from my predicament by the sliding open of the door right next to me. I jerked my head back and to the side too fast, knocking it into the wall, but the person who walked through the door made the pain dull considerably. It was Sirius, beautiful Sirius with his glorious black wings trailing in behind him.

I watched, captivated, as one feather fell free from the rest of its ebony siblings, and floating with a dying grace to the floor beside my feet. Sirius noticed me first, taking me in before his eyes hesitantly moved to Bellatrix and Narcissa instead. There was no denying the faint sneer that found its way onto his lips in the wake of his two cousins, and almost immediately, he had a finger pointed towards the door.

"Out," he told them both, voice leaving no room for argument. I watched as Narcissa stilled in her work, motionless only a moment before gathering her few belongings and gaining her feet. She didn't pause to exchange one word between herself and the archangel standing in the way of her only exit, but she waited patiently as he moved aside, allowing her to pass without question.

And then there was Bellatrix, who looked smug, and angry, and elated all at once. I didn't know how it was possible to display so many emotions in one look, but she pulled it off. I realized in that moment that I hadn't been so far off base in thinking that Bellatrix was unstable. She was insane.

"Sirius," she crooned out, voice mocking, in that she used a tone reserved for children. Sirius stiffened noticeably, lips drawing back to reveal a gleaming row of teeth gritted together. "We were just keeping an eye on them like we were told to do."

More elegant now than before, she was on her feet, leaning over my side table to grab her glass of water and bring it to her own lips. There was a shrug, a secretive, threatening glance in my direction, and then she was gone with her 'water' in tow.

"Sirius," I breathed, relief leaking from every pore as I turned to face the dark-haired man beside me and reached without thinking to clutch at his shoulders, to pull myself into a hug. I hadn't even realized that I'd missed touching this man, or that I longed to feel his arms wrap back around me and have his lips pressed against mine.

But Sirius didn't hug me back, or tell me that everything was going to be okay. There were no assuring kisses to make the hard press of his body against mine seem kinder somehow. He stiffened, hardly daring to breathe, and then held me out at arm's length with eyes that scrutinized without trust.

"Remus, what are you doing in here with Lily?"

"I woke up here," I said softly, confused. Didn't James take me here? But Sirius wouldn't let Lily and I be together; James wouldn't take me to Lily. Realization hit me hard, brought on by a wave of intuition. He suspected me. I couldn't believe it, almost choked on the realization, and drew away from Sirius like a wounded animal. "What are you getting at, Sirius?"

For a moment, Sirius didn't move, not even a bat of his lashes before he lowered his eyes and shook his head. "You shouldn't be here," he said gently, and took me into his arms this time, crushing me to his chest as he found the hair on top of my head with his mouth and nose. "You really shouldn't be here, Remus." (3)

I relaxed in his embrace, burying my face into his shoulder and inhaling the soothing scent of his skin. He smelled of cinnamon, sugar, and the soft promise of death. It was alluringly frightening, just like the rest of him: beautiful, but tainted.

"I just woke up here, Sirius. I swear. I was with James and then… And then I don't remember anything. I just woke up here; and Bellatrix… She's crazy, Sirius. I thought she was going to kill me—and her water!"

I sprung back from Sirius, who looked at me startled and then relaxed his embrace enough to let me go when I persisted in my escape. "Sirius, that water she had! I don't… I can't say for sure that it was more than water, but she lost it when I refused to drink it, and she was being so pushy…"

I didn't even realize that I'd been flailing my hands around to animate my explanation until Sirius caught them with a small, breathy laugh, and stilled them against his chest. "She drank from it herself, Remus. You saw her with your own eyes."

And I had. I'd seen the way she made a show of bringing it to her lips, but I shook my head. Something was missing. There was something malevolent in her look, in her persona that didn't sit well with me. "I don't trust her, Sirius. They said something about 'him' getting upset if they were found out. Who is 'him'?"

This piqued the interest of the archangel before me. One eyebrow rose, and then fell, and he was smiling again. It was infuriating, the way he always seemed to be one step ahead of me, or belittling the conclusions I conjured up. "Nobody trusts her, Remus. As for 'him'… They were probably talking about me. They probably thought I'd be angry if I found out they'd moved you into the same room with Lily."

There was an uncomfortable silence that impregnated the room around us, swelling until I forced away the awkwardness by turning to stare at Lily's bed. "Why don't you trust me?" I asked, so soft I wasn't sure he heard me; I could hardly even hear myself.

"I want to," Sirius replied, startling me, "but we can't trust anybody at this point, Remus. Even James is a suspect."

I didn't understand where all the hurt came from. It was a perfectly logical response to the times around us, to the situations presented time and time again, but that he couldn't trust even me stung. "I didn't choose to come here, Sirius. I was supposed to die when you saved me. Why would I try to hurt you?"

But Sirius only smiled, shaking his head, and pulled me close again.

"Just for today, Remus… I just want to have today for me and you, before everything turns upside down. Can you give me that, Rem? Just one day without doubt, or fear?"

I couldn't read his expression with my face pressed into his chest, but I could hear a note in his voice that had never been there before—that terrified me with just its possibilities. There isn't a wide enough range in vocabulary to explain it, because it was forlorn, and angry, and mocking, and everything not-Sirius. He was scared, I concluded only moments later.

I'd spent nights awake, waiting for him to come home. Weeks, and months, I waited for him to come home from battles, to know he was okay, to come and save me from my loneliness and self-loathing. Years, I thought, no—_an __eternity_ I would wait for him. Until I took my last glimpse of life with me into death, I would give him a thousand days without doubt, a thousand nights without fear. Today was just one of many, I knew, and I took comfort in the thought that even if it was just for today; even if it was just this one time, and never again after this, for once, just this once, I would be the one saving him.

"Yes," I whispered, caught off-guard by his sudden demeanor, "of course, Sirius."

* * *

Severus didn't fancy himself back in the clutches of Lord Voldemort so soon. He would rather have cut off his own head and pranced about meadows down below like an unsuspecting fool than face his 'master' with the fact that he'd failed one very important mission before coming back. Severus hadn't killed Sirius. 

"Snape," came the voice from behind a high-back chair, its speaker hidden, "back so soon?"

"Forgive me, my Lord, but I seem to have run into some rather interesting information while I was out."

"Did you kill him, Severus?" Voldemort's voice was silky now, a harsh coo that belonged to a snake. It was venomous, deadly, and made even Severus hesitate before he answered him.

"No," was the soft reply.

For only a moment, there was silence. Peter, who had somehow become a long-standing companion to Voldemort, looked from the man in the emerald chair to Severus. There was fear alight in his eyes, and from head to toe, the tiny man started to tremble. Severus never had been able to see why James had taken Pettigrew for a lover. He was mousy, and while Severus wouldn't call him ugly, he was certainly unattractive. Lily, he silently concluded, was the better choice. He was almost glad that James had changed his mind. Almost.

"No?" Voldemort echoed after a moment. Severus saw the man's hand on the arm of the chair first, before he was on his feet, head emerging from around the back along with the rest of his body. He looked elegant in sweeping robes, but never beautiful. "Why not, Severus?"

"There's been unrest at the castle, my lord. The archangel girl, Lily, she was poisoned. You wouldn't have had any hand of this, would you?"

"Certainly not," Voldemort said, anger forgotten as he turned contemplative instead. "What do I have to gain from taking her life? No, Severus. It is Black I wish to kill."

Severus remained motionless, silent. He knew his place when in the presence of this man. It was nothing like the atmosphere that surrounded Sirius. Sirius, while terrifying, allowed room for jokes, and jabs. He was young, deviant, and loved pranks just as well as the next man. Voldemort, however, didn't like to be interrupted, or disturbed. Speak only when spoken too. This was the golden rule.

"Well, this makes things a bit more interesting, doesn't it? I'm not angry, Severus. I'm glad you didn't kill Sirius, because I've decided that I'd like to finish him off myself. How would I look if I had one of my subordinates finish my grand task for me? No, no. We can't have that, Severus. Leave him for me."

Severus just bowed his head once, eyes downcast to hide the relief he knew was lurking beneath the surface of them right now. Peter, observant, leaned closer as if to get a better look. Thinking better of it, however, he shook his head and rocked back on his heels. Maybe, Severus thought, he'd rather not catch Voldemort's gaze by drawing attention to him.

"You'll have to keep me updated on this turn of events. It's almost exciting; to think that it's a game now. I'll have to get to him before anybody else does. Peter," he barked suddenly, and the tiny man jerked straight, watery eyes settling on his Master as trembling lips opened, and then closed, "get Lucius in here. I need to talk to him. The plans for our next attack will have to be moved up. It needs to happen sooner rather than later."

Peter bowed his head, "My lord," he said, and left quickly. Before the door shut, Severus swore he saw some tension that had been evident only moments before leaving the tiny man's shoulders. What must it be like, Severus wondered, to be under the constant observation (4) of such a terrible, terrible man?

"Severus, you may leave me. I wish to be alone with my Nagini." And there, where Severus hadn't noticed her before, stood a woman. She was ugly, Severus thought at first. She reminded him of a snake, or something other than an ethereal being. He was repulsed as he watched her watch him, even as she moved to Voldemort and leaned over him far enough to kiss him squarely on the lips. The scene was quickly turning lewd, and ducking his head once, Severus moved quickly for the door.

It wasn't until it had clicked shut behind him that Severus remembered how to breathe. Sirius would be relieved that none of these attacks against Lily, possibly to get to the Leader himself, had anything to do with Voldemort. They'd already concluded that it was a personal vendetta, but now they had proof.

"Who is it then?" Severus wondered aloud, bundling himself tightly in the cape falling over his shoulders.

It was more unsettling, he decided, not knowing.

* * *

Author's Notes: 

(1: ) My amazing beta reader brought it to my attention that this didn't exactly make sense. I looked it over a couple of times, and couldn't think of a way to explain it. She'd asked if Remus could see the darkness, because in her mind she envisioned something not unlike a black aura. This is where I ran into trouble explaining. The only words that came to my mind to describe it were 'The curtains coming to a close on a well lit stage." It's not a _physical_ darkness, but a visionary one. Again, this doesn't make very much sense. I guess you could picture it like a storm moving in, how the sky gets dark, and takes everything else with it. I know I fail as a writer because I couldn't think of a way to work this into the piece outside of an author's note, but I hope this helps.

(2: ) Cobalt catches everything, I swear it. She said 'sanguine' was a word to describe happiness, or something of the sort. Maybe it's an American thing to have never heard it used that way? I was always taught and told that it was another word to describe the color of blood. Naturally, I consulted the dictionary:

sanguine:

Adjective  
1. a. Of the color of blood; red. b. Of a healthy reddish color; ruddy: a sanguine complexion.

Let it be known that I am not going against Cobalt! Merely explaining why I used this word and didn't change it. 

(3: ) Once again, it was Cobalt who brought this to my attention. She really is super amazing. She pretty much said, "But wasn't Sirius there when Remus collapsed?" The answer is no. Lily was the one who collapsed, and Sirius took her away while James took Remus. Remus wanted to see Lily, and there was no explanation left as to what happened to them after that. The scene took an abrupt change and focused instead on James, Sirius, and Severus. This is where the unpleasant blank-spot Remus is having kicks in. Remus doesn't even remember collapsing, or what happened after walking out of the room with James.

(4: ) Thank you for this, Colby-baby! She gave me the word 'observant' to toss in there, and it was such a wonderful suggestion. Praise her!

I apologize again for the year-long wait in getting this next chapter out to the lot of you. I haven't forgotten you, and you're all still my dears! It's just hard to write when your muse smacks straight into that little wall we all affectionately refer to as 'Writer's Block'. The story has, unfortunately, strayed from my original vision, and the chapters are rather elementary and immature. I plan on fixing all of this, and rewriting until it's touched up to the way I like it, and the way I'd wanted it to be.

I'm apologizing because this will probably take a very long time to achieve. Please be patient with me, and stay as amazing as always. I hope everything in everybody's lives is going well right now! And as always (though no one ever does), go ahead and pitch an idea for a drabble in my direction if you'd like to! It'll give me something to give you in the mean time while you all wait. So much love!

Plushii


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